Title: Waltzing Down the Fair Weather Highway (1 of 7) Author: phoenix99 (xphoenix99@hotmail.com) Category: MSR Angst angst ummm... angst. Rating: R for stuff Spoilers: Tithonus -for sure! Summary: A raid on a serial killers hide out. Disaster strikes and Scully has to reveal something she has tried to forget. But Mulder seems to have his own secrets... Archive: Everywhere. Just keep my name attached. Feedback: uh yeah. love it. need it. please. Disclaimer: The X-Files and everything related to it belong to Chris Carter, Ten Thirteen Productions and Fox, and is used without permission. No copyright infringement intended, and no profit will be made. *** if you haven't seen the season six episode *** *** 'Tithonus' *** *** this will make no sense at all! *** If you are missing parts I think they are still on Ephemeral or you can go here: www.execulink.com/~tyrrellr/home.htm X<>X<>X<>X<>X<>X<>X<>X<>X<>X<>X<>X<>X<>X<>X<>X They gave the signal. The first wave of agents were in. That's where I may have altered Mulder's life forever. Maybe not. Looking back at it now, I may be over reacting. Maybe not. The decrepit factory had been immense. The suspect was reportedly shacking up in the attic of the old building. Where he had his picture gallery on display. 7 victims. All well educated, bright girls between 15 and 18. Artistic. Currently, they all took up residence in this man's art gallery. As the paint that adorned the ragged canvases. Mulder's profile said that this man had become obsessed with death, and was most likely trying to express a true sense of it in his paintings by using the victims' body fluids as his acrylic. I have a simpler answer for you. He was insane. After the evidence that the seventh victim had been killed (he quite enjoyed sending the bureau samples of his work), a meeting was held and a plan was devised. They had found the monster's layer. And the factory it was in was a fucking maze. We were briefed on it, then we saddled up. Mulder and I were both in on the first wave. So was Agent Fowley, who had been involved with this case from the beginning; she was the one who recommended us when the raid was suggested. At the time that kind of made me wonder. We were entering in the north end, making noise and shouting, hoping to flush him out to the other side where a flock of agents were waiting. We were in groups of two, because of the strange nature of the building, normal protocol had to be altered. Small hallways and narrow passages made searching it a longer procedure. Agent Fowley seemed to think it better if she watched Mulder's back. I was stuck with some guy from VCU. Agent Mason..Manson...whatever. I remember seeing Fowley follow Mulder up the closest flight of stairs, on their way to where this sicko's gallery was most likely located. Like hell I trusted her to watch his back, and knowing Mulder, he had a damn blueprint of the building in his head; so I decided to follow them with Agent Manson in tow. We ran up the stairs after them, followed them to the top floor, but they were too far ahead for us to follow accurately. So, we continued to run through the maze of corridors until I heard it. Through the noise of people shouting 'FBI!' was a familiar voice shouting 'DROP YOUR WEAPON!'. I quickly backtracked from where I had just come and tried to follow the voice. I came in on the scene just as I heard the shot. At this point everything seemed to slow down. The ensuing minutes seemed like hours, even days. The moments I do recall, I remember with haunting clarity. Mulder's startled expression was fleeting, his gun fell from his slacking grip and he toppled back with a grunt. I did the next most natural thing. I pumped three bullets into the back of the basterd who shot him. And I didn't give him another thought. Rushing over to Mulder, I tore open the front of his kevlar vest, and placed my hands firmly over the leaking hole in his abdomen. I was vaguely aware of Diana mumbling something and Agent Manson yelling 'AGENT DOWN!'. The voices seemed to blend into the background noise, which was filled with muffled shuffling and shouting. I had pulled Mulder into my lap and was painfully aware everything happening to him. His life oozing through the cracks between my fingers; his shallow breaths; his pleading eyes peaking through drooping lids; his quavering hand, which Diana held tightly in her own. But I didn't hear the usual reassurances and promises pass by my lips. Bending my head down so low, my lips brushed his ear when I spoke, I watched his expression closely; felt an overwhelming calm take hold of me as I whispered the next few sentences that would change everything. "Do you see him?..." His eyes flickered slightly and he let out a small choking sound. How terribly familiar. It was as if what I was about to say was as natural as 'I love you', and came to my lips maybe even more easily. "Don't look. Close your eyes." He didn't respond at first as he took slightly longer to process the information. But slowly his eye lids closed, the effort to make them do so seemed almost too much, and he turned his face toward the side of my arm. I bowed my head down with his. Closing my eyes, and curling around him, my auburn hair draping down covering his face, as if I could protect him from the sudden chill in the room. Without warning I heard Diana gasped suddenly, making me jerk my head up to see her hands releasing Mulders' and clutched her chest as she screamed. At first it was a scream of pain. A gut retching yell. But it quickly changed into something much more familiar to me. Fear. A shrill cry of absolute horror. I watched dumbly from my position around Mulder as she attempted to stand, but fell backwards writhing in pain. Reaching unsuccessfully for her gun, her face contorted into a grimace of agony and confusion, until her body went limp. This is when the full impact of what I had done hit me. Full force. My hand flew up to check Mulder's pulse. .... ...Still there. The pressure against my arm from his head increased as I felt myself begin to shake. Violently. Diana's body spayed out beside us. Mulder's blood staining my hands. What have I done. At that moment, the room seemed to suddenly jump from slow motion to fast forward. The disturbing gallery was suddenly filled with movingpeople. My arms were pried off Mulder's body and I was dragged away. My vision began to fuzz, and I felt the tell tale signs of shock set in. EMT's were buzzing over Diana still form. What have I done. I could hear the sound of the portable defibrillator. And all I wanted to do was throw up. I noticed I was still sitting on the floor. People continued to dance around the two agents bodies. A few feet away Manson was being questioned fiercely from Skinner and the AD in charge. No one had ventured to talk to me yet and I was thankful. I just needed a few minutes. I'd be fine. So, I sat there and trembled. Someone approached me and checked me over, asked me if I was in any pain. I can't remember if I responded. John Mathew's body lay a couple metres away. Crumpled up on his stomach, his head gazing up at me from the puddle of blood it was immersed in. Hollow blank eyes. Accusing. 'I know what you've done.' The dizziness accompanied with rising too quickly from the dusty floor, almost made me pass out. I bowed my head to try and relieve the impending nausea but instead only made myself feel sicker as I was confronted by blood. Mulder's blood. Everywhere. The floor, my hands, clothes. Everything. Despite the growing blur my vision had become, I turned quickly and made for the closest exit, where Mulder had just been carried out, but a firm hand grasped my shoulder. "Agent Scully, I think you should let me drive you to the hospital." Skinner. "I have to go in the ambulance, sir, I should be with Agent Mulder. I need to know what's happening." "I just talked to the paramedics, they said it looks good..." "No, I have to..." He gave me a look, and seemed to be deciding whether or not to stop me, when I made the choice for him. Two people passed by us on their way out carrying a stretcher. Brown,wavy hair peaking out for beneath the sheet that covered the lifeless form. And I passed out. X<>X<>X<>X<>X<>X<>X<>X<>X<>X<>X<>X<>X<>X<>X<>X<>X to be continued... Title: Waltzing Down the Fair Weather Highway (2 of 7) Author: phoenix99 (xphoenix99@hotmail.com) X<>X<>X<>X<>X<>X<>X<>X<>X<>X<>X<>X<>X<>X<>X<>X<>X I could tell it was a hospital even before I opened my eyes. It's the smell. Someone had changed my clothes. The stickiness from before had turned to stale, thin fabric. Also another indication of a hospital. Opening my eyes confirmed my suspicions. I was laying on an examining table. I wore a hospital gown, my clothes discarded in a bag by the door marked 'soiled linen'. The clock on the wall indicated it was 4:12. I've been out for almost two hours. Memories of the incident return with a vengeance. Agonizing clarity of the moments that made up one of the worst days of my life. Why had I said it? The Fellig case had happened almost a year ago. It had rattled me, but I brushed it off. I never told Mulder what he said to me; that I may live the same life he did. I never told anyone. Because immortality isn't scientifically possible, right? When Fellig looked away from death he never told the nurse who was holding his hand to look away. When I was dying, and Fellig was holding my hand , he didn't look away. When Mulder was dying, Diana was holding his hand, and I didn't tell her to look away. Maybe it was just her time. No. It wasn't her time; I made it her time. Anything could have caused her death. I'm sure the autopsy will show what happened. If I had been the one holding Mulder's hand would I have died in that factory? I noticed someone had deposited my overnight bag on a chair near the door. I quickly got dressed. The familiar anxiety of needing to find out Mulder's condition was slowly making it's way into my already agitated mood. I practically came running out of the room, but I didn't have to look far for a source of information. Skinner was only two metres away talking with Mulder's mom. I tried not to make my surprise evident. She wasn't usually here this quickly if she even came at all. They looked up at me and Skinner waved me over. "How are you feeling Agent Scully?" "Fine. How's Mulder?" Skinner glanced over at Teena, then back at me. "We don't know any details yet, but the nurse said that it looks really promising; that it's not as bad as what they originally thought when they examined him at the crime scene." Not as bad. Not as bad? It had been terrible. I saw the wound. If was fatal. I saw it. "Mrs. Mulder, would you excuse us for a second?" She nodded and began to walk down the hall. The click of her heels on the cool linoleum made the hair on the back of my neck stand on end. I'm not sure why. "Sir, I need to perform an autopsy on Diana Fowley." Skinner's face was unreadable at first. He looked down at the floor, as if to compose himself, then lifted his gaze back up in my direction. "I can't let you do that Scully." "Why not?" "that's what I have to talk to you about." "What?" "An OPR panel has been assembled to investigate her death. Since you were the only coherent witness when she died, they need you to testify at the hearing. You can't be in contact with any of the... evidence. Besides, an autopsy has already been done." "And what did they find?" He sighed. "I don't know." "What?" "Look, Scully. Mulder probably isn't going to be out of surgery for another hour, hour and a half. Let me drive you home. You should get some rest." "What do you mean 'you don't know'?" I was become increasingly wired and angry. Skinner was avoiding the subject. He wasn't usually as easy to read as an open book, but for some reason his emotions were obvious by just glancing at him. And in this case he had liar written all over his face. "Scully, calm down." "Tell me what they found." "I'm not suppose to be discussing this with you..." I locked gazes with him and proceeded to stare him down. He sighed, walked over to a chair set outside someone's room and sat down. I walked over to stand in front of him, crossing my arms infront of my chest. Intimidation was about the only thing I had going for me at the moment. "They found no cause of death." I couldn't respond... No cause of death? "I don't know anything concrete yet, but you and Mulder's conduct might be questioned as well. Specifically you, since you were the only one there who was actually conscious during the incident... Agent Manson said he didn't see anything; that when he left to get help she was still alive. What the hell happened up there?" I didn't answer his question, and found myself thinking outloud instead. "They're going to blame me for her death..." This was fitting... "We don't know that. They may not want you in contact with the evidence so that it won't effect your testimony." ....the woman I despise the most is killed under mysterious circumstances and I was the only conscious person in the room with her when she died. No cause of death. She just dropped dead right there. That isn't possible. They must have messed up the autopsy, missed something, overlooked important information. She could have had a heart condition, maybe she was poisoned and they missed it in the tox screen...it could be anything. No cause of death. How the hell is that possible? With the amount of screaming and obvious pain she was going through, there must have been some evidence. People don't just drop dead like she did. Some people die mysteriously, but not like that. That was violent, painful... "Excuse me?" Skinner and I both turned to see a young nurse in scrubs coming down the hall. She smiled at us then focused her attention on Skinner. "Are you Mr. Skinner?" "Yes?" "I came out to update you on Agent Mulder's condition. He's doing great, well, for someone who was just shot in the stomach..." From the looks we were giving her she must have realized we were in no mood for small talk, and she got right to the point. "...anyway, it doesn't seem to be the life threatening injury we originally thought it was. He'll be out of surgery in half an hour. The drugs we gave him should wear off in about three hours, he can have some visitors then." "I'm a doctor, and I was there when he was shot. I saw the wound and it was definitely life threatening. How could he be out of surgery so quickly and how come I'm being told that it wasn't life threatening?" The nurse glanced nervously down at the chart she was holding then back up at me. "You must have missed diagnosed... the surgeon is saying that the original diagnosis of his injury by the paramedics was too sever for it be correct... sorry I can't help to further, maybe you can talk to the emergency people who first saw him when he came in." She smiled again and walked away in the other direction. Skinner turned to look at me, worry etched into his stern feature. "Scully, I'm going to take you home. You're in no shape to drive, and I think you should get some rest... I'll come pick you up at seven so you can be here when he wakes up." I nodded. Skinner eyed me suspiciously. I gave up trying to argue with him about it. He wasn't use to me agreeing with him this easily, but I was exhausted and I needed time to think. Maybe a few hours at home would help me relax. I needed to get control before I had to face Mulder. I had to be prepared for his inevitable interrogation of what happened. Something I'm not sure how to deal with. X<>X<>X<>X<>X<>X<>X<>X<>X<>X<>X<>X<>X<>X<>X<>X<>X to be continued... X<>X<>X<>X<>X<>X<>X<>X<>X<>X<>X<>X<>X<>X<>X<>X<>X Title: Waltzing Down the Fair Weather Highway (3 of 7) Author: phoenix99 (xphoenix99@hotmail.com) X<>X<>X<>X<>X<>X<>X<>X<>X<>X<>X<>X<>X<>X<>X<>X<>X Skinner dropped me off out side my apartment. By the time I got inside I had come to the point of visibly shaking from the emotions I was experiencing. I sat down on my couch and buried my face in my hands, rubbing my eyes and temples trying to relieve the stress and uncertainty I was feeling. I let out a shaky sigh and glanced at my watch. 4:45 pm I should have stayed at the hospital. I was obviously becoming irrational. I shouldn't have left him. I pulled out my phone and punched in the number of the hospital. Funny, I knew the number off by heart. I checked in with the nurse I had spoken to earlier and she said Mulder had pulled through the operation fine. They had actually finished ahead of schedule. No problems or complications. And that the doctors had never seen anything like it. At that point I dropped the phone. It bounced off the carpet and onto the tile of my kitchen. The noise rattled me out of the sudden daze I had slipped into. I picked up the phone and hung it up. I turned toward bedroom where I changed into some more professional clothes, grabbed my cell phone and badge, and left. I called a cab and instructed the driver to take me to the Bureau Morgue. We were half way there when I began to second guess my decision. I had myself almost convinced that it was a b ad idea, and that it wasn't worth the risk. But I had to know. The cab came to a stop. It was five o'clock, so most of the staff had gone home. The people who work here aren't surprised to see me here after hours. Acutely five is rather early for me. When I entered the morgue I was almost knocked over by a tall, skinny blond kid. Most likely the person on assistant shift. "Oh, sorry. All be right back, I just have to make some photocopies upstairs." The elevator doors were already closing when he finished talking. He looked like a new guy; I hadn't seen him around before. I entered the office and quickly scanned over the materials on the desk. I found the inventory list with all the drawer numbers and names of the bodies. 15- Diana Fowley I scanned down the list for a likely candidate to take Diana place. 07- Heather Mayer I erased Diana's name and scribbled Heather Mayer over top. After switching the names I tried to touch up my poor forgery. Hoping it would pass muster I replaced the clipboard to it's original place. I sat down in one of the chairs sitting in the office just as the assistant returned. "Sorry to keep you waiting...can I see your identification, and what body are you here to autopsy?" I handed him my badge. "I'm here to autopsy Heather Mayer." "uhh..." He picked up the chart and scanned down to her name. "Heather Mayer.... unknown cause of fatal brain abcess...?" I nodded "Alright, let me pull her out for you." He unlocked the door and pushed it open, and I followed him to the main room. I felt my stomach turn as we approached the box that contained Diana's body. I wasn't always impressed by the way she acted, and I'm sure she was working with C.G.B. I must admit to being jealous of her obvious closeness with Mulder, but jealousy is a natural human emotion. I tried not to let my prejudices and my emotions affect how I saw her and Mulder, but every time she came around, Mulder changed. The truth became blurred and he seemed to act as if I were the enemy. All I could do was show him the facts that I knew about her. I could not make him believe. The assistant slid open the door and pulled out the tray. I prepared myself to look away if I couldn't handle what I saw, which was weird considering the number of bodies I had seen. But, luckily I was saved. The white sheet that was laid across her covered her entire body. "There you go." He left and I heard the click as the door shut behind him and he returned to his post in the office just outside. I snatched up Diana's chart and report, which the assistant luckily hadn't bothered to check, and pushed the body into one of the eight autopsy bays lining one wall. I took a deep breath before I jerked the sheet off her. Her skin was already getting a greyish hue. I noted all the tell tail signs of the autopsy that had already been performed, and decided to look at the report. Skinner was right. 'No obvious cause of death. Toxicology screen revealed nothing. No signs of organ disfunction or natural causes of death. Outer exam revealed no puncture wounds, possible rashes or infections. Subject appeared to be healthy at time of death. Conclusion: inconclusive, no found cause of death.' I looked back at the stiff corpse infront of me. Glanced at my watch, 5:40 pm, and turning into my professional persona I drew up my scalpel and prepared to cut. ------------------------------------------------------ Nothing. I had gone over every possible organ, looked for every sign, I even looked for the paranormal. To no avail. Everything looked great, at least from a pathologist point of view. Nothing. Absolutely nothing. Her body had just stopped. Everything. It was as if every cell in her body had lost the will to live all at the same time. I was so engrossed in trying to find an answer, anything to explain what had happened to Diana, that when I heard the people talking to the assistant outside, they were already asking about me and who I was autopsying. It seemed the assistant had misplaced the list, that should buy me some time. I quickly covered the body, hid the chart and rushed the body out of the small room. The two men were still outside the door talking with the assistant. Maybe if I can switch the bodies... I rushed over to the wall of drawers. Drawer 15 was still unlocked, but I had to get drawer 7 open somehow. Grabbing some small tools from the closest tray, I attempted to pick the lock. From outside the door I could hear strings of conversation. "She is doing an autopsy on Heather Mayer, someone who died of a brain abcess, not Diana Fowley. She's already been autopsied" "Well, we'd like to talk to her about it, and make sure she hasn't 'accidentally' examined the wrong body." "Fine, let me get my keys out of the back room." *click* Drawer 7 slid open and I pulled it out. Wheeling around another examination table, I pulled Heather Mayer's slab onto it, and pushed Diana's body into replace it in the drawer. I snapped Diana's new drawer closed and wheeled Heather Mayer's body into the my autopsy room. I heard them enter, so I quickly tore off the sheet, grabbed a scalpel and crudely performed a 'y' incision to make it more believable. The door clicked open and two men entered. "Agent Scully?" "Yes?" I answered rather breathlessly. I don't think they noticed. "Are you performing an autopsy on Heather Mayer?" "Yes." "This autopsy isn't schedualed until tomorrow afternoon." "I was asked to come in today instead." "Well, we'd like to see the body." I stepped back from the table. They both grimaced then nodded at me. "We'll have to ask you to leave Agent Scully. You are off duty until next week when you and Agent Mulder will be asked to attend a hearing to discuss the events surrounding Agent Fowley's death. You are also not to enter this facility until further notice. Do you understand." "Yes." I replaced the white sheet over the body, removed my scrubs, and left as quickly as I could. When I stepped outside the building I paused minute to catch by breath, then looked down at my watch. 6:43 pm Shit. Skinner said he'd pick me up at my apartment around seven. I ran out to the street and caught a cab for home. Forty five minutes until my interrogation. Maybe if I'm lucky Mulder won't remember it. Maybe he won't question Diana's death. Right. How am I suppose to explain Diana's death to the OPR? What am I going to tell Mulder? What am I suppose to tell myself? X<>X<>X<>X<>X<>X<>X<>X<>X<>X<>X<>X<>X<>X<>X<>X<>X<>X to be continued.... Title: Waltzing Down the Fair Weather Highway (4 of 7) Author: phoenix99 X<>X<>X<>X<>X<>X<>X<>X<>X<>X<>X<>X<>X<>X<>X<>X<>X<>X<>X He wasn't awake when I entered his room. I had spoken to one of his doctors and they had said he was stable enough to move into Recovery. My normally confident walk was somewhat dragging from my exhaustion. I shook my head slightly, trying to rid my mind of any questionable thoughts so I could regain the control and composure I would need. He probably won't ask me right away what happened, he'll be too tired. Yes, too tired. I opened the door to his room and walked in. I pulled up a chair beside the bed. I hadn't yet looked at him; I had kept my eyes on the floor. I took a deep breath, and looked up. The blanket that covered him was pulled up to his chest, his arms lying at his sides. I watched his chest rise and fall with slow certainty. My gaze shifted to his face which was covered in a relaxed, blank expression that always accompanies sleep. His hair was mussed, and I recognized his familiar five o'clock shadow. He was so still, unmoving, the only thing reassuring me of his continued life was the rhythmic bleep of the heart monitor. How long would that heart beat? As long as mine? Longer? His hand shifted. I slipped out of my trance, and focused on Mulder's sleeping form. I had asked Skinner and Mrs. Mulder to give me a few minutes with him when he woke up. They were in the waiting room just down the hall. I just needed to be alone with him for a bit, make sure he was alright. He'll be too drugged to ask any major questions. And if he does, he probably won't remember my answers. Drugs affect perception and memory. I know he also won't ask me anything infront of anyone else. After this we may not have much privacy for a bit, that should give me some time. Time to think. My eyes move down his body and come to rest on his stomach. If I deny I said anything to him in that factory, would he call me on it? If he doesn't even remember it at all maybe I should just say nothing. Ignorance is bliss, right? No, not this. I will not keep this from him, but how do you tell or even explain something like this with out coming off as crazy? -oh, by the way, I told you not to look at death when he came for you and as a result Diana is dead and you may be immortal just like me...- .... So if he does ask, I'll tell him. I'll tell him everything I know and he can judge it's merit. Whether he says 'Scully you're full of shit' or 'I'm so glad I'm spending eternity with you...' well, at least I will have told him... whatever the answer may be. Maybe I'm just overreacting. This could all be an instance of me in my desperation for life, having so many near death experiences myself, I end up envying Fellig's supposed immortality to the point of believing that I am in fact immortal and that I have opened this 'Pandora's box' for my partner as well. For some reason this perfectly logical explanation doesn't quell my wrangled psyche. With new resolve, and my decision to tell Mulder my dirty little secret made, I relax slightly. "Mulder, why are our lives so messed up?" I wasn't expecting an answer, so was when all I heard was his continued soft breaths, I wasn't disappointed. "Maybe it's fate, right?" Nothing. Becoming slight bored with my conversation with someone who was quite obviously unconscious, I pick up Mulder's heavy hand and place it in my own. I glance up at his face, and finding no change, I look back down at our joined hands. I'm absent mindedly back of his. He has strong, gentle hands. My gaze drifts to his ring finger. Dreaming the daydreams that many unmarried women do. I just stare at it; bare and naked looking. It's not as if we could marry anyone other than ourselves... God knows other people wouldn't understand the shit we've endured. But what triggers my despair is that I can't see that far ahead into our future. I can't see the end of our quest or us married. I can't see us as anything, because if I do, and something happens...then what? Move on? No, not with everything that has happened. I feel tears come to my eyes and I am automatically ashamed. I look down at my lap and quickly let go of Mulder's hand to wipe my eyes. "oomph" I quickly jerk my head up to see an obvious expression of annoyance on Mulder's face. "Mulder?" He doesn't open his eyes, but turns his head slightly towards me. "Becoming more aquatinted with my hand Scully?" At first I am startled at how coherent his speech sounds, and although his voice if rough and slightly slurred, I smile at the familiar hint of playfulness I hear. "How are you feeling?" He makes another grunting noise as he shifts slightly. "Like... I've been shot." He opens his eyes slightly and I try to smile at him. The sudden rush of guilt I feel is so unexpected I almost throw up. I had been so afraid of what I had done that I had forgotten why it had happened in the first place. I should have been there, not Diana. It wouldn't have happened if I had been there... Who am I kidding? Of course it would have. I can tell by Mulder's expression that he has already guessed what I have been thinking. "Scully, stop.. blaming yourself...it's not your fault" "But Mulder, if I had... " "It probably wouldn't have changed anything..." I sighed. I wouldn't argue with him. It was futile, and would only get him all hot and bothered. There were a few moments of silence. I thought maybe I was right about him being too drugged to ask anything and thought maybe this would be a good time to get Skinner and his mother. But underneath it was obviously just another ploy of mine to get out of having to tell him anything. I stood up from my chair, which immediately got Mulder's attention. "Mulder, Skinner and your mom are waiting just outside... I should tell them you're awake..." "Wait, Scully, I need to talk to you." I tensed; stood a moment longer until I realized he wouldn't continue until I sat back down. I returned to my seat and sat on the edge as if I could run when I thought the conversation looked like it might be heading in a bad direction. "Relax Scully, stay awhile.. you look about ready to bolt." I had no forthcoming answer, so he continued his slightly slurred inquiry. "Scully, I need you to tell me what happened. I don't want to have to ask Skinner or anyone else. I'd really like to hear it from you." I was now facing the decision which I had already thought I had made. But I was second guessing myself so I quickly reviewed my options. I could: a) Tell him everything that happened, including my little trip to the morgue. or b) Tell him the diluted, slightly more brief version. If I choose a) Mulder might look at me funny, laugh at me or well, he might believe me. Whatever his reaction is, it might turn out that he forgets everything I'd said to him because of the drugs, then he would end up asking me to explain it again. Which is something that I'd like to avoid. If I choose b) two things could happen. He could call me on the parts I left out, which would be closely followed by the 'why would you keep something like that from me...' speech. Or, he could except it as fact, and I would feel guilty for the rest of my life... whatever that entails. OR I could... c) delay. Yes, delay gets the final vote. "Mulder," I lay my hand back over his, "I'll tell you what happened, but only the 'reader's digest' version. You need to rest before I give you the 'one thousand page novel version'. Ok?" He seemed to consider my offer for a moment, then he looked as though he would refuse, but before he could protest, he yawned, grimacing at the pain it caused. Obviously unhappy with his lack of control he slowly nodded in agreement. "Alright, 'reader's digest' version, but I'm expecting a full report tomorrow." "Fine," it comes out as a sigh. I shifted nervously in my chair, then looked into his expectant face, "You remember facing off in the factory with Mathews?" He nodded. "Well, you were shot in the stomach, I came in at that moment and shot Mathews. Agent Manson went to get help while I... attended to you..." I paused then quickly added, "Diana was also killed in the incident." His expression remained neutral, as he thought about that for a moment then answered, "I don't remember hearing another gunshot." He was looking at me curiously. Damn. I recognized that look. He already could tell I was leaving out details. Details I was not forth coming with, which he immediately became suspicious of. I was so bad at this. And he knew it. He was about to start his little interrogation by not asking me direct questions about how she died or what happened, but by dancing around the real reasons until I get careless and slip up; telling him everything. He was watching my reactions to his questions closely for his next clue. "She wasn't shot Mulder." "What?" "She just... I don't know Mulder. She just died, after you where shot. They've done an autopsy, and they couldn't find a cause of death." "You should redo the autopsy. I'm sure you'd find something." "I already asked." "And?" I hesitated. Just than a nurse came in. She didn't knock, just came bounding into the room, startling both me and Mulder. Inadvertently saving me and pissing Mulder off to the point that I could hear him swearing under his breath. "Oh, Mr. Mulder you're awake. How are you feeling?" Mulder gave me his 'this isn't over' look, then focused on the nurse who was dancing around him and the equipment he was hooked up to. My attention drifted away from Mulder, who was politely humouring the nurse, to Skinner and Mulder's mom, who were entering the room. It looked like I was spared for the moment. The nurse was now showing Mulder his new toy. "...This is hooked up to your pain killers, so if you are feeling any discomfort just click the button on the top of this thing here that looks like a pen...here.. *click-click*...see? The medication flows intravenously, so you don't have to worry about needles. Now, don't try to click it repeatedly because you'll just be wasting your time. The machine is on a timer so continuous clicking will not get you high." Mulder was inspecting the new contraption he had been presented with bland interest. "Wow. Medical wonders never cease to amaze me." The nurse smiled. "Your doctor will be in to check you out soon, then you should try to get some rest." She marked something on his chart, then left. Mulder's mom was by his bedside and Skinner was hovering a the foot of the bed awkwardly. "Fox? How are you feeling." "As well as can be expected, I guess." I was getting up to leave, wanting to give Mulder and his mom some privacy, when Skinner asked me aside. "We need a statement to file in the report on what happened. They said that you could wait until tomorrow considering the chaos that today has been." "Alright, Sir." I was turning to leave when he spoke again. "And Scully, I think you should stay away from the morgue and the Hover building until the hearing." "Yes, Sir." And I left to get my coffee. I didn't return for another ten minutes. I just didn't feel comfortable around Mulder's mom, and Skinner seemed to know all about my little visit to Diana. When I got back to Mulder's room I noticed Mulder's doctor had been in to see him and that he was already walking down the hall, continuing his rounds. Skinner and Mulder's mom seemed to have left also. Mulder was channel surfing on the TV that was attached to the ceiling. Before I could ask him what the doctor had said and where Skinner and his Mom had gone, he spoke. "Skinner told me." I froze. "Told you what?" He looked away from the TV, his eyes shifting in my direction. "Well, don't worry, it's not whatever it is that you've been trying to avoid telling me," he paused, noting my reaction, then continued, "he said there was going to be a OPR hearing next week, and that you would do the honours of telling me what about , because he had to leave to go to a meeting. Although I'm guessing it has to do with Diana's death?" I set my coffee on his night stand and sat down in my chair, which was still pushed up beside his bed. "They want to know why she died and why it happened at that moment. We were the only other people in the room with her when she died, and you were in no condition..." "They think you did it?" "Skinner says he doesn't think so, but it had crossed my mind." "What do you think killed her?" "Honestly Mulder, I really couldn't tell you." I wasn't exactly lying to him. I really don't know *what* killed her. He was still for second then turned back to the TV. He started flipping channels again. I was feeling rather rejected until he spoke again. Although, not the words I was expecting. "The nurse said I'm doing really well. That I'm making the fastest recovery she has ever seen." My response was automatic. "Mulder, I doubt that she could make any kind of assumption about your recovery since you've only been out of surgery for four hours." He didn't respond, but instead stopped on the Discovery Channel and preceded to watch a documentary on the decline and slow rising numbers of Hawaii's national bird. Fascinating. "Mulder you're suppose to get some sleep." I could see him trying not to yawn. He failed, resulting in the twisting and mangling of his features. Enough that I laughed slightly. Which made him smile and it seemed to lighten the mood considerably. "Yeah, I know... But since they seem to be leaving my medication up to me, maybe I can just watch TV instead of having to be doped up all the time." "I'm not leaving until I know that you're asleep and not causing everyone trouble." "Really?" I gave him the eyebrow and he reluctantly picked up the pen-like object and clicked it once. "Mulder?" "Yeah?" "I'm sorry about Diana... I know she was an important person in your life." "..thanks.." "I'll see you tomorrow." "'kay.." It wasn't long before Mulder's soft snores filled the room. I waited a few minutes until I was sure he was asleep, then I got up, gave him a kiss on the cheek, something I wouldn't normally do, but I was feeling a strange sense of calm, a sense of achievement. I paused at the door, and even though I knew tomorrow I would be divulging the 'one thousand page version' of what happened, after talking with Mulder tonight, it reminded me that I could trust him to listen and tell me honestly what he thinks. I wonder what he'll think of my little secret. X<>X<>X<>X<>X<>X<>X<>X<>X<>X<>X<>X<>X<>X<>X<>X to be continued... Title: Waltzing Down the Fair eather Highway (5 of 7) Author: phoenix99 X<>X<>X<>X<>X<>X<>X<>X<>X<>X<>X<>X<>X<>X<>X<>X<>X<>X<>X It was raining. The hospital looked dark and sinister on the cloudy back drop. Which seemed rather odd since I saw them as places of healing. Of course 80% of people die in hospitals, so it could go either way. I parked my car in the visitor's parking lot, and walked into the ominous building. It was so dark outside that it looked almost like night time. All the lights were on inside the nearby buildings and offices. A fitting atmosphere. I wasn't as nervous as I thought I would be. A familiar calm had over taken me, and I approached Mulder's room with confidence. At least, that was the allusion. When I reached his room, I knocked gently on the white door. "Yeah" I pushed it open and smiled at seeing Mulder propped up in bed watching 'The Price is Right.' "Watching you're usual quality television shows, Mulder?" "Mmmhmm..." he stopped watching and looked over at me. "I think I've figured out something positive about me being shot in the gut." I tossed my trench coat onto 'my chair' and sat down. "Yeah? What's that?" "Now we'll both have matching scars." I rolled my eyes. He grinning, seemingly pleased at getting the response he was looking for. "So, where were you this morning, I was lonely." I shifted uncomfortably in the chair, and responded, "I had to give a statement on what happened." "What did you tell them." "Exactly what I told you yesterday, basically. I gave them the 'readers digest' version." "And...?" "And they said that they may not continue the investigation due to lack of evidence. They're still going to have the hearing though." Mulder turned off the tv, and focussed his entire attention on me. "I've been thinking a lot about this Scully, and I know something happened in that factory that you're not comfortable about... Don't look so surprised. I've known you for more than six years, and I have a degree in psychology; I can read you like a book...well, most of the time." He smiled, trying to relieve some of the tension that had suddenly laid think in the room. "I think if you just tell me right out, if we can get everything out in the open, then maybe I will be able to understand whatever it is that you're having trouble with." "Wow. Mulder in full psychiatrist mode." "Come on Scully, you left me hangin' yesterday. I've been dying to know what you're going to tell me ever since." I got up from my chair, and started pacing. I was sure it would piss Mulder off after a while, but it helped me concentrate. "Mulder, do you trust me?" "Of course. With my life." "Really? You would trust me with your life?" He looked confused for a moment, then I saw a slight hint of his 'panic face'. Just for a moment, then it was gone. "Scully, what is it that you're not telling me?" I stopped pacing and faced him from the foot of the bed. "Mulder, what I'm about to tell you... well, it's not something I'm totally sure about, and I just..." "No matter what you say, Scully, nothing will change how I see you." I found that strangely humourous, and as I realized the irony of his words, I couldn't help but laugh slightly, bitterly. I knew he was tying to show support, but it just seemed so... "I don't know about that Mulder. What I'm going to tell you... if it is true, it will change everything... maybe forever." He nodded absently, strangely mezmerized by my movements, totally focussed I what I was doing and saying. "I think you should sit down Scully." I silently agreed, and sat in my uncomfortable hospital chair beside his bed. Mulder took my hand in his, I took a deep breath, and started my novel. "During the case with Fellig. You heard about how I went up to talk to him, when I knew that Ritter on his way there to arrest him. Well, I never told anyone what we talked about." I paused, not looking at Mulder anymore, but at our clasped hands. "He told me how he became... how he couldn't die. He showed me the scars on his arms where he had slit his wrists numerous times. He said he had thrown himself off bridges, tried gas, but nothing worked. He told me about how it happened... he was dying of Yellow fever, and there was a nurse at his bedside, holding his hand. He saw death out of the corner of his eye, taking people's souls. When death turned to him, he looked away. But he didn't tell the nurse not to look away. When his fever broke, and he awoke, he saw them carrying her out in a yellow sheet. As he told me this story he was loading his camera. He kept saying things like 'you don't know how lucky you are'. He gave me the impression that I was about to die. I got... nervous, so I handcuffed him to a table. Then I heard someone enter the apartment, Fellig said 'he's here', that death had come. The black sheets around the entrance to the dark room lifted aside. The light from outside blinded me, and I couldn't see who it was. I heard the shot and I felt the bullet tear into my abdomen. Everything started to go fuzzy, and I remember sliding to the floor. The bullet had gone right through Fellig and had hit me. Ritter was there for a moment, then ran out to get help. I remember Fellig holding my hand, and he said..." I paused here, and looked up at Mulder's face. He was looking on with a look of questioning, and barely controlled fear. "He said 'do you see him?'... and ...Mulder, I saw him. I saw death..." I was going to lose it. I needed to regain control. I felt myself beginning to tremble. Mulder squeezed my hand gently, and I attempted to continue. "He told me to look away, to not look at death. So, I closed my eyes. I didn't look. I came-to shortly after. The paramedics were arriving and I heard them pronounce Fellig dead. After the incident, I brushed it off. I contributed my amazingly fast recovery to good health. Besides, I didn't believe in that kind of thing. Immortality in a scientific improbability... " I had been staring at our hands again, not having the courage to look Mulder in the face. But I needed to see his reaction to what I was about to say, so I lifted my eyes and we locked gazes. "At that factory, when you were dying, Mulder, there was so much blood, I couldn't stop it. All I could do was hold you, Diana was holding your hand. Then... I don't know why I said it, but I asked you if you saw him, if you saw death. I remember you letting out this terrible choking noise... and I told you not to look and you closed your eyes and looked away, and I closed my eyes and looked away, but I didn't tell Diana to look away. Then all of a sudden she just starts screaming, and I look up and she's in so much agony and I don't know why. I'm so afraid. All I can do is hold you. Then she is silent, and the paramedics arrive and they rush you away." Mulder is gaping at me, but I'm not finished so I continue. "When I found out Diana had been pronounced dead, it just didn't make sense. Skinner said that the autopsy had shown nothing out of the ordinary. She was in perfect health when she died. So, despite being told not to go near the evidence, I went to the morgue, switched bodies so no one would know who I was autopsying. I didn't find anything. Which is good in a sense, because they can't blame me for her death if they don't know the cause. But in another way... I just.. I don't know, Mulder." Mulder was silent for a moment. I realised my face was wet with tears. Mulder looked down at our hands then back up at my face. He was crying too. A single tear. It ran down his cheek and dripped off his chin, onto his blue hospital robe. "It wasn't her time Mulder.. even though I despised her and she was never truthful... I believe the reason you're alive is because she was taken instead..." He cleared his throut and spoke."I remember you saying some of those words to me Scully... but I thought your intentions were for me to not see Diana's death..." "Mulder...I" "Why didn't you tell me?" It was barely above a whisper when he said it. At first I wasn't sure he had said anything. My senses numb from the emotional strain I was under. "What?" "Scully, why didn't you tell me? Why didn't you tell me about what happened during the Fellig case? I don't understand why you would keep something like that from me..." "Mulder, I..." "No Scully. I don't blame you for what happened in the factory, I would have done the same thing. I don't know if that means that we're immortal now, and I don't feel like sliting my wrists to find out. What I can't understand is why you wouldn't talk to me about something like this..." "Because we don't talk Mulder! We never talk." I was practically yelling at him now. It was not the way I had wanted this conversation to go, but I felt that Mulder was being an ass. More than usual. "We've been working for more than six years together, and we have never really talked. Mulder, WE. DON'T. TALK. And Dammit, don't you tell me that I keep things from you, because you always keep things from me. I'm sure you've got a bunch of little secrets packed away that you're saving for a rainy day..." Mulder's face suddenly went white as a sheet, and I stopped in the middle of ranting because I was sure he would pass out. I was in a similiar state; shaking and upset, I needed out. I couldn't even ask him what his problem was.. I just needed to leave. "Mulder...I think we both need some time. I'll get your doctor." He didn't answer, so I left his room. It was still raining when I got outside. And I was crying. X<>X<>X<>X<>X<>X<>X<>X<>X<>X<>X<>X<>X<>X<>X<>X<>X<>X<>X to be continued... Title: Waltzing Down the Fair Weather Highway (6 of 7) Author: phoenix99 X<>X<>X<>X<>X<>X<>X<>X<>X<>X<>X<>X<>X<>X<>X<>X<>X I felt horrible. After getting home from the hospital, all I had done was made coffee, and tried to watch some TV. None of these activities were helping me forget the conversation I had with Mulder in the hospital. I kept replaying our words over and over in my head. Deciphering, categorizing and putting into order every word and gesture. Every facial expression and sudden movement was mulled over for meaning. I was over analyzing. I was trying not to, but it seemed as if the need to put myself through mindless torture was necessary. I can't believe he accused me of not talking to him. What a moron. And why did he go all wiggy on me when I accused him of keeping secrets. Dammit. That last thought had been bothering me. But, since I had returned home, the burning anger and frustration I had felt earlier had cooled. I had tried to stay mad at him, but my anger was misplaced, and didn't last. So now, after bitching and whining to myself and the emptiness of my apartment about how Mulder could be so damn frustrating and mysterious, I had worked myself into a state of total self-pity. I sat on my couch, my coffee was cold, which made me even more depressed, and I was wrapped in a afghan, watching Jerry Springer. It made me feel a little bit better, knowing that these people were more screwed up in some ways then myself. Ok. Maybe that wasn't true. I flipped to the next channel. Ahh yes. A movie. Top Gun. This will do just fine. But the naked torsos and slick bodies did nothing to improve my mood... I shouldn't have told him. It's probably not even true. He's probably working on a profile of me right now... trying to figure out what the hell has gotten in to me. Maybe I should phone him. Just to see how he is doing... no, he'll be asleep at this hour... drugs and all... *RINNNNNNG* Startled out of my state of lethargy. I jumped away from the irritating sound of my cell phone, which was sitting opposite me on the coffee table, and in doing so bumped into the table, spilling cold coffee all over my leg. But, still wallowing in self-pity, I answered the phone with out any hint of annoyance, as if nothing had happened. "Scully." There was a pause. "Hey." It was Mulder. Just as I had expected. I sighed, and sat back down on my couch, ignoring the spilt coffee and bruised shin. "Hi Mulder." "I uhhh... called you on your cell phone 'cause I wasn't sure if you'd be at home." "Oh... Well, how are you doing? Is something wrong? Do you need me to come over?" Forgetting all my previous foreboding, I had slipped into protective mother/doctor mode. "No, I'm fine. I'm starting mild physiotherapy tomorrow... The doctor seemed to know who you were, and said that if you were going to be taking care of me, uhh, helping me change the bandages, then I wouldn't have to stay the normal week and a half. But I have to stay home from work for a week or two." "I'd like to see you pull that off." He wasn't forthcoming with any response, but I waited none the less. A few seconds later I heard him clear his throat. "Scully?" "Yeah?" "You were right." "About?.." "About us never talking. I shouldn't have blamed you for not sharing what... happened in the Fellig case... We've never been very good at expressing our feelings. But, I'd like it if we could try and change that." I almost started crying again. Dammit, why is it that I have been so emotional the past few days. I've never been like this. Ever. "Yeah, I'd like that." "And Scully?" "Yeah?" Another pause. "We're ok...right?" "Yeah Mulder, we're ok." He sighed. "Well, I'll see you tomorrow?" "Yeah. Good night Mulder." "'Night Scully." Mulder can act like such a hopeless romantic sometimes. After I hung up, I thought about our short conversation. Sure, he wanted us to start talking, so did I. What was ironic was that, although we had agreed to talk, that's I'll we had done, was agree to. We hadn't really talked. X<>X<>X<>X<>X<>X<>X<>X<>X<>X<>X<>X<>X<>X<>X<>X<>X<>X<>X<>X Two days later X<>X<>X<>X<>X<>X<>X<>X<>X<>X<>X<>X<>X<>X<>X<>X<>X<>X<>X<>X "Since we can find no evidence to show the cause of Agent Fowley death, and no wrong doing was indicated about either of your actions, this panel feels that there is nothing further to investigate. Your testimony is appreciated, and you will be notified of any new evidence that is presented. Dismissed." They had rescheduled the hearing for earlier in the week, mainly because they couldn't find anything to investigate. The hearing itself had been rather brief, and I was grateful for getting out of that room in what seemed like record time. Mulder's account of the events had been rather blurred and unspecific in some spots, but it was basically identical to mine. Mulder got up shakily from his chair. I lent him my shoulder for some support, and I was relieved when he didn't push me away. We made our way through the Hover building. Attracting curious stares from the other employees. I held open doors for him, and when we reached my car, I helped Mulder into the passenger seat. They had let Mulder out of the hospital under my watch, only because of today's hearing and the fact that I was a doctor. He was using a cane, and getting around pretty well to everyone's surprise. I shut my door, and started the car. "Well, I'd say that went over rather well." Mulder the optimist. He was right though. Neither of us was missing, in jail, being fired, laughed at, accused of murder, presumed dead... or anything else of that nature. Nodding in agreement, I pulled out onto the street, and started for his apartment. I had spent the past few days with him in the hospital. I had brought him his lap top, and some book from his apartment. I usually bring him some files to mull over, but we were both on 'vacation' so that idea was scratched. I told Mulder I'd help him out for the first week, or until he became more comfortable moving around his apartment. I know doing this will most likely force us into talk more, which is good, but... it's just that, I feel that the benefits of that happening will be bittersweet. We haven't discussed anything about our current 'situation'; as I have referred to calling it. That is if we even have a 'situation'. Looking back on it now, I think I may have just overreacted. Perhaps it was the shock of seeing Mulder being shot, and I subconsciously needed to have some explanation for his continued life; his swift and soon to be, full recovery. Yeah, sure, that was it. The old subconscious at work. "...Earth to Scully?" Mulder was poking me in the arm. "What? oh sorry..." Damn. How long have we been sitting here. I must have been on acting on autopilot that entire time. We've just been sitting outside his apartment.. God knows for how long.. "Got something you'd like to share with the class?" uhhh... "Uhh... maybe we could order some Tai food?" Mulder gave me a weird look. "You've been debating whether or not to suggest Tai food this entire time?" Of course not, but like I'm really going to tell you that... "No, I was just thinking about something I heard earlier." Maybe he would get the hint. "Oh yeah? What's that?" I got out of the car and self-consciously walked around to the other side, and opened Mulder's door. "Maybe I'll tell you after we get the food." He looked up at me from his seat in the car, then sighed. "Yeah, Tai sounds good." X<>X<>X<>X<>X<>X<>X<>X<>X<>X<>X<>X<>X<>X<>X<>X<>X<>X<>X<>X It didn't take us an incredibly long time to get upstairs to his apartment like I had thought it would. Although when we got there I had to go back down to the car three more times for items that we had forgotten to bring up the first time. Mulder had just gone to take shower. The food should be here in a few minutes... "Scully?!" Shit, Mulder.... I ran to the bathroom door. "Mulder?! What is it? What's wrong?" My voice was laced with worry and fear. "Mulder?.. Mulder, I'm coming in..." I pushed opened the door and found him standing in the middle of the bathroom, wrapped in a navy blue towel. He was facing the mirror, but was currently looking at his stomach. He had his bandages off, and was examining his gun shot wound. He didn't look to be in immediate danger, and I felt my heart rate slow down. "Mulder? What is it?" "Look..." He pointed to his scar. I looked down at it and gasped. "Mulder..that's..." "impossible?" The small circular hole that the bullet had left was totally healed over. I leaned over to study it more closely. It looked just like mine. I tentatively reached out my hand to touch the light coloured skin. I ignored the slight twitch of his muscles under my confidant touch. His hands came up suddenly, and held the bottom of my sweater. I held back my gasp and heart rate was back up to where it had been moments before. I arched an eyebrow at him, hoping to maybe scare him of, but Mulder is very tenacious, and is not easily discouraged. "I just wanna see your scar, Scully." I lifted the bottom of my sweater up for him, and we both looked down at the small circular mark on my abdomen. He looked back at his own scar, then reached out to touch mine. My first thought was to stop him, but I didn't. I kept as still as possible, anticipating his touch. His figures brushed my skin lightly then I watched as he compared the texture to his own scar. "They're the same. Both healed." "But Mulder..." "How long did your wound take to heal? Really, Scully. How many days passed until you woke up, looked in the mirror and said 'I'm healed'?" I really didn't feel like reminiscing on the subject, so ignoring the question, I turned my attention back to his injury. I pressed my first three fingers more firmly against the lightly coloured skin. He didn't flinch. "How does it feel Mulder?" "huh?" "Your stomach Mulder, do you feel any pain?" "No." That can't be right. "Did you take any pain killers recently?" "No." "Are you sure..." "Scully, it didn't look like this a few DAYS ago. Is this natural? Or maybe you've seen this before?" Damn him. He continued to prod. "How many days?" Sighing with resignation, I bowed my head and pinched the bridge of my nose with my thumb and forefinger. "Four." He thought about that a moment, then he continued. "I don't remember my previous gun shot wound healing this quickly." "No, Mulder. It didn't." "Maybe this faster recovery is from what you said hap-" "No, Mulder. I was wrong. I was just upset about what happened... I don't think I can accurately judge what happened in the factory. I just... Immortality is not scientifically possible. It would mean that everything down to a cellular level would have-" "Scully, this isn't a scientific... issue. This has to do with peoples' souls... our souls. We can't be sure if what happened made us immortal, because we have no.. safe way of testing that theory. This," he pointed to the small scar, "proves that something did happened; to both of us. Something that obviously causes us heal quicker..." He paused and looked at me pretentiously, "unless you have some kind of scientific explanation for this?" I was going to start my usual spiel of irrevocable evidence and facts, but the words were not forth coming. "No, I do not have a plausible explanation for this, but I'm sure there is one. I just don't know how to find it." "I don't think you will find it. This is beyond the realm of science." "Mulder, nothing is beyond the realm of science." Mulder rubbed his brow with his hand, and slowly sat down on the toilet seat. I turned away from him, "The food will be here soon." and left the bathroom. X<>X<>X<>X<>X<>X<>X<>X<>X<>X<>X<>X<>X<>X<>X<>X<>X<>X<>X to be continued... X<>X<>X<>X<>X<>X<>X<>X<>X<>X<>X<>X<>X<>X<>X<>X<>X<>X<>X Title: Waltzing Down the Fair Weather Highway (7 of 7) Author: phoenix99 (phoenix99@hotmail.com) X<>X<>X<>X<>X<>X<>X<>X<>X<>X<>X<>X<>X<>X<>X<>X<>X<>X<>X<>X<>X Mulder didn't come out of the bathroom for another ten minutes. I thought about checking on him, but I was feeling anxious, and wasn't up to having another bathroom debate. By the time he did come out, I had the food set out on his coffee table and was looking for plates or at least some utensils to eat with. On returning, I found him sitting on the couch, dressed, arms resting on his knees, hands covering his face. I held out a plate to him, but he didn't take it, so I sat it down on the table in front of him. I slumped down beside him, a comfortable distance away. I couldn't seem to bring myself to dig into the feast that lay in front of us. "Mulder, you really should start eating something. I got you some of those soft noodles..." But if his wound had healed, it didn't matter, did it? He wouldn't have to follow the eating schedule the doctor set out for him. We lapsed into silence. I felt the gnawing hunger from before slowly vanish from my stomach. I set my plate down next to Mulder's and relaxed back into the couch. Closing my eyes, I realized how tired I actually was. I had been forcing myself to stay awake for so long. I had been having nightmares and I hadn't been able to eat. When I was awake I had to keep myself busy so I didn't think too much. When I caught myself drifting off for the second time I opened my eyes, only to find Mulder staring back at me. I couldn't read the look on his face, so, not being able to respond, I just stared back. He turned away and proceeded to stare at the blank screen of his TV. "You wanna play a game Scully?" My guard went up immediately. I recognized that tone in his voice. Sadness, resignation and a hint of bitterness. I hadn't heard it very often, but whenever I did I was instantly on the defense. He sometimes hurts me when he is like this. I know he doesn't mean what he says, but it still hurts to hear it. "All right Mulder, what game are we going to play?" He was still for a moment, then he turned full toward me, folding one leg up beside him. "It's called 'Truth for a Truth'" This was looking worse and worse. This conversation should not be taking place. We were both on edge, and with a few wrong words one of us would be storming out of here. Most likely, that person will be me. "I don't think I've ever heard of that game." He got this evil smirk on his face. As if he were the experienced older guy about to tell his virgin of a girl friend all the kinky, weird sex games they were going to play. As this though crossed my mind, I felt a growing need to escape. My self preservation instincts were telling me to get the hell out of there. But instead I just sat up a little straighter and looked Mulder in the eye. "Well Scully, we're going to sit here and spill everything. No secrets, no exceptions... everything. I'll tell you all my secrets, and you tell me all your secrets." "Mulder... " "The rules are, one- no yelling. Rule two- no storming out," At this point the panic I was feeling was almost choking me, "Rule three- no interrupting, I confess my soul, then it's your turn. Rule four- there are no exceptions. We have to tell each other everything. And I'm not talking about little things, I'm talking about important, meaningful things." He stopped here, and I though for a second he might withdraw and back out of this 'game', but then he said in a slightly softer voice, "And we have to promise to try and forgive and forget." I suddenly had the feeling that this was going to have a terrible out come. It also occurred to me that this could possible be more for Mulder's benefit then my own. I didn't have very many secrets. "I don't know Mulder..." "I'll go first. I'm in love with you. I have been for years. After our first case together, I was so impressed by you. You were the kind of woman I had dreamt about. Smart, sexy, independent, challenging, and with a strong will and spirit. I would have been all over you if it hadn't been for my previous experience with partner relationships. The horrible truth about Diana is... we were married at one time. It lasted all of two months, it was her attempt to keep me focused on her and not the X-Files. When I wasn't responding to her attempts at getting me to settle down and have kids, she freaked out... smashed a TV, and threw a toaster at me. Then she left for Europe. I'm sorry for not telling you. It was something I would have liked to forget. "With you I thought I could make it perfect. But without the extra baggage. I had never met anyone to whom I could put my trust into like I could with you. "No matter what happened, since our first case, I've always respected and cared for you, but when they took you from me or those three months, I realized how much I need you. While you were gone I couldn't sleep, or eat. I felt hopeless because I couldn't find you. I was so depressed and stressed out that I ended up having a one night stand... also something I'd like to forget. I also tried to quit the FBI, but Skinner wouldn't let me. "When they returned you, I was so happy, but the coma you were in... Your family wanted to let you go, I was against it. I yelled at your sister, and your mother. I was not at my best at the time. Then when you recovered I thought I had been given a second chance, I made a promise to keep you safe, and to make everything better foryou... but soon we were back to normal I stupidly took it for granted. And when your sister was killed..." I couldn't feel my legs... nor did I think about it. At that moment, Mulder was the only thing I sensed. But I couldn't see his face; he was no longer looking at me, but at his hands which were folded on his lap, shaking slightly. His gaze was unwavering as he continued his seemingly well rehearsed speech. "She didn't deserve to die, Scully. But what makes me feel even worse it that every day I feel relieved that it was she instead of you." A single tear dropped from his still eyes, and dropped onto his right hand where it slowly rolled down the side. I watched it's slow progress as he spoke. "At this point I wanted... needed you to believe so bad. I tried to convince you at every turn. I researched everything I could, so that I might have an answer to everything. Something to match your science, which you hold so dearly. Somehow, wanting you to believe and wanting you to love me became intertwined as the same thing. I was convinced that if you believed, that you would love me. It wasn't something that I could understand at the time, and I felt that if I told you how I really felt... that you might become uncomfortable working with me, and that you would leave. So I continued on, not saying anything, not wanting to spoil what we had. You were always there to pull me back from the edge. But after a while you seemed restless, and I didn't know what to do. "When I sent you to Philadelphia I just... I'm so sorry for not listening Scully. I really can be a shit. I was blind to whatever was happening, either because I was preoccupied with myself, or I did see it but convinced myself it wasn't really there. "I had been taking you for granted for so long, and then when you said you had cancer... it was as if I was slowly watching my world fall apart around me, and I could do nothing but watch. When I got a break, and snuck into the DOD... I saw so much Scully. I saw everything. I saw women undergoing experiments, huge rooms filled with cataloging and data. I found your cure, and your curse there. The chip that saved your life, and almost took it away. Then when you told me about Emily. I wanted... I wanted so much for her to live. But at the same time it scared me. I thought that if he lived, you would no doubt want to adopt and be her mother. I knew that for you to do that, you would quit the FBI. I just want you to know that if that had happened, I would have followed you. If you had asked me, I would have left with you... " Mulder's voice was now a combination of choked sobs and raged breaths. His still, clasped hand wet with tears. I had been sitting silently beside him. My own silent tears streaming down my face, and trailing down my neck. "But you always saved me. When I started to lose my faith in my beliefs, and you started to ponder the possibility of aliens. When they found you on the bridge... when you underwent hypnosis therapy. It felt like a slap in the face. As if fate was purposely trying to fuck with us. It all seemed too much, but you held us together. And then with Gibson... and losing the X-Files, I really didn't know what we would do. But I knew that I still had you, and really, I houldn't have. You should have left. It would have messed me up, and god knows anybody else would have left in a second. But you stayed, and you had faith in me. And when they tried to separate us... and losing you to Antarctica... I thought..." He paused here to regain some composure so that he might continue. "I decided after, that maybe you did love me like I did you, that maybe I could show my feelings a little more and not scare you off. I should have listens Scully. When you told me about Diana... I was being such a prick. I didn't want to believe you Scully... and then the whole El Rico thing... and Dammit... I've been such a basterd to you..." I lifted my hand, intending to reach out to comfort him, but he shookhis head slightly, so I withdrew. "I'm not done Scully. You may not want to comfort me after what I'mabout to tell you... it will make or break us I think... I wouldn't mind if you felt the need to beat the shit out of me. I wouldn't think twice about giving my body to you for the use of a punching bag if it means that you'll forgive me. My reasons for not telling you this are also very selfish, just like most of the things I do. I knew that after what happened with Emily, you would kill o have the chance to have a child. And, being the selfish basterd that I am, I kept my secret from you in fear that you would leave me to become a mother." I started at this. oh my god... Was this some thing I wanted to hear? But all I could say was, "What are trying to tell me Mulder?" "That when I broke into the fertility clinic, looking for some clues about your cancer, I met more Kurt Crawfords, but what I didn't tell you was that they had your ova there. I took a vial." He paused at my gasp. As he continued his voice became more and more quiet. "I gave it to the gunmen to put someplace safe, some other private clinic, and they did. The doctors weren't sure if they could save them, they told me not to get my hopes up. Now if I hadn't fucked up the entire situation up by this point, what I did next just sealed the deal. I made a decisions I shouldn't have... after I came to see you in the hospital, I was informed by the clinic that they ere able to save thirty-three of them, but that they would need to be fertilized within forty-eight hours or they wouldn't survive. So I had ten of them fertilize with a random donor, and the rest... with myself. I.. I'm sorry, I just... " And that's when he lost it. "I thought that I could give you back your immortality... and I wanted to be a part of it so badly... I thought that maybe one day..." I wanted to moved over beside him; put my arms around him. But I was so stunned. I couldn't respond. He hadn't looked over at me yet, but tried to finish his painful confession. "I knew that if I told you about what I had after Emily died that you would take it in a second. But I needed you...and... and I thought what you didn't know wouldn't hurt you.... that when we found the truth... if we saved the world, then I could tell you what we have.. what you have. But the guilt didn't go away. Every time I saw you, whenever we were together, I felt it... I tried to justify my motives, but I knew that, really, I should tell you. But I didn't... and it got to the point where I thought you would leave if I told you, being so mad at me, just one more reason to hate me. I thought that you would take everything and leave. I tried to convince myself that there would be a time... that the right time would come along when you wouldn't be angry, when we could both take care of a child... when it could live in a safe world... but that time seems to get farther and farther away... and now... I couldn't hide from you forever Scully... but I don't want to lose you." As my name left his lips, I felt the true force of his words hit me like a tank. He loves me. He wants to spend the rest of his life with me. I can have children... we can have children. But he kept my children for me. He was married to Diana and he didn't tell me. All those secrets he kept from me. How do I know he isn't holding anything back? Mulder chose that time to open his puffy eyes. He turned his head slowly toward me and looked up into my face. His expression was sad, and self loathing. I was still trying to decide how to react when I felt the warm touch of Mulder's hand on my arm. I jumped instinctively and he pulled away like he had been burned. Turning his head back to stare at his hands, I could almost feel him withdrawing into himself. Ready to commit harri karri in an instant. Surprizingly I felt the anger at him for not telling me slowly glow dimmer as I realized what he had done, even if he didn't realize it himself. I had finally excepted what had been done to me, this information... it was wonderful... and I couldn't watch Mulder beat himself up over this, if he's been hating himself for as long as he says, then perhaps hat is punishment enough. "Thank you." Mulder turned back to look at me, hope, fear and confusion laid thick in his features. "But Scully, I how can you be th..." "Mulder don't you see? You may not realize it, but you saved me from myself. Even though you kept something from me that you shouldn't have, under the circumstances, I can't be angry with you. If you had given me what you had found, I would have left to raise a family, and if you had come with me like you say you would have, which I don't think even ou could have done-" "Scully-" "Let me finish. If you had left the FBI to start a new life, what would have happened to the world? The truths that we have discovered and aredestined to discover? They would have remained hidden, terrible people would have gone unpunished... "I'm thanking you for giving me answers and the chance to make a difference and save millions of lives if, for giving me the gift to have something that I thought I'd never have... and for giving me your love." He closed his eyes. In relief or in an attempt to hold off more tears, I couldn't tell. I slid closer to him and reached my arms around him. He seemed to collapse against me, moving his arms to embrace me. "I'm so sorry Scully." "I know, Mulder, I know." I rubbed his back soothingly. His body racked with jerky sobs, my tears falling silently onto his shoulder. "How can you forgive me for what I've done? I can't understand how you can stay with me... you should save yourself from certain unhappiness..." "I can forgive you because I understand your motivations, and I know that what you did was in both our interests. I also think if you had told me anytime earlier than this I would have reacted badly. I don't think you would have gotten a fair trial you're getting now." Mulder held me a little tighter, and continued to cry together. I think I was crying more for his anguish than my own. The shear happiness in knowing that I could have kids overpowered my anger at him. It felt so good to just hold some one. To let everything out, and to have someone share it with you. Mulder and I had been missing out on that for a very long time, and I truly believe if we hadn't had this conversation, our partnership would have broken down, and not been able to recover. I felt the stress and tightness in my body leak out, being replaced with a comfort that I hadn't known for a long time, and barely recognized. "I don't deserve you." His voice startled me out of my relaxed state. "Mulder, every day I work with you, whenever we are together, I am reminded about how lucky I am to know you. How lucky I am to have you as a partner, and a trusted friend. I never want any other person by my side, because I could never love any other person more than I love you." He pulled his head back from my shoulder and looked into my eyes. "I feel like the luckiest son of a bitch in the world Scully." I arched my eyebrow at him the best I could. A small smile graced his lips. I reached over and grabbed a handful of napkins from our now cold Tai feast. I handed Mulder a bunch and he smiled his appreciation. After drying our tears, we both looked over the cold Tai. "I'll put this in the fridge, then maybe you should go to sleep..." He followed me as I carried the full boxes to his fridge, shoving them in, tiredly and with out order. "Are you going to stay?" He said suddenly. "Well, sure, if you want me to." "Will you stay with me?" "With you?" He got up and moved toward his bedroom. When he reached the door he turned back to me and waited for my answer. I smiled at him and answered, "Ok Mulder, I'll stay." And for the first time in so many years, lying in Mulder's embrace, I felt loved, and whole. Despite my uncertainties about the future, and the worries I had about the things that had happened, I knew I wouldn't be alone. I had everything I needed, and my life as I had known it would be forever changed. But for the better. X<>X<>X<>X<>X<>X<>X<>X<>X<>X<>X<>X<>X<>X<>X<>X<>X<>X<>X THE END Ok, yup. I'm calling that the end. If you think there should be more, please email me and tell me and I'll consider it... but it all depends on how pissed off you seem. And if you liked it, please tell me!