Title: Seeds (1/?) Author: Xenith Disclaimer: The X-files belong to Chris Carter and 1013 Productions, not me. I'm only borrowing the characters for now. I'll put them back when I'm done. Rating: PG Category: SA Keywords: MSR, Scullytorture, Muldertorture, Scullyangst, Mulderangst Spoilers: Thru 7th season Archive: Sure! Spooky's yes! Feedback: Love it! Love it! E-Mail address: xenitha@yahoo.com Discussion List: Yes!!! Yes!!! Summary: A married Mulder and Scully expect a child through IVF but all does not go well....get out your hankies.... Author's Note: This takes place in the Abattoir universe, following Wedding From Hell and Honeymoon. To read the other Abattoir Stories, the website is at : http://members.xoom.com/Xenith0/abattoir.html To read Honeymoon by TBishop, go to http://tbishop.freeservers.com Author's Thanks: Many and generous thanks to Dr. David, my medical consultant for the gritty details and thank you to TBishop for loaning him to the cause. And thanks to Spygirl and Wylfcynne for the encouragement and inspiration, and to Paige Caldwell for begging me not to kill Mulder. Dana Scully's journal June 1, 2000 I have spent the morning, sitting at my desk, listening to the tap-tap of Mulder's pencil. He's been doing that for the past ten minutes. I could take that, except the symphony is joined by the crunch-scrinch of sunflower seeds being cracked then the 'thwip' of the shells landing somewhere in the vicinity of the wastebasket. Tap-tap-tap, crunch-scrinch-thwip, tap-tap-tap.... I am on edge. I am very on edge. If he taps that damned pencil again, I will personally strangle him with that incredibly ugly tie he insisted on wearing this morning....no...no, I am calm. Calm. Peaceful thoughts of motherhood, babies, chicks, kittens, puppies...think maternal, Dana. Today's the day. I had my progesterone shot. We make a third try at IVF. That is to say, a third try at implanting fertilized ova into my body. The last two were failures, and I was first glowing with hope, then crushed to despair when the attempts failed. Mulder keeps trying to reassure me, that we're really going to do it, it's going to work. He believes. He always has believed. I find it harder, because I know the statistics: only about 1/3 of IVF attempts result in pregnancy. So I grit my teeth and try to believe in Mulder's belief. Mulder, bless him, handled his part of the process with aplomb, making his 'donation' with a minimum of innuendo. I think he knew just how on-edge I was feeling about all this. And it's so hard to surrender control to strangers, who manipulate my cells and Mulder's as well. The eggs themselves, an unexpected wedding gift from C.G.B. Spender, are viable and were readily fertilized with Mulder's sperm. But the tricky part is implanting them in the mother's womb. I trust Dr. Hansen implicitly. We chose her ourselves, researching her background carefully and asked the Gunmen to do the same. She's clean, not one of Spender's flunkies. Oh, the man who calls himself Mulder's 'father' offered the services of his best fertility experts, saying blithely that he wanted to become a grandfather. We bluntly turned him down. Both Mulder and I have been experimented on against our will, and neither would ever voluntarily choose to allow it again. The initial fertilization resulted in 9 embryos. We used three the first try and three the second. I'm willing to risk triplets and months of bedrest for this. Three remain, frozen. And so we have children, they're just frozen, and may never see the sunlight. I can't just think of them as embryos, the product of conception. I know a hundred euphemisms, but my heart knows the truth. They're my children, the only ones I'll ever have and the loss of a single one hurts to the core. Mulder is taking everything well. He's been a rock, cheerfully going with me to the doctor's visits. He even sat through the orientation lecture and video with me. It was a Disneyesque film about conception with little sperms swimming upstream to fertilize an egg. Mulder kept me on the edge of laughter the whole time improvising dialog between two racing sperm and an egg who had a headache tonight. The tapping has stopped. I looked up at the sudden quiet to find Mulder watching me anxiously. He smiled at me as we made eye contact. "Well, Scully, you ready?" Mulder stood up and walked toward my desk, his hand out. I grabbed it and he pulled me close in a bear hug. "No." My voice was muffled in his jacket. "I don't know how much more of this I can take, Mulder. To hope so much, then nothing." I felt his arms close around me more tightly as he rocked me back and forth. "Shhhh, we'll do it Scully. We've got a great team with dynamite genes. We'll manage; remember the power of positive thinking." I looked up at him and felt his two hands warmly cradling the sides of my face. "And Scully, you will make such a phenomenal mother." He leaned down and kissed me, long and tenderly. I sighed and snuggled against him, safe from the world for the time being. Reality intrudes too soon. "We better go." I pulled back and went for my overcoat. "Yeah," he replied. "Scully," he said as he held the door open for me. "I love you no matter what happens." I grinned. "I know." June 3, 2000 I have spent the last three days as close to being on my back as possible. I hate this. Mulder's at the office chasing aliens or God only knows what, while I'm home with the laptop and a collection of computer games donated by the Gunmen. But the doctor was firm; this time around I need to rest and give the embryos a chance to implant. They injected three embryos (at eight cells) into my uterus, then I went home to be inactive and meditate on pregnancy. What if I have triplets? Multiple births do happen with IVF. I'll look like a cow. I'm so short, I'll waddle around and Mulder will laugh at me. No, he won't, but he'll smile. Three children, all Mulder's. An embarrassment of riches, until they can walk and talk. And then....three of Mulder's children, simultaneously? Oh...my. No, think single child. Just one, God, I only want one at a time. Mulder calls to check on me. He doesn't know that I worry about him when I'm not there. I should be there, but I can't. We've been married six months and I still can't believe it. When I see my wedding and engagement rings I still feel startled, as though I've stolen somebody else's jewelry. But we are married, and in a new apartment: neither his nor mine. Ours. Alas, the wedding gifts have all been unwrapped and displayed around. Some people were kind and gave us linens, housewares...and then there were Mulder's friends. First, I didn't know he had so many female friends. I should have expected it, I suppose. But, what on Earth possessed that old Quantico friend of Mulder's to give us a huge portrait of Marvin the Martian, I'll never know. Mulder swears that Mary Ann is *not* an old girlfriend, but she must know him pretty well to give a gift like that. Mulder says I'm edgy and jealous. The end result was that it now hangs proudly in our living room and I let him put it there. In return, Mulder puts the toilet seat down when finished in the john. I suppose it's a fair exchange. And I'm *not* going to talk about the illustrated Kama Sutra that another of his friends gave us. I hid that one away before Mom could see it and comment. She never said anything, but I still think she heard us having sex in that brass bed the night Mulder proposed to me. At present I am lying on Mulder's leather couch staring up at Marvin, who gazes balefully back at me. I must truly love this man to allow him to hang this on my...our... wall. I want to go back to work and chase aliens. June 17, 2000 We got two new cases today; the first is a conventional missing person in my opinion. James Falk walked outside his home three evenings ago and disappeared. He left his car behind, took no cash from his bank accounts, was happy at his job and with his marriage. Mulder fixated on the case because Falk's neighbor claims that he saw Falk just "flicker out", I think was the way he put it. Mulder is thinking trans-dimensional gateways. I am thinking of the street light next to Falk's house that needs to be changed. The other case is more unusual, an old art theft brought to us because of the 'magical' quality of the object. I haven't read the file thoroughly, but Mulder's been humming contentedly all morning. Later: I just got a call from the lab. This is it, I'm pregnant! It was all I could do not to squeal out loud with joy. When the home pregnancy test was positive, I promptly went to the doctor for confirmation. I didn't want to raise Mulder's hopes until I was certain. Now I just want to hug the secret to myself for a while longer. And I don't want to tell Mulder here, where the office is almost certainly bugged by our child's 'grandfather'. I am certain that the old son of a bitch knows that I'm pregnant; probably knew before I did. But he has no right to intrude on Mulders' and my time alone with it. I'll tell him tonight, at dinner. "Hey, G-Man. I'm hankering for some Italian food tonight. What do you say to some pasta? I'm buying." I batted my eyelashes at Mulder and watched as his face creases in a grin. For six years I've wanted to bat my eyelashes at this man, but was too 'professional' to do it. Now I take every opportunity. "Why of course, if you're paying. Where shall we go? Tony's?" Mulder set the files down on the desk and checked his watch. 6:30 p.m. and time to go home. "If you promise to go easy on the garlic bread. The last time you ate it, kissing you was like licking a pizza plate." Mulder grinned at me. "And that's a bad thing? Okay, okay, I'll stick with the bread sticks. Shall we go?" Tony's We got our usual table. Tony's became our place during our six month 'courtship' which we spent dating, and allowed no hanky-panky. Tony caught on early to the simmering romance between us--okay, simmering lust, at least on my part--and adopted us. When we dine here the bread is always fresh and I could swear it isn't the house wine he serves us, although that's what we order. Tony was miffed that he didn't cater our wedding, but when I told him about the waiters who turned out to be terrorists, he knew we were remorseful and forgave us. "Okay Scully, I'm having the Fettuccine Alfredo and you?" Mulder handed the waiter his menu. "Chicken parmesan and a green salad..." I put my menu down and wondered dimly if I'll get morning sickness at some point. I hope not. "And two glasses of the house wine....?" I shook my head 'no' and Mulder looked at me oddly. I always have the wine. "No wine for me," I smiled. "I'm eating for two now." Mulder was dumbfounded, then broke into a huge grin. He practically climbed over the table to embrace and kiss me. I returned the kiss with interest. "When did you find out?" He asked, holding me at arms-length, studying me intently. "I got the call from Dr. Hansen this afternoon. I didn't want to tell you at the office, don't want somebody we both know to overhear." Mulder nodded slowly and returned to his seat. We just sat and grinned at each other until the waiter brought our meals. I don't know what we talked about, or how the food tasted, but I do know that I've never felt happier. At the meal's end, the waiter returned with two bowls of spumoni. "Compliments of the house," he announced as he set down the plates. "Tony and the staff want to congratulate you two. And the dinner is on us!" Mulder and I stopped trying to protest and accepted the gift graciously. As we finished the meal, I contemplated the telephone call to Mom, telling her that she'll soon have another grandchild. Children? "Um, Mulder, you know that there is a chance of multiple births in our situation..." I felt suddenly uncomfortable, what if there were more than one baby? Mulder smiled blithely. "Not a problem. I hear you get discounts if you buy in bulk--we could do baby-clothes in multiples." I looked down at my (currently) flat abdomen, trying to imagine being that pregnant. Nope, I can't feature it. I looked up and found Mulder grinning at me fatuously. "What?" I asked suspiciously. "Oh, just wondering what your brother Bill will say when he finds out he's going to be an uncle." Title: Seeds (2 of ?) July 20, 2000 I'm having a sonogram today to determine whether I am carrying multiple embryos. My hormone levels so far are not indicative of triplets but I could still be carrying twins or a single child. Mulder is of the mind that more is better, but all I can think about is having three screaming toddlers down with ear infections simultaneously. Later-- Well, we have one baby. I am relieved, and truthfully a bit disappointed. I had been envisioning three pint-sized Mulders for so long that I found myself wondering what happened to the other two embryos. I've discussed this pregnancy with Father McCue. He reiterated the Church's opposition to IVF, since inevitably eggs are fertilized and lost. But he also knows how incredibly cherished this child will be--and is right now, at this moment. I don't feel that I am committing a sin in having this child. My only goal is to create a life, borne from Mulder and me. How can that be wrong? The baby looks healthy so far. Too soon to determine the sex. I don't know if I want to know in advance. Mulder and I have already begun arguing about names. He flatly refuses to call a boy baby Fox, and I can't argue with that. We both think that William would be a good choice for a boy. He'd be named for both his grandfathers (even if my brother Bill does get puffed up with pride at naming our son for him). And William is Mulder's middle name as well. For a girl--well, not Samantha or Melissa; too much pain involved with those names. We're still considering the possibilities there. August 20, 2000 I've been fighting nausea for the past week. Dr. Hansen just smiles and tells me to eat dry crackers. That wouldn't be a problem, except that it's starting to affect my work. Mulder had to retrieve me from the ladies' room after I left a meeting with Skinner abruptly (at a dead run). When I opened the restroom door (having lost my breakfast, such as it was), my husband was standing there, a mix of worry and amusement on his face. "I think it's time to tell Skinner," he commented as he held the door for me. I gulped and nodded. "I don't want to be taken off active duty until I positively can't do the job any more." Mulder gave me a look, so I went on defiantly. "Mulder, we've been through this. I know that being a field agent is dangerous, but I want to work while I still can. I can't just stay behind in the office and send you out there by yourself....I...have to be there." "Scully, " Mulder said softly. "I know how you feel, but you've *always* been there for me. And I want you to be safe. Both of you. I don't want to endanger you in any way." I felt a rush of tears and ruthlessly forced them back. Damn hormones. "I keep working until pregnancy slows me down," I said firmly. Mulder reluctantly nodded. "We need to discuss this with Skinner," he said. I nodded. "I guess so." We returned to Skinner's office. "Are you all right, Agent Scully?" he asked searchingly. He's seen too much illness in my life. I smiled at Mulder, then at Skinner and sat down in my chair. "Nothing that nine months won't cure." Skinner's face grew still, then he grinned with delight. "This is wonderful! Congratulations to both of you! When are you due?" "Late February of next year." I smiled and grabbed Mulder's hand. "We were going to talk to you about it, but matters got away from us." "Yeah, she's had morning sickness all week," Mulder commented drily. "I'm no longer allowed to eat broccoli, cabbage or stinky cheeses if I want my wife to kiss me." Broccoli. The very thought made my stomach churn. Mulder must have seen the expression on my face (or its greenish color), because he added swiftly, "But Scully plans to remain on active duty as long as physically possible." Skinner's eyebrows rose at that. "As a field agent? Given the types of cases you two handle, that could be risky for you both. Agent Scully, I assume that you plan to leave the field at some point to finish your pregnancy?" "I plan to stay active for as long as I can still run after Mulder. If I become a liability to him I'll be the first to volunteer for desk duty. But sir, please, I want to stay in the field for as long as I can." Skinner just shook his head. "Agent Mulder, do you agree with this?" Mulder looked uncomfortable. I glared at him and he caved. "Uh, I agree with Scully. She'll be fine, sir. And when she can't keep up physically, she can stay at the office." Mulder grinned. "Besides, she likes filling out expense reports anyway." Now it's become almost a joke between us; we keep a plastic sack in the car in case I have nausea while driving to a case. Mulder calls it my "bureau barf-bag". I haven't had to use it yet, but there have been some close calls. Fortunately for the upholstery of the latest Bureau rental, Mulder has gotten adept at finding gas stations with ladies' rooms. Mom has already got me out looking at pregnancy clothing. I don't need it yet, but I will soon. My tailored wardrobe is a little too tailored to hide the thickening waistline for very long. [TRANSCRIPT OF INTERVIEW] Date of interview: August 23, 2000 Date of transcription: August 30, 2000 Interviewee: Marta Almedingen Investigating Agents: Dana Scully, Fox Mulder Case Number: X-451666 Agent Mulder: Good morning Ms. Almedingen. My name is Fox Mulder and this is my partner Dana Scully. We'd like to thank you for making yourself available to be interviewed. You understand that this meeting is being recorded? Almedingen: Yes. I do. Mulder: And you consent to the taping? Almedingen: Yeah. She said you would tape me. Mulder: She...who said you'd be taped? Almedingen: HER. The healer. She said to talk to you and that you'd ask me lots of questions, but to tell you ever'thing. (laughs) She didn't say you'd be so good lookin'. Hey, lady, no offense but your partner's a pretty handsome man. I may be old but I ain't dead, y'know? Agent Scully: No offense taken, Ms. Almedingen. Now can you tell me this healer's name? Almedingen: She's Greek, I guess. She has a funny accent. Her name is Kora, Kora Basileus. You want me to spell that? Scully: No, we'll get the spelling later. How did you first meet her? Almedingen: Oh, she found me at the hospice. I was dying of breast cancer; I was first diagnosed oh, ten years ago. Had chemo and a breast removed, then it came back and they took the other one. I was in remission for a while, then it came back, into my bones this time. I knew I was gonna die, had maybe three months left. Then one day this crazy lady appeared, with frizzy brown hair, brown eyes and said she was there to heal me. She said I wasn't done yet, it wasn't my time. Scully: What happened then? Almedingen: It was the darnedest thing. She had this coin hanging around her neck, looked real old, kinda green and corroded looking, y'know? Anyway, she pressed it against my forehead and concentrated real hard and suddenly I wasn't tired anymore. And I didn't feel sick. She opened her eyes and smiled at me, then she told me I was cured. And then she told me that when the FBI agents called me I was to tell them everything that happened to me. Mulder: She knew we were going to talk to you? Almedingen: Oh yeah, she knew about you. She said the man would be named "Fox" and the woman would be pregnant. Oh now, deary, you don't have to blush so hard, but you are showing a bit. Scully: Um...just when was it that she heal...uh...you met with her? Mulder: C'mon, Scully, spit it out....Ms. Almedingen, just when was it that this woman *healed* you? Almedingen: Oh, that was May 31, 2000. I'll never forget that day! Scully: And what have your doctors said? Did they perform any tests on you? Almedingen: I'll say they did. And it's all gone, all the cancer just vanished. I can see that you've got my medical file there, that proves it. Mulder: See, Scully? Just like I told you. And the doctor's note for May 31 repeats Ms. Almedingen's account, including her assertion that the second FBI agent would be pregnant. Surely that's proof of clairvoyance and precognition on the healer's part? And you certainly weren't pregnant on that date. Scully: Well, it's proof of something, maybe some kind of scam if she knew about my doctor's appointment. Our lives aren't exactly a secret you know. Mulder: Scully...... Scully: Ms. Almedingen, can you tell me Ms. Basileus' approximate age? Height and weight? Dress? Almedingen: Sure. She was about 5' 6" tall, thin with a wiry build, wearing a loose cotton dress and flat shoes, I think. Kinda frumpy. Her age? That's hard to say. At first she didn't look to be more than 15, but later she seemed closer to her forties....I can't really say. No wrinkles, no gray in her hair....I don't know. Mulder: Can you describe the coin she had? Did it have any engraving? What metal was it? Almedingen: Oh yeah, it had a circle with a cross in it on both sides. It was round with kinda uneven edges, like it was hand made or something. It wasn't gold, because it looked corroded, maybe bronze? I've seen statues corroded like that. She wore it on a chain around her neck. Mulder: Here are some photos of various coins. Do you see the one she had among these pictures? I've numbered them 1 through 10. Almedingen: Oh yeah, that's it. Number 6. Scully: Do you know her address? Or where she's staying? Almedingen: Hell, I don't even know where she came from! No, no address. When I asked her how she knew about me, she just said she went to the people who needed her, when they needed her. Mulder: Scully, do you have any more questions? No? Me neither. Thank you for your help Ms. Almedingen. I'll turn the tape off now and get your address so that we can contact you further if we need you. (End transcript) Dana Scully's Journal August 23, 2000 Of course, after we interviewed Marta Almedingen, Mulder had to talk about it. He was very excited. "Scully, we have objective proof of precognition and clairvoyance here!" There he was, going off half-cocked again. And I was feeling queasy--lunch wasn't sitting well. I got up and moved a little closer to the office door. My clothes have been feeling tight lately, too. "Mulder, we have no such thing. These records could have been faked, or this woman could have known about my appointment for IVF and ..." I picked up the medical file and half the papers slid out, onto the floor. As I squatted to pick them up, Mulder knelt down to help me. He grabbed a sheaf, then helped me to my feet, talking animatedly. "And guessed that this time, the third try, would be successful? And that we'd track Ms. Almedingen down through that tabloid article I found? Come *on* Scully, this is it. This woman is for real! You've read her med records, you admitted you couldn't find any flaws in her treatment or in the records." "Mulder, that doesn't mean that they aren't just clever forgeries..." I was really feeling queasy now. "To what end? Why fool us? If this woman really has the Medallion of Orpheus she won't want to give it up. Not only is it worth thousands of dollars, but it's reputed to have so much healing power it can return life to the dead!" "Mulder, that is an old legend with about as much value as those old legends ever have. So what if the stories say that Orpheus carried the medallion into Hades to reclaim his dead wife. It's an old myth! There never was an Orpheus and the Greek gods never existed. They're just stories." I was *really* feeling nauseated now. "Come on, old legends have been proven to have a kernel of truth. Look at Hans Schliemann, the man who found the ruins of Troy based on descriptions in Homer...uh...Scully are you all right? You look kinda green..." Mulder was looking at me strangely as I stood there gulping. He was still staring as I took off for the women's restroom at a run. September 3, 2000 I'll simply have to stop wearing clothing during this pregnancy. I've just come back from a shopping trip at the mall with Mom, and I cannot believe the sheer number of Peter Pan collars I have seen. Oh, there are a few stylish outfits for pregnant women, but none are in my size. The clothing in my size has lace, ruffles and calico prints. All I need are knee socks and little buckle shoes and I'll look like a big, tough G-Woman all right....all the way to attend kindergarten. Damn it! I'm having a baby, not becoming one! And I will not live in stretch pants with an oversized t-shirt that says "bun in the oven" or some other cutesy phrase. Mom is patient, I'll grant her that. This nausea is still bothering me; we toured the ladies rooms at Nordstrom's, Macy's and half a dozen other stores whose names I can't recall. My feet hurt. I think they're getting flatter and broader. And forget wearing heels. My Italian shoes just hurt too much. That's it...Mulder's t-shirts, Bermuda shorts and Keds. And my badge and gun. After listening to me rant and bitch, Mom finally took a deep breath and suggested that if this upset me so much I should go back to the seamstress who made my wedding dress and have her make a couple of suits for me. It isn't hard to find solid t-shirts to fit even a pregnant me. I can wear those with the suits along with my new flat and sensible shoes. Maybe I'm superstitious, but I remember what happened to my wedding dress. This is silly. She's an excellent dress-maker, very inexpensive and she's fast. I'll have her make some navy and black suits for me, then at least I'll have something to wear at work. I can do the Bermuda shorts at home. Mulder wasn't home when we got back; he's playing Dungeons and Dragons with the Gunmen. I'm glad. I'd hate him to see me like this, upset and cranky as Hell. I want to be pregnant, I just don't want to be, well, ugly. September 13, 2000 I just came back from a visit to Dr. Hansen. My blood tests....well, they aren't normal. "Dana, I want to discuss your latest set of blood tests." Dr. Hansen had already examined me and had asked me into her office to discuss my pregnancy. She looked concerned. "Why? Anything wrong?" I suddenly felt a clutch of fear. "Well, you recall those unusual blood factors that showed up in your original tests?" I nodded. Of course I know about the blood factors, my legacy of time spent a guinea pig of the consortium. Mulder and I hadn't explained in great detail the circumstances of my abduction, just that I had been the subject of human experimentation. "Yes. I know that my blood is somewhat unusual. Is there a problem?" "Well, we are seeing some changes in the blood chemistry that could indicate a reaction occurring between your blood and that of the fetus. I've never seen bloodwork like this before. It may negatively affect the baby." "I could lose the baby?" My voice had begun to tremble and I could feel my arms clutching my abdomen, as though to protect the life inside. "It's hard to tell, Dana. You have elements in your blood that I've never seen before. The nearest analogy is to an RH factor incompatibility. Your blood has produced the functional equivalent of antibodies to the fetus' blood. The level isn't harmful yet, but we need to monitor it to see if it is rising." "But it isn't an RH problem," I said flatly. "My blood type is positive, only if my blood type were negative and the child's positive would my body produce harmful antibodies." Dr. Hansen nodded. "That's correct, and you are a positive type. We double-checked that. No, the elements we found--we'll call them anti-bodies for lack of a better term, although they're not---are acting in the same way against what seems to them to be a foreign substance." "Human blood....but I've had transfusions before." This can't be. This just can't be happening, I kept telling myself. "Those were brief exposures to foreign blood. Pregnancy is a longer term exposure. It's taken three months to generate this modest level of reaction, and ultimately it may not be a problem." "Not for this pregnancy, you mean. But it might prevent my carrying others." "Yes, Dana. Unless we can determine a way to stop this progression, it can cause problems with this pregnancy and affect future ones." I went home after that doctor visit. I couldn't face Mulder at the office with this news until I'd absorbed it myself. I had a visitor waiting in my living room. "Get out." I glared at the old, weathered man smoking on my living room carpet. "Is that any way to greet your father-in-law?" he asked with a smile. He stubbed out his cigarette in a potted plant and glanced at my abdomen. When I caught his glance I wrapped my arms around my belly protectively. He laughed. "I assure you, Dana, may I call you Dana? I have no evil designs upon my grandchild. In fact, I'm here to help." His smile faded and he looked at me intently. "You have undoubtedly just discovered that your pregnancy may have its complications. A little problem of blood incompatibility? My people are very familiar with situations of this type and can treat it easily. I'm here to offer my help." "You can take your 'help' and get the Hell out of my home!" "Come now, Dana, you must admit that I have my resources. I'm the one that gave you your second chance at motherhood." "After you ripped it away from me in the first place!" I felt my body grow cold and fixed a focused glare on this sorry excuse for a man. "And after the torture you put Mulder through, what your butchers did to him, I should shoot you where you stand. And you have the gall to claim him as your son!" The old man had the grace to look a little embarrassed, then his accustomed smug confidence reasserted itself. "I cured him. When I found him in that hospital he was dying a slow and painful death. When you found him, by my arrangement I might add, he was cured of his illness and his telepathy. I was able to do more for him than you could. If anything, you both owe me a debt of thanks." "We don't want your 'help'. I won't let you experiment on this child." "If you don't accept the help I offer, this child will die just as Emily died. You and I both know that Emily could have been saved had my doctors continued to treat her. It was your intervention that prevented that." He gave me a look equally compounded of determination and...concern? "If you don't accept my help in this, there is nothing that you can do that will save this child. And you will have nobody to blame but yourself." He tossed a business card onto the coffee table. "I'll leave you to think about that." Title: Seeds (4 of ?) DANA SCULLY'S JOURNAL October 8, 2000 Mulder and I went to buy baby furniture today. We now have a two bedroom apartment, and so we have room for a nursery. I've decided that I want the nursery walls to be yellow (good for either gender of child) and found some wallpaper border with bunnies. It was wonderful to see Mulder's eyes soften as we looked over the wallpaper samples. Then when we got to the cribs, changing tables and high chairs I could see it all suddenly become real to him. He was going to be a father. His arm went around my shoulders then, and mine around his waist. We strolled through the furniture store without words. We didn't need any. We found a crib and changing table, in blonde wood. Then Mulder spotted a large rocking chair and all was lost. We have that too, in the nursery beside a stack of children's picture books: Good Night Moon, Where the Wild Things Are. Mulder has already made plans to sit in the rocking chair and read to our child regularly. He told me with complete seriousness that studies show that children read to from infancy develop faster and become better students. Of course, Mulder. October 10, 2000 Mulder insisted on coming with me to find out the results of my latest blood tests. I 'm glad he did. Kim (Dr. Hansen) looked grave as she sat us down in her office. "Dana, Mulder, I've gotten the latest test results on Dana's blood. There are definite changes in her blood chemistry showing a reaction in the fetus' system to some factor in Dana's blood." "What kind of reaction?" My voice came out calm and crisp. She couldn't know that I was clutching Mulder's hand beneath the level of the desk. "Well, for lack of a better word, I'd say that the baby's blood is becoming denser; it seems to be thickening. What? Is this familiar to you?" She had caught the grim look that Mulder and I exchanged. I nodded. "Yes, we are familiar with it. A few years ago Mulder was exposed to a retrovirus which caused hyperviscosity syndrome. He survived because he was suffering from hypothermia at the time, which slowed the progression of the symptoms. Anti-viral agents and Heparin pulled him through." My clutch on Mulder's hand grew tighter. I could see the look on his face. "This isn't...I mean, I couldn't have carried this thing dormant and passed it on to my child...could I?" Mulder focused burning eyes on Dr. Hansen. Dr. Hansen leaned back in her chair and sighed. "Mulder, I just don't know. I don't think this is a virus, but I can't identify it either." "Mulder, we have to get Dr. Hansen your medical records, too. And everything we have on the effects of this retrovirus." Mulder nodded. "This virus, or whatever, could be a normal factor in the alien DNA which reacts to Human blood. That would explain my infection and the reaction we're seeing now, since your DNA has alien DNA grafted into it now." I could see Kim Hansen's eyebrows climb up her forehead. She knows about our work in a general way, but not the specifics. Certainly not these specifics." "Alien? Mulder, what are you talking about?" Kim couldn't figure out whether Mulder was serious or not. I sighed. "Kim, he is serious. It's a long story...." We told her the story of the past 7 years of our partnership, from the first abduction case in Oregon, to the alien bounty hunter, my abduction, Antarctica, everything. When we finished, she was silent for a bit. Then she sat up straight and shook her head. "Dana, if it were anybody else but you and Mulder telling me this I'd be phoning Security to have you removed to the Psych ward. Do you have evidence of this? Of any of this?" "You have it before you, in my blood tests; in what it's doing to our child," I said simply. "You won't find this condition in your medical books, because it doesn't exist there." "So you believe that treating this condition with anti-viral drugs and Heparin cured it?" I shrugged. "Mulder was also exposed to extreme cold, which also has a negative effect on this virus or blood factor." Dr. Hansen reached for the phone and began punching in numbers. "I'm going to call a perinatologist at Georgetown. I think I need to refer you to a specialist if we're going to begin treating you with blood thinners and anti-virals." October 13, 2000 Mulder's birthday. I wish it could be a happier one. Dr. Jessup performed an ultrasound and took samples of the fetal umbilical cord blood. There is a tangible thickening of the fetal blood, and we can only expect it to get worse. Dr. Jessup has reviewed Mulder's and my medical records, blood samples from both of us and the baby and believes that this element, while it may be related to the virus that felled Mulder, isn't a virus. I have reviewed the same data and must concur. The effect may be caused by a combination of factors in my blood and the infant's, but at this point it's impossible to say. The various genetic factors and blood chemistries are so far beyond human norm.... My doctors and I have discussed the situation and have decided that I should begin daily injections of Heparin. Hopefully this will thin the baby's blood, although necessarily my own as well. This will make me subject to easily bruising, nosebleeds, possibly hemorrhaging. Mine was always an unusual pregnancy, I've become so high risk that Dr. Jessup doesn't know what to do with me. I worry and I am afraid. And I stare at the business card I picked up from the coffee table and tucked into my wallet. No. That isn't an option. His price would be too high. Mulder has begun working on the Basileus case to the exclusion of all else. I know what he's doing. He wants to find that woman and her medallion, to use it for me and the baby. He was like this when his mother had the stroke. I know that she must be a fake, but I won't stop him. At least if he feels that he's doing something, this will be better for him. So far, no leads. None of her 'patients' that we've tracked down so far know anything about her or her whereabouts. But I know Mulder, and he will keep trying. We went to dinner at Tony's tonight, to celebrate. We are trying to keep our spirits up, mostly ignoring the elephant in our living room much as we did when I had cancer. Tony was wonderful. He's so pleased that we're going to be parents that he can't do enough for us. He served us his mother's special minestrone soup, guaranteed to give every expectant mother a full quota of vitamins and minerals. Then he had the violinist serenade us. I never knew that you could play so many Elvis songs on violin. I got Mulder my usual gift, a tie. He expressed his usual subdued appreciation until he looked more closely at the pattern: little Wile E. Coyote's running diagonally across the tie, chasing tiny Road Runners. His snort of laughter made it all worthwhile. If I can live with Marvin the Martian on my living room wall, he can wear a Loony Tunes tie. October 23, 2000 I felt the baby move today! We were in the office, working. Since my pregnancy, Skinner has referred quieter, more sedate cases and as a result Mulder and I haven't taken any out of town trips in the last several months. I was reviewing more of the medical records in the Basileus case when I felt a strange fluttering in my abdomen. Gas? Heartburn? Then I stilled and realized what it was. My baby is alive inside me. I just sat, with both my hands over my belly, concentrating. "Scully? Scully, what's wrong?" I could hear the edge of panic in Mulder's voice as he came over to me. I looked up and I know that the joy was shining in my eyes. "I felt the baby kick, just now. He's alive, and he's moving." I moved Mulder's hand to rest over the spot where our child was dancing. I doubt that Mulder could feel anything, it was so subtle, but the look on his face was enough for me. November 2, 2000 No movement on the Basileus case. We have two other new cases. The first is a case of serial arson, elementary schools going up in flames in the San Joaquin Valley in California. Mulder suspects a firestarter because none of the forensic evidence has turned up any clues as to how the fire started. The second, a request for consult from Violent Crimes involves profiling a child molester who kidnaps and ritually abuses young children. I tried to talk Mulder out of it, but we both knew I was wasting my breath. He'll attempt to save the next child or die trying. But I did get his promise that a profile is all he will do; no fieldwork on this one. I saw him reading the file this morning and knew it, because I'd gotten it from Skinner. "Mulder, I want to talk to you about this case." I pulled the chair over to his desk and settled my new bulk into it. I've begun wearing the pregnancy suits my dressmaker created for me. Today's was the navy pantsuit. Tomorrow the black. "Hmm?" His eyes stayed trained on the paper for a moment then he looked up at me. "Yeah, Scully, what is it?" "Mulder, I have to ask something of you that won't be easy." I clasped my hands on the desk and looked earnestly into his eyes. "Sure, Scully, anything. You know that," Mulder said softly. "Don't do any fieldwork on this case. Please. They want a profile, just do a profile but nothing more. I...um...I..." I struggled to express my need for his support, for him to be *there* for me, to be himself. "Mulder, I *need* you to be yourself, to be with me in this. When you profile, you go someplace else inside, some place I can't follow you. I...I just can't do that right now." There. It was out. Dana Scully was a needy pile of pregnant hormones, begging her man to take care of her. I felt embarrassed by this admission of weakness. Mulder put his hand on top of my two clasped ones. "Scully? Scully, look at me." I looked up and saw love shining in those deep green eyes. "You are the *most* important thing in my life, and I am incredibly honored that you have asked me for my help." He looked down at the casefile and slowly closed hit with his left hand. "I'll do a profile, on paper. No scene visits, no witness interviews." I smiled and he smiled back. Maybe asking for help isn't so bad after all. November 4, 2000 I have been experiencing pre-term labor this past week. The spells would pass and Dr. Jessup wanted to monitor it. This morning it woke me with regular contractions. Mulder is taking me to see Dr. Jessup. later--- Dr. Jessup is concerned but doesn't feel that he needs to hospitalize me yet. He has given me medication for the contractions and I am to refrain from physical activity as well as sex of any kind. I don't know who will be more unhappy about that, Mulder or I? After 7 years of celibacy, having Mulder in my life has been like rain after a drought. But when push comes to shove, I loved Mulder before sex entered the picture and I'd love him if we never slept together again. I will also have to give up fieldwork for the time being. Running after felons just doesn't make sense any more. That hurts; I worry for Mulder if I'm not there to guard his back. The most terrible injuries he's had all happened when I wasn't there to protect him: Alaska, the boat dock, the warehouse. I haven't told Mulder about my latest dreams. I dream of blood; blood everywhere. And then the red haze clears and I see a child, a little boy with Mulder's features and red hair who leads me into the DOD operating room I found Mulder in. We go inside and Mulder is on the table, strapped down, pale. Only this time I find no heartbeat; he is dead. I turn and the child disappears, just evaporates. I am left standing alone in the empty, echoing room. November 6, 2000 It's too soon. Too soon. I woke at 3:00 this morning, lying in a puddle of liquid. I shoved Mulder to wake him, but he just mumbled something about "damned waterbed" and went back to sleep. So I hauled off and slapped him harder, and yelled "Mulder, wake up! For God's sake, wake up! We have to get to the hospital! The baby's coming." Mulder jumped out of bed, wild-eyed. He knows how early this is. Too early. Five months is too early.... My water broke at 3:00 a.m. this morning. Mulder is gathering my things to get me to the hospital. I am in labor. And it's too soon! Oh please Holy Mary, Mother of God, help my baby! __________________________________________________ Do You Yahoo!? Thousands of Stores. Millions of Products. All in one place. Yahoo! Shopping: http://shopping.yahoo.com Seeds (4 of ?)
From: Xenith <xenitha@yahoo.com>


Title: Seeds (4 of ?)

Author:  Xenith

Disclaimer: The X-files belong to Chris Carter
and 1013 Productions, not me. I'm only
borrowing the characters for now.  I'll put them
back when I'm done.

Rating: PG

Category: SA

Keywords:  MSR, Scullytorture, Muldertorture,
Scullyangst, Mulderangst

Spoilers: Thru 7th season

Archive: Sure!  Spooky's yes!

Feedback: Love it! Love it!

E-Mail address: xenitha@yahoo.com

Discussion List:  Yes!!! Yes!!!

Summary: A married Mulder and Scully expect a
child through IVF but all does not go well....get
out your hankies....

Author's Note: This takes place in the Abattoir
universe, following Wedding From Hell and
Honeymoon.  To read the other Abattoir Stories,
the website is at :
http://members.xoom.com/Xenith0/abattoir.html
To read Honeymoon by TBishop, go to
http://tbishop.freeservers.com

Author's Thanks:  Many and generous thanks to
Dr. David, my medical consultant for the gritty
details and thank you to TBishop for loaning him
to the cause.  And thanks to Spygirl and
Wylfcynne for the encouragement and
inspiration, and to Paige Caldwell for begging
me not to kill Mulder.

DANA SCULLY?S JOURNAL

October 8, 2000

Mulder and I went to buy baby furniture today. 
We now have a two bedroom apartment, and so
we have room for a nursery.  I?ve decided that I
want the nursery walls to be yellow (good for
either gender of child) and found some
wallpaper border with bunnies.

It was wonderful to see Mulder?s eyes soften as
we looked over the wallpaper samples.  Then
when we got to the cribs, changing tables and
high chairs I could see it all suddenly become
real to him.  He was going to be a father.

His arm went around my shoulders then, and
mine around his waist.  We strolled through the
furniture store without words.  We didn?t need
any.

We found a crib and changing table, in blonde
wood.  Then Mulder spotted a large rocking
chair and all was lost.  We have that too, in the
nursery beside a stack of children?s picture
books: Good Night Moon, Where the Wild
Things Are.  Mulder has already made plans to
sit in the rocking chair and read to our child
regularly.  He told me with complete seriousness
that studies show that children read to from
infancy develop faster and become better
students.  Of course, Mulder.


October 10, 2000

Mulder insisted on coming with me to find out
the results of my latest blood tests.  I ?m glad he
did.  Kim (Dr. Hansen) looked grave as she sat
us down in her office.

?Dana, Mulder, I?ve gotten the latest test results
on Dana?s blood.  There are definite changes in
her blood chemistry showing a reaction in the
fetus? system to some factor in Dana?s blood.?

?What kind of reaction??  My voice came out
calm and crisp.  She couldn?t know that I was
clutching Mulder?s hand beneath the level of the
desk.

?Well, for lack of a better word, I?d say that the
baby?s blood is becoming denser; it seems to be
thickening.  What? Is this familiar to you??

She had caught the grim look that Mulder and I
exchanged.  I nodded. ?Yes, we are familiar with
it.  A few years ago Mulder was exposed to a
retrovirus which caused hyperviscosity
syndrome.  He survived because he was
suffering from hypothermia at the time, which
slowed the progression of the symptoms. 
Anti-viral agents and Heparin pulled him
through.? My clutch on Mulder?s hand grew
tighter.  I could see the look on his face.

?This isn?t...I mean, I couldn?t have carried this
thing dormant and passed it on to my
child...could I?? Mulder focused burning eyes on
Dr. Hansen.

Dr. Hansen leaned back in her chair and sighed. 
?Mulder, I just don?t know.  I don?t think this is a
virus, but I can?t identify it either.?

?Mulder, we have to get Dr. Hansen your
medical records, too.  And everything we have
on the effects of this retrovirus.?

Mulder nodded.  ?This virus, or whatever, could
be a normal factor in the alien DNA which reacts
to Human blood.  That would explain my
infection and the reaction we?re seeing now,
since your DNA has alien DNA grafted into it
now.?

I could see Kim Hansen?s eyebrows climb up
her forehead.  She knows about our work in a
general way, but not the specifics.  Certainly not
these specifics.?

?Alien?  Mulder, what are you talking about??
Kim couldn?t figure out whether Mulder was
serious or not.

I sighed.  ?Kim, he is serious.  It?s a long
story....?

We told her the story of the past 7 years of our
partnership, from the first abduction case in
Oregon, to the alien bounty hunter, my
abduction, Antarctica, everything.  When we
finished, she was silent for a bit.  Then she sat
up straight and shook her head.

?Dana, if it were anybody else but you and
Mulder telling me this I?d be phoning Security to
have you removed to the Psych ward.  Do you
have evidence of this? Of any of this??

?You have it before you, in my blood tests; in
what it?s doing to our child,? I said simply.  ?You
won?t find this condition in your medical books,
because it doesn?t exist there.?

?So you believe that treating this condition with
anti-viral drugs and Heparin cured it??

I shrugged.  ?Mulder was also exposed to
extreme cold, which also has a negative effect
on this virus or blood factor.?

Dr. Hansen reached for the phone and began
punching in numbers. ?I?m going to call a
perinatologist at Georgetown. I think I need to
refer you to a specialist if we?re going to begin
treating you with blood thinners and anti-virals.?

October 13, 2000

Mulder?s birthday.  I wish it could be a happier
one.

Dr. Jessup performed an ultrasound and took
samples of the fetal umbilical cord blood.  There
is a tangible thickening of the fetal blood, and
we can only expect it to get worse.  Dr. Jessup
has reviewed Mulder?s and my medical records,
blood samples from both of us and the baby and
believes that this element, while it may be
related to the virus that felled Mulder, isn?t a
virus.  I have reviewed the same data and must
concur.  

The effect may be caused by a combination of
factors in my blood and the infant?s, but at this
point it?s impossible to say.  The various genetic
factors and blood chemistries are so far beyond
human norm....

My doctors and I have discussed the situation
and have decided that I should begin daily
injections of Heparin.  Hopefully this will thin the
baby?s blood, although necessarily my own as
well.  This will make me subject to easily
bruising, nosebleeds, possibly hemorrhaging. 
Mine was always an unusual pregnancy, I?ve
become so high risk that Dr. Jessup doesn?t
know what to do with me.

I worry and I am afraid.  And I stare at the
business card I picked up from the coffee table
and tucked into my wallet.  No.  That isn?t an
option. His price would be too high.

Mulder has begun working on the Basileus case
to the exclusion of all else.  I know what he?s
doing.  He wants to find that woman and her
medallion, to use it for me and the baby.  He
was like this when his mother had the stroke.

I know that she must be a fake, but I won?t stop
him.  At least if he feels that he?s doing
something,  this will be better for him.  So far, no
leads.  None of her ?patients? that we?ve tracked
down so far know anything about her or her
whereabouts.  But I know Mulder, and he will
keep trying.

We went to dinner at Tony?s tonight, to
celebrate.  We are trying to keep our spirits up,
mostly ignoring the elephant in our living room
much as we did when I had cancer.  Tony was
wonderful.  He?s so pleased that we?re going to
be parents that he can?t do enough for us. He
served us his mother?s special minestrone soup,
guaranteed to give every expectant mother a full
quota of vitamins and minerals.  Then he had
the violinist serenade us.  I never knew that you
could play so many Elvis songs on violin.

I got Mulder my usual gift, a tie.  He expressed
his usual subdued appreciation until he looked
more closely at the pattern: little Wile E.
Coyote?s running diagonally across the tie,
chasing tiny Road Runners.  His snort of
laughter made it all worthwhile.  If I can live with
Marvin the Martian on my living room wall, he
can wear a Loony Tunes tie.

October 23, 2000
I felt the baby move today!  We were in the
office, working.  Since my pregnancy, Skinner
has referred quieter, more sedate cases and as
a result Mulder and I haven?t taken any out of
town trips in the last several months.

I was reviewing more of the medical records in
the Basileus case when I felt a strange fluttering
in my abdomen.  Gas?  Heartburn?  Then I
stilled and realized what it was.  My baby is alive
inside me.  I just sat, with both my hands over
my belly, concentrating.

?Scully?  Scully, what?s wrong??  I could hear
the edge of panic in Mulder?s voice as he came
over to me.

I looked up and I know that the joy was shining
in my eyes.  ?I felt the baby kick, just now.  He?s
alive, and he?s moving.?  I moved Mulder?s hand
to rest over the spot where our child was
dancing.  I doubt that Mulder could feel
anything, it was so subtle, but the look on his
face was enough for me.

November 2, 2000

No movement on the Basileus case.  We have
two other new cases.  The first is a case of
serial arson, elementary schools going up in
flames in the San Joaquin Valley in California. 
Mulder suspects a firestarter because none of
the forensic evidence has turned up any clues
as to how the fire started.  The second, a
request for consult from Violent Crimes involves
profiling a child molester who kidnaps and
ritually abuses young children.  I tried to talk
Mulder out of it, but we both knew I was wasting
my breath.  He?ll attempt to save the next child
or die trying.  But I did get his promise that a
profile is all he will do; no fieldwork on this one.  

I saw him reading the file this morning and knew
it, because I?d gotten it from Skinner.

?Mulder, I want to talk to you about this case.?  I
pulled the chair over to his desk and settled my
new bulk into it. I?ve begun wearing the
pregnancy suits my dressmaker created for me. 
Today?s was the navy pantsuit.  Tomorrow the
black.

?Hmm??  His eyes stayed trained on the paper
for a moment then he looked up at me.  ?Yeah,
Scully, what is it??

?Mulder, I have to ask something of you that
won?t be easy.?  I clasped my hands on the desk
and looked earnestly into his eyes.

?Sure, Scully, anything.  You know that,? Mulder
said softly.

?Don?t do any fieldwork on this case.  Please. 
They want a profile, just do a profile but nothing
more. I...um...I...? I struggled to express my
need for his support, for him to be *there* for
me, to be himself.  ?Mulder, I *need* you to be
yourself, to be with me in this.  When you
profile, you go someplace else inside, some
place I can?t follow you. I...I just can?t do that
right now.?  There. It was out.  Dana Scully was
a needy pile of pregnant hormones, begging her
man to take care of her.  I felt embarrassed by
this admission of weakness.

Mulder put his hand on top of my two clasped
ones.  ?Scully? Scully, look at me.?  I looked up
and saw love shining in those deep green eyes. 
?You are the *most* important thing in my life,
and I am incredibly honored that you have
asked me for my help.?  He looked down at the
casefile and slowly closed hit with his left hand.
?I?ll do a profile, on paper.  No scene visits, no
witness interviews.?

I smiled and he smiled back.  Maybe asking for
help isn?t so bad after all.

November 4, 2000

I have been experiencing pre-term labor this
past week.  The spells would pass and Dr.
Jessup wanted to monitor it.  This morning it
woke me with regular contractions.  Mulder is
taking me to  see Dr. Jessup.

later---
Dr. Jessup is concerned but doesn?t feel that he
needs to hospitalize me yet.  He has given me
medication for the contractions and I am to
refrain from physical activity as well as sex of
any kind.  I don?t know who will be more
unhappy about that, Mulder or I?  After 7 years
of celibacy, having Mulder in my life has been
like rain after a drought.  But when push comes
to shove, I loved Mulder before sex entered the
picture and I?d love him if we never slept
together again.

I will also have to give up fieldwork for the time
being.  Running after felons just doesn?t make
sense any more.  That hurts; I worry for Mulder
if I?m not there to guard his back.  The most
terrible injuries he?s had all happened when I
wasn?t there to protect him: Alaska, the boat
dock, the warehouse.

I haven?t told Mulder about my latest dreams.  I
dream of blood; blood everywhere.  And then
the red haze clears and I see a child, a little boy
with Mulder?s features and red hair who leads
me into the DOD operating room I found Mulder
in.  We go inside and Mulder is on the table,
strapped down, pale.  Only this time I find no
heartbeat; he is dead.  I turn and the child
disappears, just evaporates. I am left standing
alone in the empty, echoing room.

November 6, 2000

It?s too soon.  Too soon. I woke at 3:00 this
morning, lying in a puddle of liquid.  I shoved
Mulder to wake him, but he just mumbled
something about ?damned waterbed? and went
back to sleep.  So I hauled off and slapped him
harder, and yelled ?Mulder, wake up!  For God?s
sake, wake up! We have to get to the hospital! 
The baby?s coming.?

Mulder jumped out of bed, wild-eyed.  He knows
how early this is.  Too early.  Five months is too
early....

My water broke at 3:00 a.m. this morning. 
Mulder is gathering my things to get me to the
hospital.  I am in labor.  And it?s too soon!

Oh please Holy Mary, Mother of God, help my
baby!

Title: Seeds (5 of ?)

MULDER'S JOURNAL

November 6, 2000

Before Scully would let us leave, she insisted
that she had to call her mother.  She calmly
reached out her hand for my cellphone and I
handed it to her, then peeled rubber out of that
parking place.

"Mom?  It's me, Dana.  We're on our way to the
hospital.  Yes, Mulder's fine; uh..my water
broke this morning.  Yeah...I know.  Only five
months.....Oh, could you bring him?  Thanks.  I
appreciate it."  Scully hung up the phone and
leaned back in her seat grimacing slightly.

"Sweetheart?  You okay?" I asked anxiously. 
Her eyes opened and I could see the worry in
them.

"I'm okay.  Mom is bringing Father McCue with
her to the hospital.  Just in case."

I felt cold.  Just in case---what?  In case the
baby dies?  In case my wife dies?  I didn't want
to think about those eventualities, much less
talk about them.  I just gave Scully a glance,
and I know that said it all.

By the time we got to the hospital, the
contractions were stronger and more frequent. 
I pulled into the emergency entrance at
Georgetown and followed the wheelchair that
took my wife into the ER.  Then I got waylaid by
the eternal paperwork and the admitting staff.

For once I could empathize with what Scully
must go through when I end up in places like
this.  All the while I was noting down insurance
information, I was longing to be at her side. 
Finally I just threw my wallet at the nurse and
said,

"I've got better things to do right now than fill
out goddamned paperwork.  Put it all on the
freakin' credit card and we'll work this out later. 
Where is she?"

The nurse handed me the wallet back and led
me to the Obstetrics department where, after I
was gowned and masked, I found Scully on a
bed in a delivery room.

"Hey, little mother.  How ya doin'?" I smoothed
the hair from her sweaty forehead and kissed
her.  They had her hooked up to more IV's than
I've ever seen, and that's saying something.

"S'okay...I guess.  They're trying to counteract
the Heparin in my system.  Baby's coming, like
it or not.  Too soon..." Scully shook her head
and I could see tears glistening.

"Can he survive?" I asked quietly.

She met my eyes.  "I've never heard of a
premie at less than 23 weeks surviving; ours is
only 20 weeks.  And even if he makes it, he
could have substantial deficits...." Another
contraction took her and I could see her tense
and fight against it; trying vainly to stop the
process and keep our child safe in the womb.

I grabbed her hand.  "Scully, I don't know much
about this, but I don't think you should be
tensing up like that...."

"That's absolutely right, Mr. Mulder." Dr. Jessup
said, eyeing the monitors.  "Dana, I'm sorry but
there's no way to prevent this birth.  You're
already dilated six centimeters and your waters
have broken.  We'll do our very best for you
and for the baby."

I could see medical personnel moving an
incubator into the room and readying an area,
to treat the baby I thought. 

Scully had another contraction and clutched my
hand, but she never made a sound.  I could
see her jaw clench, then release as the wave
passed.

"Sorry we hadn't gotten to those Lamaze
classes?" I asked her, smiling.

"Damn right.  All this god-damned medical
education and I feel helpless."  Her head fell
back against the pillows.  "Mulder... you aren't
going anywhere, are you?" Her hand tightened
on mine.

"No, of course not.  I'm staying right here.  I
want to see my child born."  She looked pale
and soon had another contraction but this time
gave a wrenching moan.  Her eyes glazed over
and I could tell she didn't see me.  Tears rolled
down her checks and at the next contraction
she cried out loud, hanging on to me like a
lifeline.  My Scully was in pain and I'm
supposed to be her coach and support.

"Scully?  Hey, I'm here G-Woman.  Try to
breathe, okay?  Don't hold your breath...The
doc says for you to yell as loud as you want, so
this is it.  Go for it!"  I bent over her and caught
her eyes with mine. "C'mon, sweetheart, how
about a couple good obscenities for me?"

She smiled a little then grimaced again and
took me at my word with a gut-wrenching
scream.  All I could feel was panic and I could
feel tears running down my face.

"Hey doc!  Can you give her some painkillers or
something?" Please, do something for her.  I
can't watch this....

"No, I'm afraid not.  Any drugs I give her will
cross the placenta and affect the baby.  I want
to give him every chance."  We both turned as
Scully gave a long anguished cry, tears starting
to run down her face.  This contraction didn't
seem to end like the others had.  The doctors
started moving faster as Scully writhed in pain.

Oh God, she hurt so much and I couldn't help
her.  No aliens to kill, no consortium spies to
interrogate, nothing I could do, just watch and
be with her.  I couldn't even coach her
breathing.  Neither of us had taken that
damned class and all the medical personnel
were swarming around the other end of the
bed.

One of the nurses adjusted the overhead lights,
shining it directly into Scully's face.  Scully
jerked and her hand in mine became a vice.

"No...no...leave me alone!  Please, leave me
alone," she began whimpering.  I leaned
forward and she looked up at me, unseeing. 
"No..please, don't take them.  Please don't take
them, leave me alone!  It hurts!"  

"Scully!  Scully?"  She was looking at me in
horror and trying to shrink away without
success.  Then I realized it.  Damn.  Bright
lights in her eyes, people surrounding her
wearing scrubs and masks.  And pain.  Oh
Scully....

I grabbed off my surgical mask and lowered my
face near hers so that she could see the nose. 
"Hey Scully, It's me--Mulder.  It's okay, you're
safe.  I'm here!  Please, Scully? Say
something."

She looked up at me then grimaced again and
gave an anguished yell.

"Here it comes," said Dr. Jessup. I watched as
a tiny red bundle landed in his large hands.  A
boy, but so very small.

Jessup handed my son to another doctor and
returned to Scully.  I soon saw why.  Blood. 
Lots of blood.

I heard Jessup mutter "Placental abruption.
Damn!" and call for blood.  I was pushed away
from Scully as they hovered over her, hanging
blood bags and working on her; trying to keep
her from bleeding to death.

I backed away and my eyes followed my son as
the other personnel wrapped him and began
working on him feverishly.    I could see his tiny
chest rise and fall, moving the nest of wires and
tubes in which he lay, surrounded by a swarm
of people.
I heard Scully calling for me and hurried back to
her.  Scully looked dully toward our son. 
"Mulder?  Our baby..."

"He's alive.  Are you okay?" I looked at her
closely.  She was so pale.

"I'm okay...now that I know I'm not in a train
car.  Mulder, will you see if Father McCue is
here yet?  I want our son to be baptized. Now." 
Her eyes were clear and determined.  I knew
that she was afraid of the same thing.  

I nodded and left the room.  Maggie and Father
McCue were outside.  Maggie looked up
worriedly.

"It's a boy but he's small.  Scully wants to have
him baptized right away."

"Of course," said Father McCue. He picked up
a prayerbook and followed me into the delivery
room.  Personnel were still swarming around
Scully and another set crowded my son.  My
fears for them both intensified.

"Father?" Scully called weakly to Fr. McCue. 
He went up to the head of the bed and smiled
down at my wife.

"Hello, Dana.  How are you feeling?"

"My son.  Please baptize him. Now.  I want him
baptized before he can..." She couldn't finish
the sentence and I could see tears welling up in
her eyes as she turned her head away.

"All right Dana.  What name do you want to
give him?" 

"William John.  William for his grandfathers..."

"And John for a prophet who cried out in the
wilderness....a good choice." McCue gave me a
sympathetic look and we edged in near the
incubator.  We explained to the doctor what we
were there to do and were given access.  And I
stood witness as my son was named.

Before he left, Fr. McCue gave Scully the Last
Rites.  Oh, they called it by it's newfangled
name: Prayers for the Sick, or something like
that.  But I knew what it was.  Maggie and I
stood by and prayed, each in their own way. 
And I know that Scully was comforted by it.  I
didn't let her see how upset and afraid I was,
she didn't need that.

Outside, Maggie gave me a long hug.  "I'm glad
Dana has you by her side, Fox. I just want you
to know that I've always wanted you for my
son-in-law, and I think that my husband would
have liked you very much.  You're very good
for her, you know."

"I wish I could do more." I found myself
fidgeting to be back in the room, at Scully's
side.  Maggie released me.

"Go on back to Dana.  Call me if you need me."

I nodded and walked her to the waiting room
door.

And now I am sitting in a chair at Scully's
bedside.  They gave her two units of whole
blood and she's stabilized now.   She's
sleeping quietly but wakes abruptly when I
move to leave the room.  She can't stand for
me to leave; I think she's still dreaming of the
train car, and my presence reassures her that
she's safe.

Little William has been moved into an intensive
care nursery and is still holding his own.  The
doctors do not look optimistic when I visit this
tiny scrap of flesh that I call my son.

I had never realized how very fragile are those
things that I value more than my life.  Scully's
love and presence has been so solid and
dependable.  

I almost lost her today.  

And my little boy.  He's so tiny and weak,
struggling to live.  All of this because of choices
I made early in my career, to pursue the truth
regardless of the consequences.  That pursuit
resulted in Scully's abduction and the terrible
changes they made to her blood chemistry. 
The things they did to her gave her the equally
terrible nightmares she has now.  And then,
whatever it is that was done to me, to alter me
genetically.  I know that what I am didn't
happen by accident.  

Because of all these things, instead of a full
term, healthy child we have a very sick little
boy.  My wife cannot rejoice in her child, but is
instead ill and fearful.  Oh, they owe reparation
for so much, so very much.  I can barely control
my rage as I write this.  But Scully and my son
need me more right now, and so I will not leave
them.  But later....later....  

November 7, 2000

He's gone.  I went into the nursery to check on
William and his incubator was empty.  The
nurses couldn't find him.  There were no
records of his having been moved to another
nursery.  He didn't die.  He's just not there. 
They're combing the hospital as I write this but
I know that they won't find him here.

I dread telling my wife what I know to be true. 
My son's 'grandfather', tired of offering his
'help' has taken matters into his own hands and
has stolen our child.


Title: Seeds (6 of ?)

DANA SCULLY'S JOURNAL

November 7, 2000

I don't know where to begin.  The past 24
hours has been a haze of pain, fear, joy and
anxiety.  I have a son, William John, who at this
moment is missing from his incubator in the
neonatal intensive care ward.

My husband has gone after him, determined to
find him.  I am alone in a hospital bed, unable
to go with him.  I can't do anything but worry
about them both.

Mulder burst into my room, his face deadly
pale.  I immediately thought the very worst,
news I had been expecting since William's
birth.

"Mulder?  He's dead, isn't he?" I tried to hold
back the tears but they began to fall.  Mulder
rushed over to me and held me close.  

He gave a bitter laugh.  I looked up, surprised.

"No, Scully, William isn't dead.  At least, I don't
think so.  He's gone, missing from the intensive
care unit.  Nobody knows when he was taken,
or by whom.  No witnesses and very few clues. 
Just this..." Mulder reached into his pocket and
removed a flattened and empty pack of Morley
cigarettes.

"Just like Samantha," Mulder finished bitterly.

I just stared at the package.  Just like
Samantha.....

"But don't worry, Scully.  I'm going after him
and I won't stop until I've taken him down *and*
brought our son back!"  I could see Mulder's
eyes glitter with rage, the kind of determination
that has kept him searching for Samantha for
over twenty years.

"Mulder, are you sure that this is a good idea?"
I said slowly, thinking through all the
implications.  Mulder jerked and gave me a
startled look.

"Scully, surely you, of all people, don't want
your child in *their* hands, to be a human lab
rat.  How can you consider such a thing?" He
moved away from me, looking at me as though
I had betrayed him.

I shook my head.  "Mulder, in this hospital
William has no chance at life.  I was telling you
the truth before.  At 20 weeks, he is just too
young to survive, it is only a matter of time until
he dies here.  At least..." My voice failed on a
sob, then I began again.  "At least with the
consortium his life can be preserved."

"You're arguing the same logic that compelled
my parents to turn over Samantha that night, at
least if you believe what we've been told."

"Yes, Mulder.  And I think that we are in a very
similar dilemma to the one that trapped your
parents.  With you and Samantha, they were
able to choose to put a child in each camp, one
to fight colonization and Samantha to
participate in it, ensuring survival of at least
one." I began to finger the hospital blanket,
pulling lint from the surface.  "We are trapped
in a no-win situation, Mulder.  If William returns
here, conventional medicine can't save him.  If
we leave him with the consortium, he'll live
but..."

Mulder's quiet voice finished my sentence. 
"But we may never see him again.  Is this our
only option?  To give another Mulder child to
the consortium?"  Mulder began to pace; I
could see that he was longing to take some of
his frustration out on the furniture but restrained
himself with difficulty.

He finally stopped and looked out the window,
then bowed his head.  "I can't do that, Scully. 
My father was trapped into an impossible
situation by them, but I refuse to be.  Even if I
have to leave William with them to save his life,
at least I want to know that my son is alive and
well!  I am owed that at least.  Especially since
his being taken was my fault."

"What do you mean, your fault?" I looked at his
guilty eyes in puzzlement.

Mulder looked back in misery.  "Cancerman
approached me after you got pregnant.  He
wanted us to go to him for special treatment, he
said that the pregnancy was threatened,
endangering your life and the baby's.  I turned
him down flat.  I....didn't tell you because I
knew what your answer would be and I didn't
want to worry you." 

"Mulder, I," I began but Mulder interrupted me.

"Scully, he's done this in retaliation for my
refusal.  He knows that this is the only way he'll
get his hands on our child and control us.  He
said that William's problems were caused by
my genetic make up." Mulder edged toward the
door, but didn't meet my eyes.  "I know you're
probably mad at me for not telling you, and I
don't blame you Scully.  William was taken
because of me and my screwy family.  All I can
do to try and make it right is get William back. 
Or at least find out what's happened to him."

"Mulder,..." I tried to tell him that it wasn't his
fault, that Cancerman had approached me too,
but Mulder was too wound up in his own sense
of guilt.  He cut me off again.

"Scully, I'm so sorry that this has happened.  I'll
call you when I can."  With that, Mulder slipped
out the door before I could say another word.

Since then I've tried his cell number multiple
times.  No answer. He's probably turned it off,
expecting nothing but recriminations from me. 
Damn the man and his guilt!  He's ditched me
again!

I'm not well enough to go after him; I feel like a
limp dishrag.  The doctor says I'll be out of the
hospital in a day or two, but still need to take it
easy.  I don't have time to take it easy.


---later---

A.D. Skinner came to interview me as part of
the investigation.  Kidnapping is a Federal
crime, and since Mulder and I are both agents,
the Bureau takes it personally.

"He what?" Skinner looked at me blankly.

"He's gone to find William.  If the baby can't
come home, at least we'll know he's being
cared for." I pulled my blankets tighter against
me, although the hospital room was warm
enough.  "I know that the consortium has
William, so I don't think that your investigation
will turn up much."

Skinner stopped and bowed his head, his arms
folded across his chest. "You know what you're
up against," he said softly.

I nodded.  "Yes. I can only hope that Mulder will
be successful, and that we can force the
consortium to give William back after they've
healed him."

Skinner shook his head slowly.  "Well, I'll put
Mulder on indefinite leave for the time being. 
And who knows? Maybe we'll turn up
something.

November 15, 2000

I am returning to work on Monday, medical
leave or not.  There's been no word from
Mulder since he ducked out of my hospital
room.  He hasn't come home and nobody has
seen him.

Mom is staying with me for the time being.  The
official reason is so that she can care for me
after the hospital.  The true reason?  I can't
stand to be alone.  I'm worried about Mulder
and the baby.  I've been having that nightmare
this week; I'm sure it's only a reflection of my
worry but still it unnerves me.

MULDER'S JOURNAL

November 12, 2000

They're letting me have my notebook and pen;
I don't think they're very worried that this will
ever see the light of day.

I've done some stupid things in my life, but
running out on Scully has to be one of the
biggest.  I couldn't face her.  The guilt I felt at
William's abduction just overpowered me.  And
it's an inescapable fact that had Scully been
partnered elsewhere in the Bureau, she would
never have suffered all the pain she's been
through ever since.  Now because she's the
mother of my child, she gets.....this.

But I digress.  I sit in a room, no windows,
linoleum floor, 10 feet by 10 feet without
furniture.  It has a urinal and a water tap on one
wall, recessed lighting and a door with a hatch
in it for my meals.

It's amazing how palatable Army C-Rations can
get when you're hungry. 

I knew that my 'father' had taken my son.  I
hoped that the old man hadn't moved since the
last time I'd threatened him with a gun, and
sought him out at home.  He was waiting for
me.

"Fox, how nice of you to visit.  Care for a
drink?"  The old bastard was sitting in an easy
chair smoking and drinking Scotch.  He
gestured toward the bottle.  I shook my head
and drew my gun.

"You knew, dammit!  You knew what was going
to happen all the time but you never told us."

He took a drag on the cigarette.  "Of course I
did.  And I did warn you, or I tried to.  You were
not very receptive."

"Where is my son?"  I pointed the gun at his
heart.  "What have you done with him?"

He looked at me calmly, then smiled.  "My
grandson is well and is being given excellent
care.  He will be returned to you when he is
healthy."

"Just like you returned Samantha?  I want to
see my son. Now!" 

He just looked at me.  He knew I didn't dare
shoot him; he was the only link to my child.

"Now!" I could hear my voice rise in anger and
hysteria.  Sam is gone and I may never see her
again.  I couldn't let that happen to William.

He put the cigarette out in the ashtray.  "I think
you should see how young William is doing in
my care.  Alex!"

I heard footsteps behind me and saw Alex
Krycek and two other goons grinning at me.  All
were armed, of course.

They wrestled my gun away and while the
goons held me down, Krycek's needle to my
bicep put me out.

I woke up here on a hard linoleum floor. 
They'd taken my clothes and left me dressed in
denim jeans and t-shirt but no shoes or socks. 
I have nothing that can be used as a weapon,
not even an ugly tie to use as a garrote.

Shortly after I woke, the goons arrived with Old
Smokey.

"Fox, I hope you slept well.  I'm here to grant
your wish.  Come, we'll visit my grandchild
now."

He led the way and I followed, the goons taking
up the rear.  I was confident that the slightest
wrong move on my part would land me back on
that linoleum floor with a new set of bruises.

"Why?  Why are you doing this?"  

"Doing what?"  He stopped and dropped his
Morley on the floor, grinding the butt with this
heel.

"Stealing my boy?  Tormenting Scully and me? 
Abducting Samantha?  Why?  What am I to
you that you do these things?"  So many years
and this man's shadow has darkened all of
them.

He looked vulnerable for a moment, then his
face hardened into its familiar smirk.  "I already
told you, Fox.  I'm your father.  I've done my
best to protect you over the years from my
colleagues who would have killed you.  It's
because of me that you are still alive. I don't
mean you or your wife any harm; far from it. 
You refused my help, so I took a grandfather's
prerogative and intervened.  Come."

He walked up a hallway and opened a door that
led into a huge room.  Like an earlier
warehouse I'd seen, it was full of tanks with
green liquid and moving bodies in them.  He
stopped in front of another tank, where a small
form moved freely.  William.

"What are you doing to him, you bastard? 
You're making him one of your damned
hybrids!"

He put his hand gently against the glass. 
Propped against the base of the tank I could
see a small blue plush teddy bear.  "I don't
have to transform him into something he is
already.  He gets that heritage from you, Fox. 
I've told you already, you're immune to the
Black Oil and the other alien plagues.  So is
he."

I ran my finger down the cold glass and saw
William's eyes open and meet mine.  His soft
baby-hair floated in the liquid.  He looked
bigger than he had only the day before.  

"Why the tank, then?  What are you doing?"

"We are giving him the time and growth he
wasn't able to gain in his mother's womb.  He's
already progressed to the stage of a 25 week
fetus in the twenty-four hours he's been here. 
He should be fully developed in a week."

"You're accelerating his growth? What else are
you doing?" I looked this man in the eye,
hoping for truth from a consummate liar.

"Nothing more.  He has already inherited the
most important qualities from you.  He'll have
an eidetic memory, genius level IQ, your
resistance to alien diseases..." He turned to
me.  "Possibly even your taste in ties, but one
must take the good with the bad."

"And then you'll let me take him home?" It
couldn't be this easy.  There must be a price, a
catch.

"When he's ready, he can go home.  It was
never my intention to steal your child from you. 
A son should be with his father."  He turned
and watched my son for a while, smiling a bit. 
"He's a handsome boy.  I look forward to
watching him grow."

I barely controlled my shudder and my
knee-jerk impulse to choke the life out of that
bastard.  He goes near my son over my dead
body.  However, looking at the firepower this
old coot can muster, I have to admit that this is
a possibility.

And so here I have resided.  I get visitation with
my son, of course.  I just knock on the door and
they'll let me sit with him.  I've sat for hours,
hand pressed against the glass, watching him
grow.  It's almost palpable how quickly he's
changing.  It's frightening.  But considering that
the alternative is death, I have to accept this.

They won't let me communicate with the
outside world.  The old man doesn't trust me,
and rightly so.  I'd have Scully and a horde of
Agents down on this place like the wrath of
God if I knew where it was.

So I bide my time and wait for the promised day
when I take my son and leave this place.  And
the first thing we'll do when we get him home is
test his blood, see if it's red and make sure he's
ours and not some hybrid changeling.

November 15, 2000

Cancerman approached me this morning
looking nervous--unusual for him.

"So what's wrong?  Run out of widows and
orphans to victimize?"  I put down this journal
and sat on the linoleum, watching him.

He puffed away at the ever-present cigarette. 
"I'm afraid we've run into a bit of a crisis here
and I'll have to ask your assistance."

I got up and dusted the seat of my jeans. 
"*You* need *my* help?  That's rich.  With
what? And why should I help you out?"

"The alien rebels were able to sabotage one of
our recent drug cultures, causing it to run loose
in one of our labs.  As a result we've been
forced to shut down the lab, making the
remaining samples stored inside unobtainable. 
This particular bug has a habit of...er...eating
through haz-mat suits and we need somebody
to go inside and retrieve the samples."

I looked at him.  "So?  Why me?"

He became, if possible, even more
uncomfortable.  "The mutated virus is alien in
origin.  We have a reasonable belief that you
are immune to it.  You are the only person on
the premises who can enter that lab safely and
perform necessary decontamination
procedures.  We need you to enter the lab,
retrieve the samples and then decontaminate
the area."

"Let me get this straight.  One of your genocidal
diseases is loose on the premises and you
*think* I'm immune to it.  So you want me to go
in, retrieve other samples of the same
genocidal disease, decontam the lab for you
and give you the samples so that you can turn
them loose on a helpless humanity. Is that a
good summation?"  I folded my arms over my
chest and gave him a glare.

He glared back.  "If somebody doesn't
decontaminate that lab, and fast, it'll leak into
the environment and kill millions before we
have a hope of stopping it.  One of those
samples you'll be retrieving is a counter-agent
which will kill the virus.  I might remind you that
your wife and her family are residents of the
greater D.C. area and would be immediately
affected by this virus if it becomes airborne."  

He took a drag on his cigarette.  "As you
already know, we hope never to deploy these
diseases because we want to find a counter to
them first.  We haven't stopped trying to save
everybody, as Bill Mulder planned."

He played his last card.  "William is out of the
tank and breathing freely on his own.  Apgar
score of 9,  I'm told.  After you've accomplished
this small task, we'll deposit you both back
home."

As a result I am suited up in a haz-mat suit. 
(Okay, so it eats through these things.  It
makes me *feel* better).  They took me to see
William and, my God he looks great.  He looks
like a normal newborn.  He has green eyes and
a full head of red hair.  It looks like he got my
nose, though, poor kid.

They took me to the lab, handed me a tank of
decontamination fluid with spray nozzle and a
carry-case for the samples.  Then they all
scurried away.  I guess I'll leave the notebook
here and will finish this entry when I'm done.  I
hope the old man keeps his word.

DANA SCULLY'S JOURNAL

November 20, 2000

I got a call from Skinner this morning.  Mulder
and William both turned up at Georgetown
Memorial this morning.

"Where's Mulder?  Why isn't he on the line?" I
asked anxiously.  "And how is William?"

"Agent Scully, we think that the baby might be
William, although this child looks and weighs
like a full term infant.  Still, he bears a marked
resemblance to Agent Mulder and the baby's
footprint matches the print taken at birth. 
Regarding Agent Mulder...."

I rushed to the hospital, not believing what
Skinner had told me.  But there he was, silent
and still in a hospital bed.  He was on a
ventilator with an IV in his arm and an ng tube.

I met Mulder's physician at the bedside.  "You
mean to tell me that nobody remembers him
being admitted?  There's no paperwork at all?"

Dr. Scott shook his head.  "I'm sorry Dr. Scully,
but we're stumped.  There is no paperwork on
Mr. Mulder at all.  We identified him by a wallet
left sitting on the bedside table.  He had been
washed and cared for before he was left here. 
We have no idea where he could have come
from."

I walked over to Mulder and looked at his vitals. 
"What's wrong with him?  Do you have a
diagnosis?"

"That's another strange thing.  We believe that
he was exposed to some unknown type of
virus.  It's had the effect of progressively
shutting down the major organs of the body. 
We don't believe it's contagious.  Basically the
virus does its damage, then dies within its
host."

"A bio-weapon," I muttered.  "Something that
would be immediately effective on deployment,
then die after it's caused its havoc.  Have you
tried any treatment?"  I ran my hand through
Mulder's hair, then down across his quiet skin. 
Even Mulder asleep is more animated than this.

Dr. Scott presented me with the chart.  They'd
tried the standard anti-virals to no effect.  And
at this point the damage was done, the virus
was gone leaving Mulder's body ravaged.  He
is dying and it's only a matter of time now.

"Let me see the baby."

I was taken to the nursery where I found a
bright-eyed, full term infant waiting for me.  He
has Mulder's face and my hair.  Still, I looked
over the charts.  Blood test--human.  He bleeds
red, thank God.  I ordered a DNA test against
Mulder's and my blood just the same, but I
know that this is my child.

I returned to Mulder and sat by his bedside.  I
know that he did a deal with the devil to get our
son back.  Now I need to find just what that
devil did to him and if it can be reversed. 

Title: Seeds (7 of ?)

SCULLY'S JOURNAL

Author's Note: This takes place in the Abattoir
universe, following Wedding From Hell and
Honeymoon.  To read the other Abattoir
Stories, the website is at :
http://members.xoom.com/Xenith0/abattoir.html
To read Honeymoon by TBishop, go to
http://tbishop.freeservers.com

Author's Thanks:  Many and generous thanks
to Dr. David, my medical consultant for the
gritty details and thank you to TBishop for
loaning him to the cause.  And thanks to
Spygirl and Wylfcynne for the encouragement
and inspiration, and to Paige Caldwell for
begging me not to kill Mulder.

DANA SCULLY'S JOURNAL

November 20, 2000

I have examined Mulder thoroughly myself.  I
found old bruising to his jaw, mostly healed. 
He probably got that 5 to 7 days ago.  Other
than that, he has no suspicious wounds or
marks.  He has a number of puncture wounds
to his arms, but that would be consistent with
the IV's, both here and wherever he was
treated before.  And I know that he was treated
before.

His blood shows none of the branched DNA
that mine did after I was abducted, so they
didn't try to modify his genetics.  I think they
already did that, many years ago.  So what
*did* they do to him?  Why did they decide to
kill you now, Mulder, and then return you and
my son to me?  And why return you now,
dying?  Easier to just dump your body
somewhere.

"Penny for your thoughts," a familiar voice
grated and I smelled a familiar odor of old
nicotine.

I turned around and saw him, lounging
nonchalantly in the doorway.

"Murderer," I hissed.

"Now, now, that's a bit strong."  He puffed his
cigarette, then at my glare stubbed it out.  "How
is my grandson?"

I turned my face back at Mulder's still form. 
"You're still trying to claim a relationship to
which you have no claim.  Mulder was right. 
You do kill your children."  I held my fury inside
with all my strength of will.  I had to know what
he'd done to Mulder.

I turned to face him.  "What did you do to him?"
I asked steadily, watching his face for any
change.

He looked vulnerable for a moment.  Almost
guilty.  

"Our scientists had been working on a virus,
known to digest plastics, lethal to humans. 
We...failed to neutralize a bit of sabotage by
the alien rebels in time and the virus was
released into one of our priority labs, killing all
personnel inside.  We believed that the virus
was not lethal to anyone possessing alien DNA;
it's based on a harmless virus commonly found
among the colonists.  It was on the verge of
being released into the general atmosphere,
causing a considerable amount of havoc and
destruction in the D.C. area."  He fumbled in his
pocket and pulled out a pack of cigarettes, his
eyes focused on Mulder's blanket-draped body.

"So you sent Mulder in.  Why?"

"He was the only one who could decontaminate
the lab.  Only a true alien-human hybrid would
be immune to this 'harmless' virus.  Or so we
thought.  He went in and succeeded in
decontaminating the lab, retrieving several
valuable samples before he collapsed outside
the lab door."  He pulled a cigarette from the
pack and lit it up with a gold lighter.  His fingers
seemed to tremble just a bit.  He finally looked
me in the face.

"Imagine our surprise when we discovered that
we had so modified this virus that it is lethal to
those carrying alien genes as well.  The genes
provide resistance, but do not protect.  We've
unwittingly created an effective bio-weapon
against the colonists."

I shook my head and folded my arms across
my chest, suddenly chilled.  "But your weapon
would decimate millions of humans, just to kill a
few thousand aliens."  A sudden suspicion hit
me.  "You sent him in on purpose.  You knew
what you had created, but you had to be sure. 
So you sent in the only alien-human hybrid you
had.  He's redundant now that William's been
born....." I stopped and just looked at this man,
unable to fathom what I'd just concluded.

"Please....please," my voice trembled.  "I...I'm
begging you,  please let him live.  I'll make
whatever deal you need, just heal him.  You
have to heal him..." I scrubbed at my eyes with
the back of my hand, which came back
smudged with eye makeup and mascara.  "You
don't need him any more, but surely he still has
some value to you...." I looked up at his old,
wicked eyes and pled, "Please..."

"Agent Scully, believe what you like about me,
but you're wrong," he said angrily.  "My best
doctors worked on him for *five* days, trying to
kill the virus and repair the damage.  They were
only partially successful."  He gave a long look
at Mulder and his head bowed.  "We could only
prolong his life, not save it.  I elected to return
him to you; my organization owes him that at
least."

"And my son?" Dana, keep the voice steady. 
Don't let this old demon know you're ready to
wail hysterically with grief...."Why not keep
him?"

"He belongs with his mother.  And I *am* his
grandfather.  Is it so strange that I might care
for his welfare? Or for that of his father?" He
gave me a rueful little smile, put the cigarette to
his lips and left the room.

Now, as I sit here beside Mulder, I ponder the
inevitability of my widowhood, and the strange
relationships he has brought into my life.  What
to believe....this old man who lies and lies and
lies and, sometimes, tells a little truth.  How can
you tell?  Oh Mulder, you were right.  You are
doomed by your heritage.

November 21, 2000

Mom came to sit with me.  She's asleep in the
other chair.  Skinner stopped by, and so did
Father McCue.  Even though Mulder isn't
Catholic he said a prayer and blessed him.  I
will turn away nothing that might help this man. 
He needs a miracle now.

Miracle.

I think I might know where to find one, maybe.


---Later---

I've pulled every bit of data we collected on the
Basileus file.  I located five of her 'patients' and
will re-interview each of them.  I have to find
the commonalities, figure out how this woman
found them.  Then maybe I can find her. 
Please God, let me find her.

November 23, 2000
Thanksgiving

I told Mom not to expect me; she understands
although Bill made a squawk.  Mom just glared
at him.  I've been sleeping in the office. William
is still in the hospital nursery, undergoing tests
and waiting on DNA confirmation that I am his
parent.  After what happened before, they have
him locked down tighter than the Pentagon. 
Not that it would prevent his 'grandfather' from
taking him again.  I want to know the identity of
every chemical in this child's bloodstream,
know every procedure they performed on him.
If Mulder...if he doesn't....I need to know how
best to protect my son, need to know what
value he holds for them.

So far no viable leads in the Basileus case.  I
am cross checking nursing and medical staff
involved with each patient, friends, family,
anything.  So far, nothing.

The Gunmen are pulling all nighters in the
same quest.  They visited Mulder yesterday. 
Frohike broke down in the hospital room and
Byers had to drive him home.  Langly keeps me
updated on their progress.  Unfortunately their
progress is as poor as mine.

He's been in danger before, I've had to search
for answers, search for him before but I always
had a clear path.  There was something I could
*do* to help him, whether it be cajoling a flight
to Alaska on a military plane or deciphering a
Navajo alphabet.  Now, I have reached a dead
end.  There is *nothing* I can think to do that
will save him.

On this day of thanks, I cannot find it in my
heart to feel grateful for this terrible pain in my
soul.

November 24, 2000
5:00 a.m.

I just had the strangest meeting--visitation?  I
was asleep with my head on my desk, here at
the Hoover Building when I felt a hand on the
crown of my head.

I woke up and there stood a woman, thin with
golden brown hair that curled wildly.  She wore
a floral dress that smelled of roses.  She smiled
at me with deep brown eyes.

"Hello, Dana.  I'm sorry it took me so long to
get to you."

"Uh...excuse me?" I just looked at her.  No I.D.
badge. "How did you get in here?"

She just smiled warmly at me.  "I knew that you
needed me, Dana.  You want to save your
beloved, don't you?"

This conversation couldn't be happening.  This
must be the Basileus woman..."Excuse me, but
are you Kora Basileus?"

Her smile brightened.  "My friends call me Kory. 
Do you want to save him?"

I nodded.  "Yes.  Oh yes.  Is there...anything
that you could do?"

She looked at me speculatively.  "How much do
you want to save him?  Would you risk death
for it?"

"Yes, of course," I answered steadily.  What a
silly question; as though Mulder and I hadn't
spent the last 7 years doing just that for each
other.  "Please, would you come with me to the
hospital?  Right now?" I got up and approached
her.

She shook her head.  "No, I can't come with
you; I'm expected elsewhere.  But take this.."
She pulled a gold chain from around her neck
and handed me a battered looking bronze coin. 
I recognized the markings--a quartered circle
on both sides.

"Hold this against his skin and desire his health
and wholeness and, short of death it shall be
done."

I took the coin into my hand, studying it
carefully.  It tingled as it hit my palm and felt
warm to the touch.

"But how...?" I started to ask, but she was
gone.  I hadn't heard the door open or
footsteps.  I moved to the doorway and found
nobody there.  Security hadn't seen her,
entering or leaving.  Not for the first time in my
career, I set aside my questions and went
forward.

My car wouldn't start.  Thirty minutes and some
jumper cables later, I drove to the hospital at
breakneck pace, cursing the early morning
traffic with all my heart.  I tried to call ahead,
but I'd left my cell phone at my desk.  Two
accidents on the way, and roadwork left traffic
at a crawl. All I knew was that I needed to
hurry.  Finally, finally I parked in the red zone
and ran to the elevator, sprinting from it to
Mulder's room.

I found my mother and Skinner standing just
outside the door.

"Dana, we've been trying to reach you! Dana...
Oh honey I'm so sorry...." Mom reached out to
me and hugged me close.

Skinner stood behind her with a grim look on
his face.  Was that a tear in the corner of his
eye?

"What?  What is it? What happened?  Mulder? 
Mom, let me go!"  I pulled myself away and ran
into Mulder's room.  They'd disconnected the
heart monitor and he lay quietly in bed. Too
quiet.

I walked up to him and held a hand against his
neck.  No pulse.  None at the wrists either.  His
skin was cooling to the touch.  No breath, no
sound....

Mulder...

Mom came up behind me, and I felt Skinner's
hand on my shoulder.

"They tried, Dana.  They tried to resuscitate
him but they couldn't.  His body was just too
damaged to survive.  We couldn't reach you,
but we know that the doctors tried.  Dana, they
tried..."

"What time?  When?" I asked numbly.

Skinner said softly, "Fox Mulder was pronounced dead
ten minutes ago, at  6:20
a.m. I'm so sorry, Dana."


Title: Seeds (8 of ?)

DANA SCULLY'S JOURNAL
(undated)

I just stood there, holding that useless damned
coin in my hands.  I reached out and stroked
Mulder's face, trying to catch any feeling,
motion, breath.  Nothing. Nothing.  He was
gone.  

Oh Mulder, I got you your miracle...why couldn't
you wait for me?

I heard rustling sounds behind me.

"Dana, honey, we'll be right outside if you need
us..." I heard Mom and Skinner leave the room.

That damned coin still tingled in my hand.  Why
not?  I pressed it against Mulder's pale
forehead and wished with all my heart.

Nothing happened.

I could feel the sobs building up inside,
struggling to be released.  No good.  I was too
damned late; this stupid hunk of metal was no
good at all for all it's legendary powers.

Wait a minute.

What had she said?  That, short of death, the
coin would respond to a wish.  But there was
more to the legend, wasn't there? All those
legends that Mulder was so fond of quoting,
about Orpheus and Heracles, retrieving friends
from the clutches of death.

I studied the coin more closely.  No special
markings, no secret lettering.  Maybe the
difference was in the user's intention.  I couldn't
wish Mulder back to life.  But, could I follow him
and bring him back?

I said a brief prayer and put the coin back on
Mulder's forehead, then rested the palms of
both hands on top.  And I wished, wished so
hard that I could feel a tightness in my chest
and a tingling in my limbs.  I prayed and
begged the universe to let me in...let me follow
him to Hades and bring him back......I never felt
it when my body collapsed and fell across
Mulder's dead form.


I found myself in a twilit place, standing on a
path running through a dense forest.  Cypress
and hemlock trees, I thought, and maybe a
laurel or two.  I looked around and saw nothing
but more forest behind me.  The coin was in my
hands and I was dressed as I had been,
pantsuit and trenchcoat.  I'd forgotten my
maglite, although I wondered if it would work
here.  In Hell.

I shrugged and began to walk forward along
the path, my feet crunching in the surface. 
What was that?  I reached down and picked up
a pinch of the substance---fine ash I thought.  It
was black and powdery and sifted through my
fingers like no other substance I'd ever felt.  I
shivered and kept walking.

Before long I began to see tiny white flowers
dotting the edges of the path.  They seemed to
glow with their own light; could this asphodel? 
Interesting.

I soon came to a large river.  The water ran
black and cold and deep.  I was thirsty and
reached out a hand to scoop some up when I
heard a voice behind me.

"I wouldn't do that if I were you," said a gravelly
voice.  I looked up and saw a short, gnomish
man standing next to a boat.  His grizzled
beard and hair hung low over his t-shirt and
leather leggings.  He looked for all the world
like a medieval version of Frohike.  With a
Grateful Dead t-shirt and tattoos.

"What?"  I just stared at him.  I don't know what
I'd expected, but a rock fan in Hell was a bit
much.

"You don't want to drink the water, or ingest
any of the local food. Unless you want to forget
who you are and stay forever, that is.  The river
Lethe runs into the Styx here, and one sip of
that water your amnesia is total."  He gestured
at the river, then toward his boat.  "You need to
cross the river?"

"Thanks for the warning.  Yes, I do.  I...I need
to find someone."  His eyes went to the coin
and widened.

"Oh, so you're one of those, huh?  Trying to
harrow Hell for somebody you love?  Good
luck.  There's not many who succeed.  Now,
what'll you give for the toll?" He stuck his hand
out, palm up.

Toll?  "Oh yes, Charon charges two gold pieces
for passage..." I looked blankly around and
began to offer him the coin.

"Oh no, I don't want that.  It isn't gold, and
besides that's your token that you have a right
to be here.  Lose that and you're our guest
forever." He grinned and I could see the
stumps of rotten teeth in his mouth.

"Does it have to be a coin? Will you take other
gold?" I asked reluctantly.

"Yeah, as long as it's gold."  He eyed my
wedding and engagement rings avidly.

And so did I.  Mulder gave me those rings to
symbolize our love.  The engagement ring was
his grandmother's, the wedding ring--with it's
silly "x" designs--Mulder had chosen himself
without any input (or approval) from me. 
Between them, those rings symbolized our
partnership: classic, unconventional, golden. 
No.

I began to reach for the necklace I'd worn since
I was a teenager.  I unfastened the cross from
my neck and pooled it in my hand.

"Will this do?" I said softly, holding it out in my
hand.

He watched me closely and gingerly picked it
up, the cross dangling from its chain.  "It's light,
very light.  Barely enough there to give you
passage...but yes.  It's an acceptable price." 
He gestured toward the boat, and I got in. 
Then he began poling us across the river.

Charon was chatty as we crossed.  "So, you're
going to ask Hades to release a soul? Whose?"

I eyed the shore.  "My husband."

"Your  true love, huh?  Good luck, you'll need
it.  Hades has his issues about romance and
marriage."  He shook his head and poled the
boat in to shore, then helped me onto the
beach.

"Well, I hope you're successful.  Just don't
forget about the important things..." He went
back to the boat and began poling it away from
shore.

"What important things?" I called to him.

"Trust...and faith!"  His voice faded in the
distance as he rapidly drew away.

I pondered that while I faced inland.  Another
path began off the beach and I followed it. 
More trees, more dim twilight, still more white
flowers clustered tightly together in clumps of
glowing light.

At last the path narrowed, passing between two
huge boulders.  I squeezed between them and
saw, past the boulders, a bright green meadow
crowded with poppies and anemones.  The
path changed from cindery black to soft moss,
light clouds floated in a brilliant sky. Feeling
lighter I began to make my way past the
stones, I heard a growl and a huge, doglike
creature jumped in front of me growling and
barking....and it had three heads.  It wouldn't let
me through the narrow pass.

Cerberus, the 3 headed dog of Hell.  This was
getting ridiculous.  I edged to one side, the dog
paced me.  I saw that it was chained.  If I could
get far enough past it, the dog couldn't pursue. 
I pulled my gun and decided to try firing over
it's head to frighten it.  I aimed and pressed the
trigger.  Nothing.  Damn.  I tried again, but
again failure.  Guns don't work here.  What
else?  It was starting to lick its chops, all three
heads.  Hungry?  Great.  Just great. And I'm
fresh out of dog food.  Or am I?

I rummaged in my pocket for the last vestiges
of my pregnancy cravings...Yes it was still
there.  A full bag of salt-water taffy.  I tore open
the plastic and began tossing candies into its
gaping mouths.  Once it tasted pure sugar, the
beast was hooked and began chewing
enthusiastically.  I kept tossing candy at it as I
scooted past.  I fired off the last taffy just as the
dog reached the end of its chain.  By then it
was wagging its tail at me happily and barking
with happiness.

I was past it.

I walked for hours down the path, through a
near eden of tall trees, flowery meadows and
crystal streams.  These must be the Elysian
Fields, I thought.  But no people that I could
see.

Finally I could see a building ahead.  It looked
like....no...it couldn't be.

I walked up to the front door of Versailles and
knocked.

A very formal looking butler let me in and
guided me to a large office without saying a
word.  I sat nervously and looked around me.  I
faced a truly huge mahogany desk, bare of
paper or decoration.  No phones or office
machines.  I hadn't expected this, but then this
isn't the sort of visit you have expectations
about.  I guess.

The double doors opened and two people
came in.  The first was a tall man, just out of
middle age with striking features and black hair. 
He was well dressed in an Italian suit that
Mulder would salivate over, gold cufflinks,
polished shoes, tasteful tie.  He sat down
behind the desk.

A woman followed him in.  In her own way she
was as striking as he was.  She was tall and
thin with curling golden brown hair and deep
brown eyes.  She seemed to be wearing a
dress of flowers, that wove and twined across
her body.  As she passed me, I smelled roses. 
Where had I smelled that perfume...then I
looked at her more closely.  Darken the hair,
make it frizzier, substitute a cotton dress...

"Kora Basileus," I blurted.

"Kory, please," she smiled and took a chair
next to the man.  "Dana Scully, may I introduce
my husband Hades,"basileus morou" as the
ancient Greeks called him, the Lord of Death."

Hades simply looked at me with deep eyes.  I
found myself caught in their pull until he moved
and the spell was broken.

"And why are you troubling my day, Dana
Scully?  I am already aware of your errand and
I do not favor it."  He looked at the coin I still
held with some distaste.  "Kory, are you still
allowing that talisman to circulate among the
humans?  These things wouldn't happen if you
let them lock it up in a museum."

Kory shrugged and looked at me with
compassion.  "I hate suffering.  And we both
know that my work prevents those whose time
has not arrived yet to prolong their stay upon
earth.  You yourself admit that the talisman is
useful."

"Well, I suppose it is.  Keeps the population
down only to those who belong here.  Except
when we have living visitors like *her*."  He
pointed at me and suddenly I found my voice.

"You know why I'm here, then?"

"Of course," he said with a bored look.  "Your
husband has died and you want me to allow
him to leave with you.  The answer is 'no'."

I began to feel a spark of temper. "Why?  Why
can't he go?  You know that it can't be his time. 
Korey gave me the talisman to heal him!  But I
was too late..." He just stared at me and my
voice dropped to a whisper.  I had the sudden
conviction that I could have been there faster, if
I'd just tried harder.

"Why should I give him back to you?  You
didn't appreciate him while he was yours."
Hades leaned forward and fixed his stare on
me.  "It took you seven years to acknowledge
his love for you.  How many times did he show
you how he felt?  You constantly questioned his
theories, quashed his arguments, admitted that
your sole joy in life was proving him wrong.  He
would have thrown himself in front of a
speeding train for you, but you pushed him
away."

"I...I was his only friend.  I lied for him, many
times.  I protected him, covered for him when
he was following clues..."  Oh, this wasn't going
well.  "I was never sure how he felt...He never
said..."

"He told you that he loved you and your reply
was, and I quote 'Oh brother'".

"I thought he was drugged, on painkillers...none
of the other things he was saying made
sense..." My voice began to get thick with
tears, and tremble.

"Nothing Mulder has ever said have you
accepted on first hearing.  Even when he's
right, you will not allow yourself to believe him;
to believe *in* him.  How little faith you have in
this man you say that you love..."
 
Hades looked away from me in disgust and
glanced at Kory, sitting quietly by his side.  "I
know what it's like to love and love someone
who is unobtainable.  It's like a burning pain
inside, which no water can quench.  To wait for
a glance, a word of approval and to cherish
every look."  He sighed.  "And to feel pain with
every rebuff, no matter how gentle."

"I never rebuffed him..."

"'If it rains sleeping bags you might get lucky...'"
Hades drawled. "'It must be fate, Mulder, iced
tea..'"

"Stop...please...just stop," I whispered.  "Yes, I
didn't appreciate him enough, I argue with him
and disagree with him.  But I love him; he's my
husband and the only man I'll ever love.  We
didn't have enough time together, not enough. 
We have a child, a newborn son that Mulder
will never see grow.  And I do believe in
Mulder, I've followed him across the earth, on
countless senseless roadtrips because I trust
him, even where I don't believe.  I love him. 
Please...please give him back to me.  He loves
me, so very much, he would want to be with
me.  Let him go with me."

"There is a precedent," murmured Kory. "And
she's right, she has the talisman.  It wasn't his
time."

Hades looked at her, his face softening.  "And
you think that we should release this man to
her?"

Kory smiled into his eyes and nodded.  "Hades,
you and I both know that relationships go their
own way.  Mother disapproved when I married
you, but I did it anyway because I believe in
your work, as dark as it is."  She reached out
her hand and he took it.  "Justice is important,
but so is mercy.  And faith."

He shook his head.  "She has shown so little
faith in him.  She believes more strongly in her
science than in the man she's chosen to spend
her life with.  How can she possibly succeed?"

"I think she can.  And she can't stay here; her
son needs her.  Besides, her time here is
getting short."

"All right.  Under the usual conditions, she can
have him.  But because I still have my doubts, I
impose my own conditions as well."  He turned
to me.

"Dana Scully, spouse of Fox Mulder, you may
have your husband's soul back and return with
it to the living world.  If you succeed in returning
together, he will be alive, well and whole again,
as he was before his sickness."

My face lit. "Thank you.  Oh thank you so
much.."  He held up a hand.

"I'm not finished.  There will be conditions. 
First, you must persuade Mulder to go with you. 
He will not remember you, believing that he has
not died and that he has worked alone on the X
Files for the past 7 years.  He will not know any
Dana Scully. " Hades paused to make sure that
his words were taking effect.  They were; I was
worried.

"Secondly, he must follow you of his own free
will, and go into the world of the living.  If you
persuade him to go, he will walk behind you,
but will not be able to speak to you.  You may
speak to him, but you must not look behind, not
even once.  If you look behind you, even a
single glance, he will be drawn back into death,
irrevocably.  This time, Dana Scully, your faith
in him must be absolute; you must believe in
this love of yours.  If not, he will remain here,
forever."

Title: Seeds (9 of ?)

DANA SCULLY'S JOURNAL

....continued......

The room fell silent.  I have to admit that I was
afraid of this man, so terrible in his judgment of
me.  "Take me to him," I said simply.

Kory moved from her chair and walked toward
me.

"One warning more, Dana.  Your time here is
limited.  If you stay too long, the body you left in
the living world will die and I will not release
your soul to return to it.  And for your journey
back, be warned.  The passage to life is much
longer and harder than the road into death.  But
believe this, I hope that you will succeed, for if
you do then your husband has a love that the
gods would envy."

Kory flashed him a glance, then led me out the
door.  We walked down a long hallway and
suddenly we were in the Hoover Building. 
Nobody seemed to notice us as we got into the
elevator and rode to the basement.  Kory left
me at the door of the basement office.  She
plucked a white flower from her hair and
handed it to me.  It was one of the little glowing
blossoms I'd seen in the meadows here.

"Take this, Dana.  The asphodel will tell you
how much time you have left.  For as long as it
is healthy and glowing with light you may
remain here.  But when it begins to fade, your
time is running out.  You must be out of this
realm by the time it withers, or you will remain
here forever.  Your spiritual forms can be hurt
while you are here, just as though they were
your bodies.  And so, should you or Mulder 'die'
on the pathway back, you have failed and must
remain here.  Good luck, and remember to trust
in your love."  She smiled at me, then turned
and vanished.  I stood there stupidly, holding
the flower in one hand, then shook myself and
tucked it into my coat pocket.  I opened the
office door and went in.

The office looked so familiar it gave me a
feeling of unreality.  Surely all this had been a
hallucination, or a dream.  None of this could
be real...

I entered and hung my coat on its usual hook,
then took the seat in front of Mulder's desk. 
Then I picked up a file and began reading
through it.  Yes, I remembered these cases,
hastily set aside because of my pregnancy
crisis.

I heard the door open behind me and a familiar
footstep.  I stood up and turned around as
Mulder walked into the room.

He looked...wonderful.  He was wearing his
black Armani suit with an ugly tie I didn't buy
him.  He smiled at me politely.  I just beamed at
him.  My Mulder was alive again.

"Hello.  Is there something I can do for you?" 
He waited in silence while I gaped at him.  He
was alive.  And more...something indefinable
had changed about him.  He wasn't driven,
angst-ridden as I had always known him.  He
seemed to be almost at peace.  The lines that
had begun to form on his face were smoothed
and he looked younger.

"Excuse me, but was there something you
wanted?" He eyed me curiously and hung his
coat up next to mine, eyeing my trenchcoat on
its hook.

"Mulder, I'm Scully!"  How could he not know
me?  I know that Hades said he wouldn't, but
we've been partners for 7 years and married for
another year...

"Scully?  Scully who?  Have we met?"  Mulder
came around and sat behind his desk, his eyes
narrowing with impatience.

"I'm Dana Scully, I'm...a pathologist with the
Bureau..." 

He stretched his hand out to shake mine. "Glad
to meet you. You must be new here, I don't
think I've seen you before."  I felt like crying. 
He really didn't recognize me.  The look he
gave me was admiring and friendly, though. 
Nice to know he likes me for more than my
mind.

"Mulder, I know that you work on the X files,
and that you have a reputation for
being...um..open to extreme possibilities.  I've
come to you today with some vital information
that you need to know, and what I am about to
tell you may strike you as a little strange."

He leaned forward, a lock of hair falling across
his forehead.  "Really?  And what would that
be?"

How on earth do I tell him this? "Mulder, what
would you say if I told you that what you believe
to be real, actually isn't and that the memories
you have of the past 7 years are false?"

He leaned back with a grin.  "Frohike put you
up to this, didn't he?  Where did he hire you? 
And how did you get into the building?  Is
Skinner in on this?"

"Mulder, I've never been more serious about
anything in my life.  Frohike isn't involved, and
I'm telling you the truth.  What you don't
remember is that I've been your partner for 7
years.  You call me 'Scully', not 'Dana'.  We
were married last December and I'm wearing
your grandmother's engagement ring to prove
it.  We have a newborn son called William." 
 
I pulled off the rings and handed them to
Mulder.  "You gave me your grandmother's ring
when you proposed to me.  And the wedding
ring you picked out as well.  You didn't get the
ones we agreed on, you liked the "X" motif on
this set so you bought them instead."  I grinned,
remembering.  "I was a bit put out, but they
grow on you."

He scrutinized the engagement ring.  "This
does look a lot like my grandmother's ring, and
it's an unusual piece of jewelry.  But it could be
a fake...."  He paused, deep in thought.

 I stopped to let him digest this.  If the roles
were reversed and Mulder had tried to
convince me of these things, I'd be on the
phone for security to escort my visitor out.  To
Mulder's credit, he merely looked interested.

Mulder handed the rings back.  "The last
partner I almost had was Jeffrey Spender, but I
talked Skinner out of assigning him to me.  And
the one before that was Alex Krycek, ace
consortium spy."  His eyes narrowed.  "How do
I know you aren't one of Alex's buddies, trying
to gain my trust?"

I leaned back in my chair, feeling on almost
familiar ground.  "Now Mulder, would the
consortium string together a set of facts this
inherently fantastic and unbelievable?  If they
were trying to gain your trust they could come
up with a more plausible lie."

He grinned.  "So you're saying that this story of
yours must be the truth because it sounds so
crazy.  That sounds like something I'd say."

I smiled.  "It's an argument you've made to me
a time or two."

"Okay, let's say... hypothetically...that what you
say is true.  Why don't I remember you?  And
why are you here now?" Mulder leaned back in
his chair and I could see his eyes scanning my
body.  Checking me out.  Mulder, you weren't
this blatant when we first met.  

Maybe not all the memories are gone; the body
has memories too.

"I'm here to save your life.  Mulder...." I
struggled to find a way to explain this.  "Mulder,
you died today, in the hospital from some virus
that the smoking man gave you.  We were
investigating a case involving a miraculous
medal."  I held it up.  "I got there too late to heal
you, but it took me here instead.  This is the
underworld, Mulder.  You're dead."

He just looked at me, his face immobile.  After
a moment he asked "Then why don't I feel
dead?"

I shook my head.  "I don't know how dead
feels.  I suppose you feel great because all the
troubles of the body are behind you."

He examined the medallion closely then
handed it back.  "That's a nice fairytale,
SCULLY, or whatever your name is.  So who
persuaded you to give old Spooky a thrill? 
Colton?  Evans?"

"Mulder, you have to believe me.  I'm your wife. 
We got married a year ago.  I love you; that's
why I came..."

Mulder got up from the desk and began moving
me toward the doorway. "That's very nice, but I
have to do my work now.  Please leave and tell
whoever it is that sent you that it didn't work." 
He chivvied me toward the door until, in
desperation I froze and faced him.

"Mulder, I don't want to live without you.  I don't
want our son to grow up without knowing you. 
I...love you so much...so much..please..." Tears
began to run down my cheeks and my voice
was trembling.  Mulder stopped and looked at
me more closely.  

I cupped his cheeks in both my hands and
pulled his face down and I kissed him.  The
kiss deepened as he bent in toward me and
began kissing back.  At last we stood, forehead
to forehead, his eyes closed and his lips slightly
parted.  He took a deep, shaky breath.

"Scully...."he whispered, then opened his eyes
with recognition in them.  "Scully, what....what
happened?  What's happening?  I was in a lab
and then I couldn't breathe and everything went
dark..."  He looked around him.  "Then I woke
up in my apartment and went to work, like
always.  Except I didn't remember you."  He
looked into my eyes and frowned. "How could I
forget you?"

I beamed at him.  "I don't know how.  Just don't
forget me again, okay?"

He still looked confused.  "And you really mean
it? I'm dead?  We're in the underworld?"

I nodded.  "Oh yes.  That medallion got me
here and I've persuaded Hades to release you,
with some conditions."  Quickly I explained
them.  "They told me that you would be unable
to talk to me on the trip back.  And I can't look
behind to make sure you're following, or you're
lost forever."

Mulder nodded.  "Okay.  We can do this.  So
how do we get out of here?"

I shrugged.  "Through the door?"  But before I
opened it, I grabbed his head and pulled him in
close.  "One for the road, " I grinned and
pressed my lips against his, first lightly and
then harder.  His lips parted and let me in and I
knew that he remembered me.  

After a short time we had to stop to breathe,
and just smiled at each other.  "You ready to
go?" I asked.

"You lead, I'll follow.  Wherever you go,"

I nodded and led him out the door.  I took the
stairs to the lobby level, just to be safe and
began heading for the main entrance, working
my way through the usual crowd of people.

Then I saw a familiar face moving towards me. 
Tall, dark hair, boobs.  God, I still feel
threatened by Diana Fowley.

"Fox!  How are you?"  She ignored me
completely and rushed over to greet Mulder,
somewhere behind me.

"Hey, Diana.  How ya doin'?" I could hear
Mulder's cordial tones, but I couldn't look back. 
I daren't look back.

"Mulder, you look great.  This place is really
agreeing with you.  Say, I've got a new bottle of
French wine at my place.  Would you like to
share it with me over dinner tonight?"  I heard a
smacking sound, like kissing noises.  She was
kissing him.  I felt my suddenly tiny hands
bunch into fists of outrage.  That bitch was
kissing my husband.

"He's married, Agent Fowley.  Don't forget
that."

"Oh, is he Dana?  Last I heard, death breaks all
marriage bonds.  He's single, now.  How 'bout
it, Fox?  You know how you love my chicken
cacciatore...and other things." More smoochy
sounds.  God, she must be cleaning his face
with her tongue.  The picture of what she must
be doing infuriated me.

Oh this was too much.  I longed to turn around
and slap her silly. I caught myself in time.

"I don't know about you two, but I'd like to go
home.  And I am.  Mulder, if you're still my
husband, follow me.  If you aren't...." Damn, my
voice was quivering again.  I didn't finish the
sentence but walked forward, straining my ears
for the sound of him behind me.

I heard Diana call from the distance.  "He's
staying here with me, Agent Scully!  You're
going back alone, because he's here---where
he wants to be."

I heard nothing.  No voice, no footsteps.  No
sound behind me.  Don't turn.  Don't check. 
Was he there?  Or was I fooling myself?

I let myself out the front door and found myself
back on the cindery path, except that there
were no meadows.  I walked across a barren
rocky field where nothing grew.  The light grew
dimmer until it seemed a perpetual twilight.

And the only sound I heard was the crunch of
my feet in the soil and the whistle of the quiet
wind.  No other footsteps but mine in the
stillness.

I kept walking, even though every cell in my
body wanted to stop and turn around, make
sure he was there behind me.  No.  Don't turn.  

Instead, I began to talk.

"Mulder, I know you can't answer me but that's
okay.  I mean, when do I ever get the chance to
make you listen to me without argument?  This
is great.  I think...."

I crunched forward into the twilight.  "Mulder, I
hope and trust that you chose to follow me, not
Diana.  I know you. You're loyal and would
never betray a friend; you've never betrayed
me by look, or word.  I guess that's the first
thing I ever learned about you...that you're true. 
When you told me that you were still looking for
Samantha, hadn't given up for all those years,
at first I felt pity for you.  Then I realized how
noble it was, and began to wish that somebody
loved me as much."

I paused, then went on.  "Then, when I
realized, really knew that you loved me that
way I was afraid.  When I had the cancer, and
you went out there determined to find my cure,
I knew how much you loved me.  I couldn't tell
you how much I loved you then, because I was
leaving you soon.  I knew that I would soon be
dead, and I couldn't leave you that way."

I paused and listened to the silence.  No
footsteps, no breaths beside my own.  God, let
him be there.  Let me not be talking only to
myself....

"Then after, I could never tell you.  I suppose I
hoped that you'd just take it as understood, the
way you understand the minds of criminals."  I
laughed a bit.  "Yeah, here I was, the champion
skeptic depending on you to be telepathic for
me.  And then you turned telepathic."

Silence. Crunch crunch went my shoes.  More
rocks.  Nothing.

"I was afraid, so afraid of losing you.  I knew
the pain you were in, and I knew that you were
close to death.  I wouldn't have blamed you for
seeking the peace of death; but it would have
left me so terribly bereft.  And I couldn't tell you. 
I still couldn't tell you."

No sound, just wind.  No shadows here, twilight
only.  Oh Mulder, are you there? Please?

"Then, the warehouse happened.  And I knew
that if you died it would be because I wasn't
there to guard your back.  And I'd never told
you how I felt.  But I knew that if I ever saw you
again, I still couldn't tell you, that you'd never
forgive me for abandoning you to that sadistic
killer......"  I walked quietly, remembering those
terrible days.  "And I knew this time that I not
only loved you, I hungered for you.  There was
nothing to be done about it, but my body was
aching for you.  And then I found you, alive but
so hurt....." 

Move the feet, Dana.  Don't look back....

"Being able to love you, and see you every day
is a never ending source of wonder for me.  I
found out how much you loved me too.  I still
kick myself that I let you worry for an entire day
before I accepted your marriage proposal.  But
you've got to admit, your first orgasmic
proposal was a bit hard to take seriously...." I
snorted.  "It is nice to know that I'm that good. 
You know, Mom repainted the room and had to
replaster the dry wall.  Did you notice that the
last time we visited her, she gave us the other
room?  The one that's down the hall and not
over her bedroom?  I still think she heard us."

The flat plain had given way to a valley filled
with sheer cliffs.  The path led along a narrow
and crumbling cliff edge.  I paused and listened
again.  Nothing.

"Okay Mulder, it looks like we take this way. 
Please be careful.  I don't want to leave you
behind."

I carefully stepped out onto the pathway and
began to walk.  I had gone maybe twenty yards
when I heard a cracking noise behind me.  I
looked to my right and watched the dust from a
landslide erupt from the cliff.  Part of the cliff
face I'd just walked had broken away and slid
into the ravine.

Mulder?

Title: Seeds (10 of 10)

DANA SCULLY'S JOURNAL

....continued......

I just stood there and watched the dust slowly
rise in the air.  I heard nothing....no sound, no
voice, no Mulder calling to me "Hey Scully, I'm
fine; let's blow this pop stand!"  Nothing.

I stood and fought with myself.  I had to turn
around, had to help him.......no...no don't turn
around.  Can't turn around.

I pulled my trenchcoat tighter around myself
and shivered.  Had he gone over the edge? 
Was he in pain somewhere, unable to tell me
because he couldn't talk to me by Hades' rule?

What should I do?  If I turned around, I doomed
him to death.  But how could I leave him there? 
If he was in pain, who knew how long he would
be trapped there like that...

I pulled the asphodel flower from my pocket
and found, to my dismay, brown lines forming
on the white petals.  It was dying.  The glow
was fading fast.  My time was short.

Keep walking?  Leave Mulder behind?  How
could I leave him behind?  Whenever I'm not
there he gets hurt. I *have* to be there, if not to
save him then to comfort him in his pain.  And I
left him before....I can't.  I can't leave him.  If he
went over that cliff....

If I  stay here we both die.  Mulder loses any
chance at life he might have.  I don't know that
Mulder went over that cliff.  I don't know that he
didn't.  What can I do?  

I squatted down and wrapped my arms around
my chest, tucking my head down into the
closest thing to fetal position I could. 
Mulder....what do I do?  How can I save you? 
The answer slowly came to me.

Believe that Mulder wasn't on that cliff face. 
He's still there, he has to still be there.  He'd
fight all the powers of heaven and earth to be
there; I know him.  Keep walking...

I took a breath and spoke,"Mulder, I'm going to
keep walking.  I have faith and believe that
you're still behind me.  Please...please be there
behind me."

I began walking forward again and soon left the
cliffs behind.

The landscape soon flattened out to white
sand, although the path remained dusty
cinders.  I felt like I'd been walking for hours,
although I didn't feel physical fatigue. 

I could see some hills approaching, dark as the
charcoal of my pathway.  At last we walked
through a ravine, close on both sides.  I say
"we" although I still heard no sound behind me.  

The ravine grew dimmer and dimmer as I
moved forward.  Then suddenly I had to stop. 
Facing me was a rock wall.  The path had led
me into a box canyon, closed by rock on all
three sides.

My journey was over.  There was no place to
go.

Turn back?  Then I doom Mulder.

Unfair!  This test was rigged from the start. 
Hades never intended to let either of us go,
damn him!  I wanted to cry with rage.

"Mulder--he's led us to a dead end." I snorted.
"Funny, huh?  It looks like I may be joining you
in your apartment down here soon unless I can
think of something.  I would be grateful for your
input." I listened to the silence for a bit, then
pulled the flower from my coat.  Not good.  The
glow was all but gone and the flower itself had
brown streaks running through the petals,
which were beginning to shrivel a bit.

"Why impose a test that cannot be passed?" I
mused aloud for Mulder's benefit and my own. 
I pressed my hand against the wall.  Solid rock. 
Solid matter, except nothing here was matter
really.  My body and Mulder's were elsewhere. 
Yet this rock face was real and solid.

Just like a gunshot wound in a haunted house
one Christmas.  Charon said that faith was
important and Mulder has always lived by it as I
put my faith in objective facts.  But here I'm in
the realm of subjective, aren't I Mulder?

"Mulder, I don't think that wall can be real. It's
an illusion put up to turn us back.  I refuse to
believe that it's real.  There's nothing here at
all, just air.  Nothing here....Follow me, Mulder."  

I closed my eyes and walked forward, doing my
best to believe that nothing but air awaited me. 
I felt an elastic resistance, then a release as
though a bubble had popped.  

I opened my eyes to the brightest sky I'd seen
since we left the Hades version of the Hoover
Building.  We were surrounded by meadowland
with a few of the white flowers growing there.

The asphodels here looked much healthier
than the one I carried.  Walk faster, Dana.

I began to jog.

"It's okay if you outpace me, Mulder.  You
always were the faster runner."  I waited and
nothing happened.

As I jogged along, I began to see dark shapes
flitting through the meadow grasses, first only
one or two and then one more.  Wolves.

I eyed them warily and began to look for a
weapon.  We'd left the stones behind and there
were no trees to drop nice heavy branches to
use for clubs.  I had only a gun that wouldn't
fire.  I drew it and tried again.  No.  Still out of
commission.

Suddenly the biggest one sprang at me, its
teeth snapping at my throat.  I went down and
began to struggle with it.  Soon a second
began attacking me, then a third.  

I felt the teeth of two wolves sink into my ankle
and shin, as the first wolf began savaging my
right hand.  I screamed and struggled harder. 
As the first wolf drew blood, it began to howl in
glee and they all redoubled the attack.  They
knew that I was a living creature and they
wanted that life for themselves.

I fought back desperately, but I knew I had no
chance.  Then I heard the sound of fists
against flesh and first one wolf, then a second
was ripped away from me and tossed onto the
ground.  Then I watched as Mulder threw the 
last wolf, the one at my throat, into the meadow
grasses.  It ran away, yelping and whining, with
its companions.

I felt warm hands caressing my cheeks as
Mulder anxiously searched me for wounds. 
"Scully are you okay?" He found my hand and
pulled out his handkerchief to bind it, then
noticed my calf and winced.

"Mulder, I'll be okay.  Just help me take a look
at this wound."  Mulder bent to rip my pants leg,
then stopped and grinned.  "Hey Scully, you
heard me!  I've been talking to you all day but I
figured that you couldn't hear me.  Either that
or you were ignoring me."

I grinned back.  "I'd never ignore you, Mulder,
and I can only imagine what you were saying
when you knew I couldn't hear you.  How much
of it was printable?"

"Not much.  The libido survives after death, you
know, and that was an almighty long
pregnancy...Jesus..." Mulder had bared my leg
and was pulling the wreckage of my slacks
away from the hamburger that remained.  My
achilles tendon had been severed and I could
see the bone, so much flesh had been taken
from my shin. When I saw the wound, the pain
hit me suddenly and I felt woozy.  I came to
with my head in Mulder's lap and his jacket
draped over me.  I could see the tears in his
eyes.

"Scully, wake up.  Please Scully, your time is
almost up.  Please,"  he was murmuring softly. 
I opened my eyes and followed his glance to
the flower which lay brown and nearly shriveled
by my hand.  Only a little bit of white remained.

"Mulder, I can't make it.  There's too far to
go...The muscles are severed, and I can't
walk..."

"Then let me help you.  I can carry you."

I touched Mulder's cheek with my hand.  "Love,
it's over.  I've lost, but you haven't yet.  Go
ahead and follow the path. It'll take you home."

Mulder shook his head.  "Home is where you
are.  You stay, I stay."

"Mulder, you have a living and healthy son up
there.  He's in the hospital nursery and looks
just like you.  He needs at least one parent. 
Otherwise, his grandfather will steal him back
and...and he'll end up like Emily.  You have to
leave me here."

"Scully, you've seen me and spoken with me
now, against Hades' rules.  Do you think he'll
let me go now?"

"He has to.  You're the reason I'm here,
dammit."  I struggled to sit up.  "Mulder....go! 
Please."

Mulder just stubborned his mouth and began
wrapping my ankle and shin with pieces of his
shirt.  When he was done, still wordless, he
lifted me up until I was standing on my good
leg.

"Scully, we go together.  Believe."

I gave up; at a certain point arguing with Mulder
is pointless.  

During that long, painful hike I had to ask
Mulder to carry me a few times.  He always did
it, graciously and happily, knowing how much it
hurt me to ask. But it felt good, leaning on
Mulder and being carried by him.  I fought
against shock.  I'd lost a lot of blood with the
wolf attack and was still losing it.  Twice more
Mulder had to fight off wolf attacks.  They never
attacked him, just me.  They wanted the living
one.

We limped along until we came to the banks of
a broad river.  Charon sat there, next to his
boat.

"Well hello, there young lady.  And who's that
with you?"

By this time Mulder was carrying me.  I woozily
introduced them.  "Charon, this is my husband
Mulder."  They shook hands and Mulder
noticed the t-shirt.

"So, did you ferry Jerry Garcia over?" He
inquired, only half-seriously.

"Yeah, and was that the trip of a lifetime!  I
even got him to sign my shirt. See?"  Charon
turned and showed us a sprawling autograph
on his back. "I didn't even charge him a toll."

Toll. "What does it cost for a trip back?" I
snuggled  against Mulder and fingered my
wedding ring.  They would be the next to go, I
supposed.

"No charge.  This direction has so little traffic I
never charge.  Figure anybody that *he*
decides to set free deserves it.  Hop in."

We didn't exactly hop.  Mulder picked me up
and deposited me gently in the boat.  I was in
and out of consciousness, although I was
vaguely away of Mulder throwing up over the
side once or twice.  Some things never change.

On the other shore, Mulder picked me up and
held me in his arms.  I could hear Charon's
voice rumble, "Good luck on the journey back. 
Hope I don't see you again for a few years yet." 

I heard Mulder's reply and felt him shake
Charon's hand. "Yeah, me too.  Give my best
to the King and Jerry Garcia, wouldja?"

"You know it!"

With that, Mulder began walking up the path. 
This time I could hear the crunch of his feet,
through the haze of my pain.  We were going
home.

Then suddenly Mulder stopped.  I opened my
eyes and saw Hades, standing there in the
middle of the path.

"Stop.  You go no farther."

"Mulder, put me down..." I whispered, and he
set me on my good leg.  I swayed but remained
upright, Mulder supporting me.

"I've done as you asked. I brought him up the
path and I never looked back."  I glared at
Hades, who looked calmly back at me.

"Another complication has arisen.  You may
leave, but he may not."

"Why?" I shouted.  "We answered all your
conditions!  We did what you told us.  You're
breaking your word."

Hades held out his closed hand and opened it,
palm up.  In it were the husks of perhaps 20
sunflower seeds.

"I'm afraid not.  We have a rule here; those
who eat the food of the dead must remain
here."

I turned to my partner.  "Mulder?"

Mulder's eyes grew deep and still.  "Yeah,
Scully.  I was eating seeds just before you
arrived.  There was a bag in my desk I thought
I'd forgotten about.  I guess I know who put it
there."

I turned a look of scorn back at Hades.  "That's
an old trick of yours and ill becomes you,
Hades.  You trapped your wife here by
convincing her to eat the seeds of the
pomegranate, and now she's forced to spend
one month here for each seed she ate.  You
never let go of the things you get, do you? 
Grasping, stingy and cruel..."

Hades said nothing, just turned over his palm
and let the husks drift in the sterile wind of Hell.

"Scully, you have to go back.  Your time is
almost up."  Mulder's voice was calm, as ever,
but I could see his 'panic face'.

"No.  Mulder I won't leave you here. I'm staying
with you."  I turned to him and gently ran my
fingers against his lips.

He shook his head and gave me a sad smile. 
"Scully, you said it yourself.  We have a son to
protect.  Go and live a long and happy life. 
Marry again.  I'll be here, waiting for you.  At
least, this time we get to say good-bye."

He drew me into a long embrace and I sank
into him, trying to burrow into his soul.

"It's time.  If you are going to return, you must
leave now."  I heard the rumble of Hades' voice
and reluctantly withdrew from Mulder's arms,
thinking hard.

But before I pulled away from him, I reached
my hand into his pocket and found what I
expected: sunflower seeds.  As I turned
around, I grabbed some, stuffed them into my
mouth, chewed and swallowed.

The look on Hades face was priceless.

"I'm staying with my husband.  Or I'm leaving
with him."

"Dammit Scully, why did you do that?"  Mulder
whirled me around to face him.  "Scully, do you
know what you just did?"

"Yes.  I called his bluff.  I don't believe that a
handful of sunflower seeds or pomegranate
seeds or any other kind of food has the power
to keep us here.  It isn't my time, and it isn't
yours either Mulder.  Kory stayed here because
she loved him enough to defy her mother to do
it, not because of anything she ate.  Stand
aside, Hades.  We're leaving."

Just then I suddenly realized.  I was standing,
alone and unassisted.  No pain, no wounds.

Hades stood there smiling.  "I hoped you'd
understand; Kory thought you would.  Go back
to the sunlit lands and live well there.  I will see
you again, many many years from now." 
Hades paused, then rubbed his nose
thoughtfully.  "I'd also like to know what it is
that you fed my dog.  He's been in an
uncommonly good mood since you arrived..."

I just gaped.  Mulder grinned and gave my
hand a tug, then we both began jogging up the
path.  Soon we were running through the trees
and the path was lit by little white flowers.

Then the world darkened and turned sideways. 
I awoke to a crushing feeling in my chest and a
voice in the  background...

"I've got a rhythm.."

I took a gasping breath and realized that there
was an oxygen mask over my nose.  I opened
my eyes to see my mother and a frightened
looking Skinner standing behind a crowd of
medical personnel.

A doctor peered down at me.  "Dana, have you
taken any drugs or medications of any kind?"

"No.." I whispered back from a dry throat, then
remembered. "Mulder, where's Mulder?"  I
struggled to sit up, fighting against all the
hands that wanted me to lie back down.

"Dana, he's dead...Mulder's dead, remember?"
Mom was on the edge of tears.

"No he isn't.  He's alive.  Where is he?"

I got up, forcibly detaching IVs and lead wires
and stumbled over to Mulder's room.  It was
empty.

My voice was a wail, now.  "Where is he? 
Where have you taken him?"

"Dana, honey, they took the body to the
morgue..." Mom held out her hand to me.  I just
looked at her.  After all this, Hades promised. 
Mulder couldn't still be dead, he couldn't.

"No. No, he can't be dead.  Take me to him.  I
have to get to him...please." Mom looked at the
doctor, who stared just as helplessly back. 
Finally he nodded.  

"Okay, take her to the morgue."

Mom and Skinner walked me downstairs to the
basement morgue.  Mom and Skinner both
tried to convince me that I was irrational, that
Mulder was irretrievably dead.  I said nothing. 
What was there to say?  Either everything I had
experienced truly had occurred and Mulder was
alive, or I grief had driven me mad.

We got to the morgue, where a bored attendant
took us into the back and to the drawer where
Mulder's body lay.  I had more than half
expected to hear a commotion, Mulder
pounding to be let out...but all was silent.

Skinner and Mom both eyed me closely as I
slowly pulled open the drawer.  

I could see his face, pale and calm, almost
waxen.  His eyes were closed, lashes brushing
against his cheeks.  So still.  No breathing. 
Dead.

The tears came, then.  Hades lied.  He hadn't
released Mulder.  He lied.  

I grabbed the side of the drawer and bowed my
head in grief.  

"Wait for me, love.  I'll be along; just wait for
me," I murmured to him, then gently pressed
my lips to his.  And felt them move under mine.

His cold skin began to warm, then I heard him
gasp in a massive gulp of air and release it.  As
I drew back, his eyes opened and found mine.

"Hey.." he rasped. "Am I late?"

Skinner and Mom were floored.  The morgue
attendants scurried.  I just grinned and wouldn't
let go of Mulder's hand as they removed him
from the drawer and loaded him onto a gurney
for a thorough battery of medical tests.

Of course, much the same thing happened to
me.  

It seems that the instant I joined Mulder in the
underworld, my heart stopped.  Mom heard the
'thud' as my body collapsed over Mulder's. 
She and Skinner found my, dead, lying across
my husband's body.

They called the medical staff and began
attempts to resuscitate me.  What felt like an
entire day to me was, in reality, not more than a
few minutes.

The doctors had to admit, finally, that both
Mulder and I were healthy enough to be
released from the hospital.  They never
explained my clinical death, nor Mulder's
revival.  That doesn't matter.  They wouldn't
believe our explanation, even if we offered it.

The medallion of Orpheus has disappeared
again.  It wasn't on me, nor was it found in the
hospital room.  I can guess who has it, and
have no intention of trying to retrieve it for the
museum.  It does more good in Kory's hands.

And my cross?  I wear it now.  When they
found me, the cross was missing.  But it turned
up later, around Mulder's neck.  

It is appropriate that my faith should be found
where my love is.

I write this now in the evening.  Both Mulder
and I are on parental leave.  I'm in my
housecoat and just checked on Mulder and the
baby.

When I peeked into our jonquil-colored nursery,
I found father and son, asleep in the rocker. 
William is snuggled up against Mulder's
shoulder, and Mulder's face has a look of
peace on it that I rarely see.  I just smiled and
quietly closed the door.  Then I went to my
computer to finish this entry.

I have learned much about faith and love, and
perhaps the most about gratitude for the little
things life has brought me.  

Life is good.