Title: Seeds (1/?) Author: Xenith Disclaimer: The X-files belong to Chris Carter and 1013 Productions, not me. I'm only borrowing the characters for now. I'll put them back when I'm done. Rating: PG Category: SA Keywords: MSR, Scullytorture, Muldertorture, Scullyangst, Mulderangst Spoilers: Thru 7th season Archive: Sure! Spooky's yes! Feedback: Love it! Love it! E-Mail address: xenitha@yahoo.com Discussion List: Yes!!! Yes!!! Summary: A married Mulder and Scully expect a child through IVF but all does not go well....get out your hankies.... Author's Note: This takes place in the Abattoir universe, following Wedding From Hell and Honeymoon. To read the other Abattoir Stories, the website is at : http://members.xoom.com/Xenith0/abattoir.html To read Honeymoon by TBishop, go to http://tbishop.freeservers.com Author's Thanks: Many and generous thanks to Dr. David, my medical consultant for the gritty details and thank you to TBishop for loaning him to the cause. And thanks to Spygirl and Wylfcynne for the encouragement and inspiration, and to Paige Caldwell for begging me not to kill Mulder. Dana Scully's journal June 1, 2000 I have spent the morning, sitting at my desk, listening to the tap-tap of Mulder's pencil. He's been doing that for the past ten minutes. I could take that, except the symphony is joined by the crunch-scrinch of sunflower seeds being cracked then the 'thwip' of the shells landing somewhere in the vicinity of the wastebasket. Tap-tap-tap, crunch-scrinch-thwip, tap-tap-tap.... I am on edge. I am very on edge. If he taps that damned pencil again, I will personally strangle him with that incredibly ugly tie he insisted on wearing this morning....no...no, I am calm. Calm. Peaceful thoughts of motherhood, babies, chicks, kittens, puppies...think maternal, Dana. Today's the day. I had my progesterone shot. We make a third try at IVF. That is to say, a third try at implanting fertilized ova into my body. The last two were failures, and I was first glowing with hope, then crushed to despair when the attempts failed. Mulder keeps trying to reassure me, that we're really going to do it, it's going to work. He believes. He always has believed. I find it harder, because I know the statistics: only about 1/3 of IVF attempts result in pregnancy. So I grit my teeth and try to believe in Mulder's belief. Mulder, bless him, handled his part of the process with aplomb, making his 'donation' with a minimum of innuendo. I think he knew just how on-edge I was feeling about all this. And it's so hard to surrender control to strangers, who manipulate my cells and Mulder's as well. The eggs themselves, an unexpected wedding gift from C.G.B. Spender, are viable and were readily fertilized with Mulder's sperm. But the tricky part is implanting them in the mother's womb. I trust Dr. Hansen implicitly. We chose her ourselves, researching her background carefully and asked the Gunmen to do the same. She's clean, not one of Spender's flunkies. Oh, the man who calls himself Mulder's 'father' offered the services of his best fertility experts, saying blithely that he wanted to become a grandfather. We bluntly turned him down. Both Mulder and I have been experimented on against our will, and neither would ever voluntarily choose to allow it again. The initial fertilization resulted in 9 embryos. We used three the first try and three the second. I'm willing to risk triplets and months of bedrest for this. Three remain, frozen. And so we have children, they're just frozen, and may never see the sunlight. I can't just think of them as embryos, the product of conception. I know a hundred euphemisms, but my heart knows the truth. They're my children, the only ones I'll ever have and the loss of a single one hurts to the core. Mulder is taking everything well. He's been a rock, cheerfully going with me to the doctor's visits. He even sat through the orientation lecture and video with me. It was a Disneyesque film about conception with little sperms swimming upstream to fertilize an egg. Mulder kept me on the edge of laughter the whole time improvising dialog between two racing sperm and an egg who had a headache tonight. The tapping has stopped. I looked up at the sudden quiet to find Mulder watching me anxiously. He smiled at me as we made eye contact. "Well, Scully, you ready?" Mulder stood up and walked toward my desk, his hand out. I grabbed it and he pulled me close in a bear hug. "No." My voice was muffled in his jacket. "I don't know how much more of this I can take, Mulder. To hope so much, then nothing." I felt his arms close around me more tightly as he rocked me back and forth. "Shhhh, we'll do it Scully. We've got a great team with dynamite genes. We'll manage; remember the power of positive thinking." I looked up at him and felt his two hands warmly cradling the sides of my face. "And Scully, you will make such a phenomenal mother." He leaned down and kissed me, long and tenderly. I sighed and snuggled against him, safe from the world for the time being. Reality intrudes too soon. "We better go." I pulled back and went for my overcoat. "Yeah," he replied. "Scully," he said as he held the door open for me. "I love you no matter what happens." I grinned. "I know." June 3, 2000 I have spent the last three days as close to being on my back as possible. I hate this. Mulder's at the office chasing aliens or God only knows what, while I'm home with the laptop and a collection of computer games donated by the Gunmen. But the doctor was firm; this time around I need to rest and give the embryos a chance to implant. They injected three embryos (at eight cells) into my uterus, then I went home to be inactive and meditate on pregnancy. What if I have triplets? Multiple births do happen with IVF. I'll look like a cow. I'm so short, I'll waddle around and Mulder will laugh at me. No, he won't, but he'll smile. Three children, all Mulder's. An embarrassment of riches, until they can walk and talk. And then....three of Mulder's children, simultaneously? Oh...my. No, think single child. Just one, God, I only want one at a time. Mulder calls to check on me. He doesn't know that I worry about him when I'm not there. I should be there, but I can't. We've been married six months and I still can't believe it. When I see my wedding and engagement rings I still feel startled, as though I've stolen somebody else's jewelry. But we are married, and in a new apartment: neither his nor mine. Ours. Alas, the wedding gifts have all been unwrapped and displayed around. Some people were kind and gave us linens, housewares...and then there were Mulder's friends. First, I didn't know he had so many female friends. I should have expected it, I suppose. But, what on Earth possessed that old Quantico friend of Mulder's to give us a huge portrait of Marvin the Martian, I'll never know. Mulder swears that Mary Ann is *not* an old girlfriend, but she must know him pretty well to give a gift like that. Mulder says I'm edgy and jealous. The end result was that it now hangs proudly in our living room and I let him put it there. In return, Mulder puts the toilet seat down when finished in the john. I suppose it's a fair exchange. And I'm *not* going to talk about the illustrated Kama Sutra that another of his friends gave us. I hid that one away before Mom could see it and comment. She never said anything, but I still think she heard us having sex in that brass bed the night Mulder proposed to me. At present I am lying on Mulder's leather couch staring up at Marvin, who gazes balefully back at me. I must truly love this man to allow him to hang this on my...our... wall. I want to go back to work and chase aliens. June 17, 2000 We got two new cases today; the first is a conventional missing person in my opinion. James Falk walked outside his home three evenings ago and disappeared. He left his car behind, took no cash from his bank accounts, was happy at his job and with his marriage. Mulder fixated on the case because Falk's neighbor claims that he saw Falk just "flicker out", I think was the way he put it. Mulder is thinking trans-dimensional gateways. I am thinking of the street light next to Falk's house that needs to be changed. The other case is more unusual, an old art theft brought to us because of the 'magical' quality of the object. I haven't read the file thoroughly, but Mulder's been humming contentedly all morning. Later: I just got a call from the lab. This is it, I'm pregnant! It was all I could do not to squeal out loud with joy. When the home pregnancy test was positive, I promptly went to the doctor for confirmation. I didn't want to raise Mulder's hopes until I was certain. Now I just want to hug the secret to myself for a while longer. And I don't want to tell Mulder here, where the office is almost certainly bugged by our child's 'grandfather'. I am certain that the old son of a bitch knows that I'm pregnant; probably knew before I did. But he has no right to intrude on Mulders' and my time alone with it. I'll tell him tonight, at dinner. "Hey, G-Man. I'm hankering for some Italian food tonight. What do you say to some pasta? I'm buying." I batted my eyelashes at Mulder and watched as his face creases in a grin. For six years I've wanted to bat my eyelashes at this man, but was too 'professional' to do it. Now I take every opportunity. "Why of course, if you're paying. Where shall we go? Tony's?" Mulder set the files down on the desk and checked his watch. 6:30 p.m. and time to go home. "If you promise to go easy on the garlic bread. The last time you ate it, kissing you was like licking a pizza plate." Mulder grinned at me. "And that's a bad thing? Okay, okay, I'll stick with the bread sticks. Shall we go?" Tony's We got our usual table. Tony's became our place during our six month 'courtship' which we spent dating, and allowed no hanky-panky. Tony caught on early to the simmering romance between us--okay, simmering lust, at least on my part--and adopted us. When we dine here the bread is always fresh and I could swear it isn't the house wine he serves us, although that's what we order. Tony was miffed that he didn't cater our wedding, but when I told him about the waiters who turned out to be terrorists, he knew we were remorseful and forgave us. "Okay Scully, I'm having the Fettuccine Alfredo and you?" Mulder handed the waiter his menu. "Chicken parmesan and a green salad..." I put my menu down and wondered dimly if I'll get morning sickness at some point. I hope not. "And two glasses of the house wine....?" I shook my head 'no' and Mulder looked at me oddly. I always have the wine. "No wine for me," I smiled. "I'm eating for two now." Mulder was dumbfounded, then broke into a huge grin. He practically climbed over the table to embrace and kiss me. I returned the kiss with interest. "When did you find out?" He asked, holding me at arms-length, studying me intently. "I got the call from Dr. Hansen this afternoon. I didn't want to tell you at the office, don't want somebody we both know to overhear." Mulder nodded slowly and returned to his seat. We just sat and grinned at each other until the waiter brought our meals. I don't know what we talked about, or how the food tasted, but I do know that I've never felt happier. At the meal's end, the waiter returned with two bowls of spumoni. "Compliments of the house," he announced as he set down the plates. "Tony and the staff want to congratulate you two. And the dinner is on us!" Mulder and I stopped trying to protest and accepted the gift graciously. As we finished the meal, I contemplated the telephone call to Mom, telling her that she'll soon have another grandchild. Children? "Um, Mulder, you know that there is a chance of multiple births in our situation..." I felt suddenly uncomfortable, what if there were more than one baby? Mulder smiled blithely. "Not a problem. I hear you get discounts if you buy in bulk--we could do baby-clothes in multiples." I looked down at my (currently) flat abdomen, trying to imagine being that pregnant. Nope, I can't feature it. I looked up and found Mulder grinning at me fatuously. "What?" I asked suspiciously. "Oh, just wondering what your brother Bill will say when he finds out he's going to be an uncle." Title: Seeds (2 of ?) July 20, 2000 I'm having a sonogram today to determine whether I am carrying multiple embryos. My hormone levels so far are not indicative of triplets but I could still be carrying twins or a single child. Mulder is of the mind that more is better, but all I can think about is having three screaming toddlers down with ear infections simultaneously. Later-- Well, we have one baby. I am relieved, and truthfully a bit disappointed. I had been envisioning three pint-sized Mulders for so long that I found myself wondering what happened to the other two embryos. I've discussed this pregnancy with Father McCue. He reiterated the Church's opposition to IVF, since inevitably eggs are fertilized and lost. But he also knows how incredibly cherished this child will be--and is right now, at this moment. I don't feel that I am committing a sin in having this child. My only goal is to create a life, borne from Mulder and me. How can that be wrong? The baby looks healthy so far. Too soon to determine the sex. I don't know if I want to know in advance. Mulder and I have already begun arguing about names. He flatly refuses to call a boy baby Fox, and I can't argue with that. We both think that William would be a good choice for a boy. He'd be named for both his grandfathers (even if my brother Bill does get puffed up with pride at naming our son for him). And William is Mulder's middle name as well. For a girl--well, not Samantha or Melissa; too much pain involved with those names. We're still considering the possibilities there. August 20, 2000 I've been fighting nausea for the past week. Dr. Hansen just smiles and tells me to eat dry crackers. That wouldn't be a problem, except that it's starting to affect my work. Mulder had to retrieve me from the ladies' room after I left a meeting with Skinner abruptly (at a dead run). When I opened the restroom door (having lost my breakfast, such as it was), my husband was standing there, a mix of worry and amusement on his face. "I think it's time to tell Skinner," he commented as he held the door for me. I gulped and nodded. "I don't want to be taken off active duty until I positively can't do the job any more." Mulder gave me a look, so I went on defiantly. "Mulder, we've been through this. I know that being a field agent is dangerous, but I want to work while I still can. I can't just stay behind in the office and send you out there by yourself....I...have to be there." "Scully, " Mulder said softly. "I know how you feel, but you've *always* been there for me. And I want you to be safe. Both of you. I don't want to endanger you in any way." I felt a rush of tears and ruthlessly forced them back. Damn hormones. "I keep working until pregnancy slows me down," I said firmly. Mulder reluctantly nodded. "We need to discuss this with Skinner," he said. I nodded. "I guess so." We returned to Skinner's office. "Are you all right, Agent Scully?" he asked searchingly. He's seen too much illness in my life. I smiled at Mulder, then at Skinner and sat down in my chair. "Nothing that nine months won't cure." Skinner's face grew still, then he grinned with delight. "This is wonderful! Congratulations to both of you! When are you due?" "Late February of next year." I smiled and grabbed Mulder's hand. "We were going to talk to you about it, but matters got away from us." "Yeah, she's had morning sickness all week," Mulder commented drily. "I'm no longer allowed to eat broccoli, cabbage or stinky cheeses if I want my wife to kiss me." Broccoli. The very thought made my stomach churn. Mulder must have seen the expression on my face (or its greenish color), because he added swiftly, "But Scully plans to remain on active duty as long as physically possible." Skinner's eyebrows rose at that. "As a field agent? Given the types of cases you two handle, that could be risky for you both. Agent Scully, I assume that you plan to leave the field at some point to finish your pregnancy?" "I plan to stay active for as long as I can still run after Mulder. If I become a liability to him I'll be the first to volunteer for desk duty. But sir, please, I want to stay in the field for as long as I can." Skinner just shook his head. "Agent Mulder, do you agree with this?" Mulder looked uncomfortable. I glared at him and he caved. "Uh, I agree with Scully. She'll be fine, sir. And when she can't keep up physically, she can stay at the office." Mulder grinned. "Besides, she likes filling out expense reports anyway." Now it's become almost a joke between us; we keep a plastic sack in the car in case I have nausea while driving to a case. Mulder calls it my "bureau barf-bag". I haven't had to use it yet, but there have been some close calls. Fortunately for the upholstery of the latest Bureau rental, Mulder has gotten adept at finding gas stations with ladies' rooms. Mom has already got me out looking at pregnancy clothing. I don't need it yet, but I will soon. My tailored wardrobe is a little too tailored to hide the thickening waistline for very long. [TRANSCRIPT OF INTERVIEW] Date of interview: August 23, 2000 Date of transcription: August 30, 2000 Interviewee: Marta Almedingen Investigating Agents: Dana Scully, Fox Mulder Case Number: X-451666 Agent Mulder: Good morning Ms. Almedingen. My name is Fox Mulder and this is my partner Dana Scully. We'd like to thank you for making yourself available to be interviewed. You understand that this meeting is being recorded? Almedingen: Yes. I do. Mulder: And you consent to the taping? Almedingen: Yeah. She said you would tape me. Mulder: She...who said you'd be taped? Almedingen: HER. The healer. She said to talk to you and that you'd ask me lots of questions, but to tell you ever'thing. (laughs) She didn't say you'd be so good lookin'. Hey, lady, no offense but your partner's a pretty handsome man. I may be old but I ain't dead, y'know? Agent Scully: No offense taken, Ms. Almedingen. Now can you tell me this healer's name? Almedingen: She's Greek, I guess. She has a funny accent. Her name is Kora, Kora Basileus. You want me to spell that? Scully: No, we'll get the spelling later. How did you first meet her? Almedingen: Oh, she found me at the hospice. I was dying of breast cancer; I was first diagnosed oh, ten years ago. Had chemo and a breast removed, then it came back and they took the other one. I was in remission for a while, then it came back, into my bones this time. I knew I was gonna die, had maybe three months left. Then one day this crazy lady appeared, with frizzy brown hair, brown eyes and said she was there to heal me. She said I wasn't done yet, it wasn't my time. Scully: What happened then? Almedingen: It was the darnedest thing. She had this coin hanging around her neck, looked real old, kinda green and corroded looking, y'know? Anyway, she pressed it against my forehead and concentrated real hard and suddenly I wasn't tired anymore. And I didn't feel sick. She opened her eyes and smiled at me, then she told me I was cured. And then she told me that when the FBI agents called me I was to tell them everything that happened to me. Mulder: She knew we were going to talk to you? Almedingen: Oh yeah, she knew about you. She said the man would be named "Fox" and the woman would be pregnant. Oh now, deary, you don't have to blush so hard, but you are showing a bit. Scully: Um...just when was it that she heal...uh...you met with her? Mulder: C'mon, Scully, spit it out....Ms. Almedingen, just when was it that this woman *healed* you? Almedingen: Oh, that was May 31, 2000. I'll never forget that day! Scully: And what have your doctors said? Did they perform any tests on you? Almedingen: I'll say they did. And it's all gone, all the cancer just vanished. I can see that you've got my medical file there, that proves it. Mulder: See, Scully? Just like I told you. And the doctor's note for May 31 repeats Ms. Almedingen's account, including her assertion that the second FBI agent would be pregnant. Surely that's proof of clairvoyance and precognition on the healer's part? And you certainly weren't pregnant on that date. Scully: Well, it's proof of something, maybe some kind of scam if she knew about my doctor's appointment. Our lives aren't exactly a secret you know. Mulder: Scully...... Scully: Ms. Almedingen, can you tell me Ms. Basileus' approximate age? Height and weight? Dress? Almedingen: Sure. She was about 5' 6" tall, thin with a wiry build, wearing a loose cotton dress and flat shoes, I think. Kinda frumpy. Her age? That's hard to say. At first she didn't look to be more than 15, but later she seemed closer to her forties....I can't really say. No wrinkles, no gray in her hair....I don't know. Mulder: Can you describe the coin she had? Did it have any engraving? What metal was it? Almedingen: Oh yeah, it had a circle with a cross in it on both sides. It was round with kinda uneven edges, like it was hand made or something. It wasn't gold, because it looked corroded, maybe bronze? I've seen statues corroded like that. She wore it on a chain around her neck. Mulder: Here are some photos of various coins. Do you see the one she had among these pictures? I've numbered them 1 through 10. Almedingen: Oh yeah, that's it. Number 6. Scully: Do you know her address? Or where she's staying? Almedingen: Hell, I don't even know where she came from! No, no address. When I asked her how she knew about me, she just said she went to the people who needed her, when they needed her. Mulder: Scully, do you have any more questions? No? Me neither. Thank you for your help Ms. Almedingen. I'll turn the tape off now and get your address so that we can contact you further if we need you. (End transcript) Dana Scully's Journal August 23, 2000 Of course, after we interviewed Marta Almedingen, Mulder had to talk about it. He was very excited. "Scully, we have objective proof of precognition and clairvoyance here!" There he was, going off half-cocked again. And I was feeling queasy--lunch wasn't sitting well. I got up and moved a little closer to the office door. My clothes have been feeling tight lately, too. "Mulder, we have no such thing. These records could have been faked, or this woman could have known about my appointment for IVF and ..." I picked up the medical file and half the papers slid out, onto the floor. As I squatted to pick them up, Mulder knelt down to help me. He grabbed a sheaf, then helped me to my feet, talking animatedly. "And guessed that this time, the third try, would be successful? And that we'd track Ms. Almedingen down through that tabloid article I found? Come *on* Scully, this is it. This woman is for real! You've read her med records, you admitted you couldn't find any flaws in her treatment or in the records." "Mulder, that doesn't mean that they aren't just clever forgeries..." I was really feeling queasy now. "To what end? Why fool us? If this woman really has the Medallion of Orpheus she won't want to give it up. Not only is it worth thousands of dollars, but it's reputed to have so much healing power it can return life to the dead!" "Mulder, that is an old legend with about as much value as those old legends ever have. So what if the stories say that Orpheus carried the medallion into Hades to reclaim his dead wife. It's an old myth! There never was an Orpheus and the Greek gods never existed. They're just stories." I was *really* feeling nauseated now. "Come on, old legends have been proven to have a kernel of truth. Look at Hans Schliemann, the man who found the ruins of Troy based on descriptions in Homer...uh...Scully are you all right? You look kinda green..." Mulder was looking at me strangely as I stood there gulping. He was still staring as I took off for the women's restroom at a run. September 3, 2000 I'll simply have to stop wearing clothing during this pregnancy. I've just come back from a shopping trip at the mall with Mom, and I cannot believe the sheer number of Peter Pan collars I have seen. Oh, there are a few stylish outfits for pregnant women, but none are in my size. The clothing in my size has lace, ruffles and calico prints. All I need are knee socks and little buckle shoes and I'll look like a big, tough G-Woman all right....all the way to attend kindergarten. Damn it! I'm having a baby, not becoming one! And I will not live in stretch pants with an oversized t-shirt that says "bun in the oven" or some other cutesy phrase. Mom is patient, I'll grant her that. This nausea is still bothering me; we toured the ladies rooms at Nordstrom's, Macy's and half a dozen other stores whose names I can't recall. My feet hurt. I think they're getting flatter and broader. And forget wearing heels. My Italian shoes just hurt too much. That's it...Mulder's t-shirts, Bermuda shorts and Keds. And my badge and gun. After listening to me rant and bitch, Mom finally took a deep breath and suggested that if this upset me so much I should go back to the seamstress who made my wedding dress and have her make a couple of suits for me. It isn't hard to find solid t-shirts to fit even a pregnant me. I can wear those with the suits along with my new flat and sensible shoes. Maybe I'm superstitious, but I remember what happened to my wedding dress. This is silly. She's an excellent dress-maker, very inexpensive and she's fast. I'll have her make some navy and black suits for me, then at least I'll have something to wear at work. I can do the Bermuda shorts at home. Mulder wasn't home when we got back; he's playing Dungeons and Dragons with the Gunmen. I'm glad. I'd hate him to see me like this, upset and cranky as Hell. I want to be pregnant, I just don't want to be, well, ugly. September 13, 2000 I just came back from a visit to Dr. Hansen. My blood tests....well, they aren't normal. "Dana, I want to discuss your latest set of blood tests." Dr. Hansen had already examined me and had asked me into her office to discuss my pregnancy. She looked concerned. "Why? Anything wrong?" I suddenly felt a clutch of fear. "Well, you recall those unusual blood factors that showed up in your original tests?" I nodded. Of course I know about the blood factors, my legacy of time spent a guinea pig of the consortium. Mulder and I hadn't explained in great detail the circumstances of my abduction, just that I had been the subject of human experimentation. "Yes. I know that my blood is somewhat unusual. Is there a problem?" "Well, we are seeing some changes in the blood chemistry that could indicate a reaction occurring between your blood and that of the fetus. I've never seen bloodwork like this before. It may negatively affect the baby." "I could lose the baby?" My voice had begun to tremble and I could feel my arms clutching my abdomen, as though to protect the life inside. "It's hard to tell, Dana. You have elements in your blood that I've never seen before. The nearest analogy is to an RH factor incompatibility. Your blood has produced the functional equivalent of antibodies to the fetus' blood. The level isn't harmful yet, but we need to monitor it to see if it is rising." "But it isn't an RH problem," I said flatly. "My blood type is positive, only if my blood type were negative and the child's positive would my body produce harmful antibodies." Dr. Hansen nodded. "That's correct, and you are a positive type. We double-checked that. No, the elements we found--we'll call them anti-bodies for lack of a better term, although they're not---are acting in the same way against what seems to them to be a foreign substance." "Human blood....but I've had transfusions before." This can't be. This just can't be happening, I kept telling myself. "Those were brief exposures to foreign blood. Pregnancy is a longer term exposure. It's taken three months to generate this modest level of reaction, and ultimately it may not be a problem." "Not for this pregnancy, you mean. But it might prevent my carrying others." "Yes, Dana. Unless we can determine a way to stop this progression, it can cause problems with this pregnancy and affect future ones." I went home after that doctor visit. I couldn't face Mulder at the office with this news until I'd absorbed it myself. I had a visitor waiting in my living room. "Get out." I glared at the old, weathered man smoking on my living room carpet. "Is that any way to greet your father-in-law?" he asked with a smile. He stubbed out his cigarette in a potted plant and glanced at my abdomen. When I caught his glance I wrapped my arms around my belly protectively. He laughed. "I assure you, Dana, may I call you Dana? I have no evil designs upon my grandchild. In fact, I'm here to help." His smile faded and he looked at me intently. "You have undoubtedly just discovered that your pregnancy may have its complications. A little problem of blood incompatibility? My people are very familiar with situations of this type and can treat it easily. I'm here to offer my help." "You can take your 'help' and get the Hell out of my home!" "Come now, Dana, you must admit that I have my resources. I'm the one that gave you your second chance at motherhood." "After you ripped it away from me in the first place!" I felt my body grow cold and fixed a focused glare on this sorry excuse for a man. "And after the torture you put Mulder through, what your butchers did to him, I should shoot you where you stand. And you have the gall to claim him as your son!" The old man had the grace to look a little embarrassed, then his accustomed smug confidence reasserted itself. "I cured him. When I found him in that hospital he was dying a slow and painful death. When you found him, by my arrangement I might add, he was cured of his illness and his telepathy. I was able to do more for him than you could. If anything, you both owe me a debt of thanks." "We don't want your 'help'. I won't let you experiment on this child." "If you don't accept the help I offer, this child will die just as Emily died. You and I both know that Emily could have been saved had my doctors continued to treat her. It was your intervention that prevented that." He gave me a look equally compounded of determination and...concern? "If you don't accept my help in this, there is nothing that you can do that will save this child. And you will have nobody to blame but yourself." He tossed a business card onto the coffee table. "I'll leave you to think about that." Title: Seeds (4 of ?) DANA SCULLY'S JOURNAL October 8, 2000 Mulder and I went to buy baby furniture today. We now have a two bedroom apartment, and so we have room for a nursery. I've decided that I want the nursery walls to be yellow (good for either gender of child) and found some wallpaper border with bunnies. It was wonderful to see Mulder's eyes soften as we looked over the wallpaper samples. Then when we got to the cribs, changing tables and high chairs I could see it all suddenly become real to him. He was going to be a father. His arm went around my shoulders then, and mine around his waist. We strolled through the furniture store without words. We didn't need any. We found a crib and changing table, in blonde wood. Then Mulder spotted a large rocking chair and all was lost. We have that too, in the nursery beside a stack of children's picture books: Good Night Moon, Where the Wild Things Are. Mulder has already made plans to sit in the rocking chair and read to our child regularly. He told me with complete seriousness that studies show that children read to from infancy develop faster and become better students. Of course, Mulder. October 10, 2000 Mulder insisted on coming with me to find out the results of my latest blood tests. I 'm glad he did. Kim (Dr. Hansen) looked grave as she sat us down in her office. "Dana, Mulder, I've gotten the latest test results on Dana's blood. There are definite changes in her blood chemistry showing a reaction in the fetus' system to some factor in Dana's blood." "What kind of reaction?" My voice came out calm and crisp. She couldn't know that I was clutching Mulder's hand beneath the level of the desk. "Well, for lack of a better word, I'd say that the baby's blood is becoming denser; it seems to be thickening. What? Is this familiar to you?" She had caught the grim look that Mulder and I exchanged. I nodded. "Yes, we are familiar with it. A few years ago Mulder was exposed to a retrovirus which caused hyperviscosity syndrome. He survived because he was suffering from hypothermia at the time, which slowed the progression of the symptoms. Anti-viral agents and Heparin pulled him through." My clutch on Mulder's hand grew tighter. I could see the look on his face. "This isn't...I mean, I couldn't have carried this thing dormant and passed it on to my child...could I?" Mulder focused burning eyes on Dr. Hansen. Dr. Hansen leaned back in her chair and sighed. "Mulder, I just don't know. I don't think this is a virus, but I can't identify it either." "Mulder, we have to get Dr. Hansen your medical records, too. And everything we have on the effects of this retrovirus." Mulder nodded. "This virus, or whatever, could be a normal factor in the alien DNA which reacts to Human blood. That would explain my infection and the reaction we're seeing now, since your DNA has alien DNA grafted into it now." I could see Kim Hansen's eyebrows climb up her forehead. She knows about our work in a general way, but not the specifics. Certainly not these specifics." "Alien? Mulder, what are you talking about?" Kim couldn't figure out whether Mulder was serious or not. I sighed. "Kim, he is serious. It's a long story...." We told her the story of the past 7 years of our partnership, from the first abduction case in Oregon, to the alien bounty hunter, my abduction, Antarctica, everything. When we finished, she was silent for a bit. Then she sat up straight and shook her head. "Dana, if it were anybody else but you and Mulder telling me this I'd be phoning Security to have you removed to the Psych ward. Do you have evidence of this? Of any of this?" "You have it before you, in my blood tests; in what it's doing to our child," I said simply. "You won't find this condition in your medical books, because it doesn't exist there." "So you believe that treating this condition with anti-viral drugs and Heparin cured it?" I shrugged. "Mulder was also exposed to extreme cold, which also has a negative effect on this virus or blood factor." Dr. Hansen reached for the phone and began punching in numbers. "I'm going to call a perinatologist at Georgetown. I think I need to refer you to a specialist if we're going to begin treating you with blood thinners and anti-virals." October 13, 2000 Mulder's birthday. I wish it could be a happier one. Dr. Jessup performed an ultrasound and took samples of the fetal umbilical cord blood. There is a tangible thickening of the fetal blood, and we can only expect it to get worse. Dr. Jessup has reviewed Mulder's and my medical records, blood samples from both of us and the baby and believes that this element, while it may be related to the virus that felled Mulder, isn't a virus. I have reviewed the same data and must concur. The effect may be caused by a combination of factors in my blood and the infant's, but at this point it's impossible to say. The various genetic factors and blood chemistries are so far beyond human norm.... My doctors and I have discussed the situation and have decided that I should begin daily injections of Heparin. Hopefully this will thin the baby's blood, although necessarily my own as well. This will make me subject to easily bruising, nosebleeds, possibly hemorrhaging. Mine was always an unusual pregnancy, I've become so high risk that Dr. Jessup doesn't know what to do with me. I worry and I am afraid. And I stare at the business card I picked up from the coffee table and tucked into my wallet. No. That isn't an option. His price would be too high. Mulder has begun working on the Basileus case to the exclusion of all else. I know what he's doing. He wants to find that woman and her medallion, to use it for me and the baby. He was like this when his mother had the stroke. I know that she must be a fake, but I won't stop him. At least if he feels that he's doing something, this will be better for him. So far, no leads. None of her 'patients' that we've tracked down so far know anything about her or her whereabouts. But I know Mulder, and he will keep trying. We went to dinner at Tony's tonight, to celebrate. We are trying to keep our spirits up, mostly ignoring the elephant in our living room much as we did when I had cancer. Tony was wonderful. He's so pleased that we're going to be parents that he can't do enough for us. He served us his mother's special minestrone soup, guaranteed to give every expectant mother a full quota of vitamins and minerals. Then he had the violinist serenade us. I never knew that you could play so many Elvis songs on violin. I got Mulder my usual gift, a tie. He expressed his usual subdued appreciation until he looked more closely at the pattern: little Wile E. Coyote's running diagonally across the tie, chasing tiny Road Runners. His snort of laughter made it all worthwhile. If I can live with Marvin the Martian on my living room wall, he can wear a Loony Tunes tie. October 23, 2000 I felt the baby move today! We were in the office, working. Since my pregnancy, Skinner has referred quieter, more sedate cases and as a result Mulder and I haven't taken any out of town trips in the last several months. I was reviewing more of the medical records in the Basileus case when I felt a strange fluttering in my abdomen. Gas? Heartburn? Then I stilled and realized what it was. My baby is alive inside me. I just sat, with both my hands over my belly, concentrating. "Scully? Scully, what's wrong?" I could hear the edge of panic in Mulder's voice as he came over to me. I looked up and I know that the joy was shining in my eyes. "I felt the baby kick, just now. He's alive, and he's moving." I moved Mulder's hand to rest over the spot where our child was dancing. I doubt that Mulder could feel anything, it was so subtle, but the look on his face was enough for me. November 2, 2000 No movement on the Basileus case. We have two other new cases. The first is a case of serial arson, elementary schools going up in flames in the San Joaquin Valley in California. Mulder suspects a firestarter because none of the forensic evidence has turned up any clues as to how the fire started. The second, a request for consult from Violent Crimes involves profiling a child molester who kidnaps and ritually abuses young children. I tried to talk Mulder out of it, but we both knew I was wasting my breath. He'll attempt to save the next child or die trying. But I did get his promise that a profile is all he will do; no fieldwork on this one. I saw him reading the file this morning and knew it, because I'd gotten it from Skinner. "Mulder, I want to talk to you about this case." I pulled the chair over to his desk and settled my new bulk into it. I've begun wearing the pregnancy suits my dressmaker created for me. Today's was the navy pantsuit. Tomorrow the black. "Hmm?" His eyes stayed trained on the paper for a moment then he looked up at me. "Yeah, Scully, what is it?" "Mulder, I have to ask something of you that won't be easy." I clasped my hands on the desk and looked earnestly into his eyes. "Sure, Scully, anything. You know that," Mulder said softly. "Don't do any fieldwork on this case. Please. They want a profile, just do a profile but nothing more. I...um...I..." I struggled to express my need for his support, for him to be *there* for me, to be himself. "Mulder, I *need* you to be yourself, to be with me in this. When you profile, you go someplace else inside, some place I can't follow you. I...I just can't do that right now." There. It was out. Dana Scully was a needy pile of pregnant hormones, begging her man to take care of her. I felt embarrassed by this admission of weakness. Mulder put his hand on top of my two clasped ones. "Scully? Scully, look at me." I looked up and saw love shining in those deep green eyes. "You are the *most* important thing in my life, and I am incredibly honored that you have asked me for my help." He looked down at the casefile and slowly closed hit with his left hand. "I'll do a profile, on paper. No scene visits, no witness interviews." I smiled and he smiled back. Maybe asking for help isn't so bad after all. November 4, 2000 I have been experiencing pre-term labor this past week. The spells would pass and Dr. Jessup wanted to monitor it. This morning it woke me with regular contractions. Mulder is taking me to see Dr. Jessup. later--- Dr. Jessup is concerned but doesn't feel that he needs to hospitalize me yet. He has given me medication for the contractions and I am to refrain from physical activity as well as sex of any kind. I don't know who will be more unhappy about that, Mulder or I? After 7 years of celibacy, having Mulder in my life has been like rain after a drought. But when push comes to shove, I loved Mulder before sex entered the picture and I'd love him if we never slept together again. I will also have to give up fieldwork for the time being. Running after felons just doesn't make sense any more. That hurts; I worry for Mulder if I'm not there to guard his back. The most terrible injuries he's had all happened when I wasn't there to protect him: Alaska, the boat dock, the warehouse. I haven't told Mulder about my latest dreams. I dream of blood; blood everywhere. And then the red haze clears and I see a child, a little boy with Mulder's features and red hair who leads me into the DOD operating room I found Mulder in. We go inside and Mulder is on the table, strapped down, pale. Only this time I find no heartbeat; he is dead. I turn and the child disappears, just evaporates. I am left standing alone in the empty, echoing room. November 6, 2000 It's too soon. Too soon. I woke at 3:00 this morning, lying in a puddle of liquid. I shoved Mulder to wake him, but he just mumbled something about "damned waterbed" and went back to sleep. So I hauled off and slapped him harder, and yelled "Mulder, wake up! For God's sake, wake up! We have to get to the hospital! The baby's coming." Mulder jumped out of bed, wild-eyed. He knows how early this is. Too early. Five months is too early.... My water broke at 3:00 a.m. this morning. Mulder is gathering my things to get me to the hospital. I am in labor. And it's too soon! Oh please Holy Mary, Mother of God, help my baby! __________________________________________________ Do You Yahoo!? Thousands of Stores. Millions of Products. All in one place. Yahoo! Shopping: http://shopping.yahoo.com
From: Xenith <xenitha@yahoo.com> Title: Seeds (4 of ?) Author: Xenith Disclaimer: The X-files belong to Chris Carter and 1013 Productions, not me. I'm only borrowing the characters for now. I'll put them back when I'm done. Rating: PG Category: SA Keywords: MSR, Scullytorture, Muldertorture, Scullyangst, Mulderangst Spoilers: Thru 7th season Archive: Sure! Spooky's yes! Feedback: Love it! Love it! E-Mail address: xenitha@yahoo.com Discussion List: Yes!!! Yes!!! Summary: A married Mulder and Scully expect a child through IVF but all does not go well....get out your hankies.... Author's Note: This takes place in the Abattoir universe, following Wedding From Hell and Honeymoon. To read the other Abattoir Stories, the website is at : http://members.xoom.com/Xenith0/abattoir.html To read Honeymoon by TBishop, go to http://tbishop.freeservers.com Author's Thanks: Many and generous thanks to Dr. David, my medical consultant for the gritty details and thank you to TBishop for loaning him to the cause. And thanks to Spygirl and Wylfcynne for the encouragement and inspiration, and to Paige Caldwell for begging me not to kill Mulder. DANA SCULLY?S JOURNAL October 8, 2000 Mulder and I went to buy baby furniture today. We now have a two bedroom apartment, and so we have room for a nursery. I?ve decided that I want the nursery walls to be yellow (good for either gender of child) and found some wallpaper border with bunnies. It was wonderful to see Mulder?s eyes soften as we looked over the wallpaper samples. Then when we got to the cribs, changing tables and high chairs I could see it all suddenly become real to him. He was going to be a father. His arm went around my shoulders then, and mine around his waist. We strolled through the furniture store without words. We didn?t need any. We found a crib and changing table, in blonde wood. Then Mulder spotted a large rocking chair and all was lost. We have that too, in the nursery beside a stack of children?s picture books: Good Night Moon, Where the Wild Things Are. Mulder has already made plans to sit in the rocking chair and read to our child regularly. He told me with complete seriousness that studies show that children read to from infancy develop faster and become better students. Of course, Mulder. October 10, 2000 Mulder insisted on coming with me to find out the results of my latest blood tests. I ?m glad he did. Kim (Dr. Hansen) looked grave as she sat us down in her office. ?Dana, Mulder, I?ve gotten the latest test results on Dana?s blood. There are definite changes in her blood chemistry showing a reaction in the fetus? system to some factor in Dana?s blood.? ?What kind of reaction?? My voice came out calm and crisp. She couldn?t know that I was clutching Mulder?s hand beneath the level of the desk. ?Well, for lack of a better word, I?d say that the baby?s blood is becoming denser; it seems to be thickening. What? Is this familiar to you?? She had caught the grim look that Mulder and I exchanged. I nodded. ?Yes, we are familiar with it. A few years ago Mulder was exposed to a retrovirus which caused hyperviscosity syndrome. He survived because he was suffering from hypothermia at the time, which slowed the progression of the symptoms. Anti-viral agents and Heparin pulled him through.? My clutch on Mulder?s hand grew tighter. I could see the look on his face. ?This isn?t...I mean, I couldn?t have carried this thing dormant and passed it on to my child...could I?? Mulder focused burning eyes on Dr. Hansen. Dr. Hansen leaned back in her chair and sighed. ?Mulder, I just don?t know. I don?t think this is a virus, but I can?t identify it either.? ?Mulder, we have to get Dr. Hansen your medical records, too. And everything we have on the effects of this retrovirus.? Mulder nodded. ?This virus, or whatever, could be a normal factor in the alien DNA which reacts to Human blood. That would explain my infection and the reaction we?re seeing now, since your DNA has alien DNA grafted into it now.? I could see Kim Hansen?s eyebrows climb up her forehead. She knows about our work in a general way, but not the specifics. Certainly not these specifics.? ?Alien? Mulder, what are you talking about?? Kim couldn?t figure out whether Mulder was serious or not. I sighed. ?Kim, he is serious. It?s a long story....? We told her the story of the past 7 years of our partnership, from the first abduction case in Oregon, to the alien bounty hunter, my abduction, Antarctica, everything. When we finished, she was silent for a bit. Then she sat up straight and shook her head. ?Dana, if it were anybody else but you and Mulder telling me this I?d be phoning Security to have you removed to the Psych ward. Do you have evidence of this? Of any of this?? ?You have it before you, in my blood tests; in what it?s doing to our child,? I said simply. ?You won?t find this condition in your medical books, because it doesn?t exist there.? ?So you believe that treating this condition with anti-viral drugs and Heparin cured it?? I shrugged. ?Mulder was also exposed to extreme cold, which also has a negative effect on this virus or blood factor.? Dr. Hansen reached for the phone and began punching in numbers. ?I?m going to call a perinatologist at Georgetown. I think I need to refer you to a specialist if we?re going to begin treating you with blood thinners and anti-virals.? October 13, 2000 Mulder?s birthday. I wish it could be a happier one. Dr. Jessup performed an ultrasound and took samples of the fetal umbilical cord blood. There is a tangible thickening of the fetal blood, and we can only expect it to get worse. Dr. Jessup has reviewed Mulder?s and my medical records, blood samples from both of us and the baby and believes that this element, while it may be related to the virus that felled Mulder, isn?t a virus. I have reviewed the same data and must concur. The effect may be caused by a combination of factors in my blood and the infant?s, but at this point it?s impossible to say. The various genetic factors and blood chemistries are so far beyond human norm.... My doctors and I have discussed the situation and have decided that I should begin daily injections of Heparin. Hopefully this will thin the baby?s blood, although necessarily my own as well. This will make me subject to easily bruising, nosebleeds, possibly hemorrhaging. Mine was always an unusual pregnancy, I?ve become so high risk that Dr. Jessup doesn?t know what to do with me. I worry and I am afraid. And I stare at the business card I picked up from the coffee table and tucked into my wallet. No. That isn?t an option. His price would be too high. Mulder has begun working on the Basileus case to the exclusion of all else. I know what he?s doing. He wants to find that woman and her medallion, to use it for me and the baby. He was like this when his mother had the stroke. I know that she must be a fake, but I won?t stop him. At least if he feels that he?s doing something, this will be better for him. So far, no leads. None of her ?patients? that we?ve tracked down so far know anything about her or her whereabouts. But I know Mulder, and he will keep trying. We went to dinner at Tony?s tonight, to celebrate. We are trying to keep our spirits up, mostly ignoring the elephant in our living room much as we did when I had cancer. Tony was wonderful. He?s so pleased that we?re going to be parents that he can?t do enough for us. He served us his mother?s special minestrone soup, guaranteed to give every expectant mother a full quota of vitamins and minerals. Then he had the violinist serenade us. I never knew that you could play so many Elvis songs on violin. I got Mulder my usual gift, a tie. He expressed his usual subdued appreciation until he looked more closely at the pattern: little Wile E. Coyote?s running diagonally across the tie, chasing tiny Road Runners. His snort of laughter made it all worthwhile. If I can live with Marvin the Martian on my living room wall, he can wear a Loony Tunes tie. October 23, 2000 I felt the baby move today! We were in the office, working. Since my pregnancy, Skinner has referred quieter, more sedate cases and as a result Mulder and I haven?t taken any out of town trips in the last several months. I was reviewing more of the medical records in the Basileus case when I felt a strange fluttering in my abdomen. Gas? Heartburn? Then I stilled and realized what it was. My baby is alive inside me. I just sat, with both my hands over my belly, concentrating. ?Scully? Scully, what?s wrong?? I could hear the edge of panic in Mulder?s voice as he came over to me. I looked up and I know that the joy was shining in my eyes. ?I felt the baby kick, just now. He?s alive, and he?s moving.? I moved Mulder?s hand to rest over the spot where our child was dancing. I doubt that Mulder could feel anything, it was so subtle, but the look on his face was enough for me. November 2, 2000 No movement on the Basileus case. We have two other new cases. The first is a case of serial arson, elementary schools going up in flames in the San Joaquin Valley in California. Mulder suspects a firestarter because none of the forensic evidence has turned up any clues as to how the fire started. The second, a request for consult from Violent Crimes involves profiling a child molester who kidnaps and ritually abuses young children. I tried to talk Mulder out of it, but we both knew I was wasting my breath. He?ll attempt to save the next child or die trying. But I did get his promise that a profile is all he will do; no fieldwork on this one. I saw him reading the file this morning and knew it, because I?d gotten it from Skinner. ?Mulder, I want to talk to you about this case.? I pulled the chair over to his desk and settled my new bulk into it. I?ve begun wearing the pregnancy suits my dressmaker created for me. Today?s was the navy pantsuit. Tomorrow the black. ?Hmm?? His eyes stayed trained on the paper for a moment then he looked up at me. ?Yeah, Scully, what is it?? ?Mulder, I have to ask something of you that won?t be easy.? I clasped my hands on the desk and looked earnestly into his eyes. ?Sure, Scully, anything. You know that,? Mulder said softly. ?Don?t do any fieldwork on this case. Please. They want a profile, just do a profile but nothing more. I...um...I...? I struggled to express my need for his support, for him to be *there* for me, to be himself. ?Mulder, I *need* you to be yourself, to be with me in this. When you profile, you go someplace else inside, some place I can?t follow you. I...I just can?t do that right now.? There. It was out. Dana Scully was a needy pile of pregnant hormones, begging her man to take care of her. I felt embarrassed by this admission of weakness. Mulder put his hand on top of my two clasped ones. ?Scully? Scully, look at me.? I looked up and saw love shining in those deep green eyes. ?You are the *most* important thing in my life, and I am incredibly honored that you have asked me for my help.? He looked down at the casefile and slowly closed hit with his left hand. ?I?ll do a profile, on paper. No scene visits, no witness interviews.? I smiled and he smiled back. Maybe asking for help isn?t so bad after all. November 4, 2000 I have been experiencing pre-term labor this past week. The spells would pass and Dr. Jessup wanted to monitor it. This morning it woke me with regular contractions. Mulder is taking me to see Dr. Jessup. later--- Dr. Jessup is concerned but doesn?t feel that he needs to hospitalize me yet. He has given me medication for the contractions and I am to refrain from physical activity as well as sex of any kind. I don?t know who will be more unhappy about that, Mulder or I? After 7 years of celibacy, having Mulder in my life has been like rain after a drought. But when push comes to shove, I loved Mulder before sex entered the picture and I?d love him if we never slept together again. I will also have to give up fieldwork for the time being. Running after felons just doesn?t make sense any more. That hurts; I worry for Mulder if I?m not there to guard his back. The most terrible injuries he?s had all happened when I wasn?t there to protect him: Alaska, the boat dock, the warehouse. I haven?t told Mulder about my latest dreams. I dream of blood; blood everywhere. And then the red haze clears and I see a child, a little boy with Mulder?s features and red hair who leads me into the DOD operating room I found Mulder in. We go inside and Mulder is on the table, strapped down, pale. Only this time I find no heartbeat; he is dead. I turn and the child disappears, just evaporates. I am left standing alone in the empty, echoing room. November 6, 2000 It?s too soon. Too soon. I woke at 3:00 this morning, lying in a puddle of liquid. I shoved Mulder to wake him, but he just mumbled something about ?damned waterbed? and went back to sleep. So I hauled off and slapped him harder, and yelled ?Mulder, wake up! For God?s sake, wake up! We have to get to the hospital! The baby?s coming.? Mulder jumped out of bed, wild-eyed. He knows how early this is. Too early. Five months is too early.... My water broke at 3:00 a.m. this morning. Mulder is gathering my things to get me to the hospital. I am in labor. And it?s too soon! Oh please Holy Mary, Mother of God, help my baby! Title: Seeds (5 of ?) MULDER'S JOURNAL November 6, 2000 Before Scully would let us leave, she insisted that she had to call her mother. She calmly reached out her hand for my cellphone and I handed it to her, then peeled rubber out of that parking place. "Mom? It's me, Dana. We're on our way to the hospital. Yes, Mulder's fine; uh..my water broke this morning. Yeah...I know. Only five months.....Oh, could you bring him? Thanks. I appreciate it." Scully hung up the phone and leaned back in her seat grimacing slightly. "Sweetheart? You okay?" I asked anxiously. Her eyes opened and I could see the worry in them. "I'm okay. Mom is bringing Father McCue with her to the hospital. Just in case." I felt cold. Just in case---what? In case the baby dies? In case my wife dies? I didn't want to think about those eventualities, much less talk about them. I just gave Scully a glance, and I know that said it all. By the time we got to the hospital, the contractions were stronger and more frequent. I pulled into the emergency entrance at Georgetown and followed the wheelchair that took my wife into the ER. Then I got waylaid by the eternal paperwork and the admitting staff. For once I could empathize with what Scully must go through when I end up in places like this. All the while I was noting down insurance information, I was longing to be at her side. Finally I just threw my wallet at the nurse and said, "I've got better things to do right now than fill out goddamned paperwork. Put it all on the freakin' credit card and we'll work this out later. Where is she?" The nurse handed me the wallet back and led me to the Obstetrics department where, after I was gowned and masked, I found Scully on a bed in a delivery room. "Hey, little mother. How ya doin'?" I smoothed the hair from her sweaty forehead and kissed her. They had her hooked up to more IV's than I've ever seen, and that's saying something. "S'okay...I guess. They're trying to counteract the Heparin in my system. Baby's coming, like it or not. Too soon..." Scully shook her head and I could see tears glistening. "Can he survive?" I asked quietly. She met my eyes. "I've never heard of a premie at less than 23 weeks surviving; ours is only 20 weeks. And even if he makes it, he could have substantial deficits...." Another contraction took her and I could see her tense and fight against it; trying vainly to stop the process and keep our child safe in the womb. I grabbed her hand. "Scully, I don't know much about this, but I don't think you should be tensing up like that...." "That's absolutely right, Mr. Mulder." Dr. Jessup said, eyeing the monitors. "Dana, I'm sorry but there's no way to prevent this birth. You're already dilated six centimeters and your waters have broken. We'll do our very best for you and for the baby." I could see medical personnel moving an incubator into the room and readying an area, to treat the baby I thought. Scully had another contraction and clutched my hand, but she never made a sound. I could see her jaw clench, then release as the wave passed. "Sorry we hadn't gotten to those Lamaze classes?" I asked her, smiling. "Damn right. All this god-damned medical education and I feel helpless." Her head fell back against the pillows. "Mulder... you aren't going anywhere, are you?" Her hand tightened on mine. "No, of course not. I'm staying right here. I want to see my child born." She looked pale and soon had another contraction but this time gave a wrenching moan. Her eyes glazed over and I could tell she didn't see me. Tears rolled down her checks and at the next contraction she cried out loud, hanging on to me like a lifeline. My Scully was in pain and I'm supposed to be her coach and support. "Scully? Hey, I'm here G-Woman. Try to breathe, okay? Don't hold your breath...The doc says for you to yell as loud as you want, so this is it. Go for it!" I bent over her and caught her eyes with mine. "C'mon, sweetheart, how about a couple good obscenities for me?" She smiled a little then grimaced again and took me at my word with a gut-wrenching scream. All I could feel was panic and I could feel tears running down my face. "Hey doc! Can you give her some painkillers or something?" Please, do something for her. I can't watch this.... "No, I'm afraid not. Any drugs I give her will cross the placenta and affect the baby. I want to give him every chance." We both turned as Scully gave a long anguished cry, tears starting to run down her face. This contraction didn't seem to end like the others had. The doctors started moving faster as Scully writhed in pain. Oh God, she hurt so much and I couldn't help her. No aliens to kill, no consortium spies to interrogate, nothing I could do, just watch and be with her. I couldn't even coach her breathing. Neither of us had taken that damned class and all the medical personnel were swarming around the other end of the bed. One of the nurses adjusted the overhead lights, shining it directly into Scully's face. Scully jerked and her hand in mine became a vice. "No...no...leave me alone! Please, leave me alone," she began whimpering. I leaned forward and she looked up at me, unseeing. "No..please, don't take them. Please don't take them, leave me alone! It hurts!" "Scully! Scully?" She was looking at me in horror and trying to shrink away without success. Then I realized it. Damn. Bright lights in her eyes, people surrounding her wearing scrubs and masks. And pain. Oh Scully.... I grabbed off my surgical mask and lowered my face near hers so that she could see the nose. "Hey Scully, It's me--Mulder. It's okay, you're safe. I'm here! Please, Scully? Say something." She looked up at me then grimaced again and gave an anguished yell. "Here it comes," said Dr. Jessup. I watched as a tiny red bundle landed in his large hands. A boy, but so very small. Jessup handed my son to another doctor and returned to Scully. I soon saw why. Blood. Lots of blood. I heard Jessup mutter "Placental abruption. Damn!" and call for blood. I was pushed away from Scully as they hovered over her, hanging blood bags and working on her; trying to keep her from bleeding to death. I backed away and my eyes followed my son as the other personnel wrapped him and began working on him feverishly. I could see his tiny chest rise and fall, moving the nest of wires and tubes in which he lay, surrounded by a swarm of people. I heard Scully calling for me and hurried back to her. Scully looked dully toward our son. "Mulder? Our baby..." "He's alive. Are you okay?" I looked at her closely. She was so pale. "I'm okay...now that I know I'm not in a train car. Mulder, will you see if Father McCue is here yet? I want our son to be baptized. Now." Her eyes were clear and determined. I knew that she was afraid of the same thing. I nodded and left the room. Maggie and Father McCue were outside. Maggie looked up worriedly. "It's a boy but he's small. Scully wants to have him baptized right away." "Of course," said Father McCue. He picked up a prayerbook and followed me into the delivery room. Personnel were still swarming around Scully and another set crowded my son. My fears for them both intensified. "Father?" Scully called weakly to Fr. McCue. He went up to the head of the bed and smiled down at my wife. "Hello, Dana. How are you feeling?" "My son. Please baptize him. Now. I want him baptized before he can..." She couldn't finish the sentence and I could see tears welling up in her eyes as she turned her head away. "All right Dana. What name do you want to give him?" "William John. William for his grandfathers..." "And John for a prophet who cried out in the wilderness....a good choice." McCue gave me a sympathetic look and we edged in near the incubator. We explained to the doctor what we were there to do and were given access. And I stood witness as my son was named. Before he left, Fr. McCue gave Scully the Last Rites. Oh, they called it by it's newfangled name: Prayers for the Sick, or something like that. But I knew what it was. Maggie and I stood by and prayed, each in their own way. And I know that Scully was comforted by it. I didn't let her see how upset and afraid I was, she didn't need that. Outside, Maggie gave me a long hug. "I'm glad Dana has you by her side, Fox. I just want you to know that I've always wanted you for my son-in-law, and I think that my husband would have liked you very much. You're very good for her, you know." "I wish I could do more." I found myself fidgeting to be back in the room, at Scully's side. Maggie released me. "Go on back to Dana. Call me if you need me." I nodded and walked her to the waiting room door. And now I am sitting in a chair at Scully's bedside. They gave her two units of whole blood and she's stabilized now. She's sleeping quietly but wakes abruptly when I move to leave the room. She can't stand for me to leave; I think she's still dreaming of the train car, and my presence reassures her that she's safe. Little William has been moved into an intensive care nursery and is still holding his own. The doctors do not look optimistic when I visit this tiny scrap of flesh that I call my son. I had never realized how very fragile are those things that I value more than my life. Scully's love and presence has been so solid and dependable. I almost lost her today. And my little boy. He's so tiny and weak, struggling to live. All of this because of choices I made early in my career, to pursue the truth regardless of the consequences. That pursuit resulted in Scully's abduction and the terrible changes they made to her blood chemistry. The things they did to her gave her the equally terrible nightmares she has now. And then, whatever it is that was done to me, to alter me genetically. I know that what I am didn't happen by accident. Because of all these things, instead of a full term, healthy child we have a very sick little boy. My wife cannot rejoice in her child, but is instead ill and fearful. Oh, they owe reparation for so much, so very much. I can barely control my rage as I write this. But Scully and my son need me more right now, and so I will not leave them. But later....later.... November 7, 2000 He's gone. I went into the nursery to check on William and his incubator was empty. The nurses couldn't find him. There were no records of his having been moved to another nursery. He didn't die. He's just not there. They're combing the hospital as I write this but I know that they won't find him here. I dread telling my wife what I know to be true. My son's 'grandfather', tired of offering his 'help' has taken matters into his own hands and has stolen our child. Title: Seeds (6 of ?) DANA SCULLY'S JOURNAL November 7, 2000 I don't know where to begin. The past 24 hours has been a haze of pain, fear, joy and anxiety. I have a son, William John, who at this moment is missing from his incubator in the neonatal intensive care ward. My husband has gone after him, determined to find him. I am alone in a hospital bed, unable to go with him. I can't do anything but worry about them both. Mulder burst into my room, his face deadly pale. I immediately thought the very worst, news I had been expecting since William's birth. "Mulder? He's dead, isn't he?" I tried to hold back the tears but they began to fall. Mulder rushed over to me and held me close. He gave a bitter laugh. I looked up, surprised. "No, Scully, William isn't dead. At least, I don't think so. He's gone, missing from the intensive care unit. Nobody knows when he was taken, or by whom. No witnesses and very few clues. Just this..." Mulder reached into his pocket and removed a flattened and empty pack of Morley cigarettes. "Just like Samantha," Mulder finished bitterly. I just stared at the package. Just like Samantha..... "But don't worry, Scully. I'm going after him and I won't stop until I've taken him down *and* brought our son back!" I could see Mulder's eyes glitter with rage, the kind of determination that has kept him searching for Samantha for over twenty years. "Mulder, are you sure that this is a good idea?" I said slowly, thinking through all the implications. Mulder jerked and gave me a startled look. "Scully, surely you, of all people, don't want your child in *their* hands, to be a human lab rat. How can you consider such a thing?" He moved away from me, looking at me as though I had betrayed him. I shook my head. "Mulder, in this hospital William has no chance at life. I was telling you the truth before. At 20 weeks, he is just too young to survive, it is only a matter of time until he dies here. At least..." My voice failed on a sob, then I began again. "At least with the consortium his life can be preserved." "You're arguing the same logic that compelled my parents to turn over Samantha that night, at least if you believe what we've been told." "Yes, Mulder. And I think that we are in a very similar dilemma to the one that trapped your parents. With you and Samantha, they were able to choose to put a child in each camp, one to fight colonization and Samantha to participate in it, ensuring survival of at least one." I began to finger the hospital blanket, pulling lint from the surface. "We are trapped in a no-win situation, Mulder. If William returns here, conventional medicine can't save him. If we leave him with the consortium, he'll live but..." Mulder's quiet voice finished my sentence. "But we may never see him again. Is this our only option? To give another Mulder child to the consortium?" Mulder began to pace; I could see that he was longing to take some of his frustration out on the furniture but restrained himself with difficulty. He finally stopped and looked out the window, then bowed his head. "I can't do that, Scully. My father was trapped into an impossible situation by them, but I refuse to be. Even if I have to leave William with them to save his life, at least I want to know that my son is alive and well! I am owed that at least. Especially since his being taken was my fault." "What do you mean, your fault?" I looked at his guilty eyes in puzzlement. Mulder looked back in misery. "Cancerman approached me after you got pregnant. He wanted us to go to him for special treatment, he said that the pregnancy was threatened, endangering your life and the baby's. I turned him down flat. I....didn't tell you because I knew what your answer would be and I didn't want to worry you." "Mulder, I," I began but Mulder interrupted me. "Scully, he's done this in retaliation for my refusal. He knows that this is the only way he'll get his hands on our child and control us. He said that William's problems were caused by my genetic make up." Mulder edged toward the door, but didn't meet my eyes. "I know you're probably mad at me for not telling you, and I don't blame you Scully. William was taken because of me and my screwy family. All I can do to try and make it right is get William back. Or at least find out what's happened to him." "Mulder,..." I tried to tell him that it wasn't his fault, that Cancerman had approached me too, but Mulder was too wound up in his own sense of guilt. He cut me off again. "Scully, I'm so sorry that this has happened. I'll call you when I can." With that, Mulder slipped out the door before I could say another word. Since then I've tried his cell number multiple times. No answer. He's probably turned it off, expecting nothing but recriminations from me. Damn the man and his guilt! He's ditched me again! I'm not well enough to go after him; I feel like a limp dishrag. The doctor says I'll be out of the hospital in a day or two, but still need to take it easy. I don't have time to take it easy. ---later--- A.D. Skinner came to interview me as part of the investigation. Kidnapping is a Federal crime, and since Mulder and I are both agents, the Bureau takes it personally. "He what?" Skinner looked at me blankly. "He's gone to find William. If the baby can't come home, at least we'll know he's being cared for." I pulled my blankets tighter against me, although the hospital room was warm enough. "I know that the consortium has William, so I don't think that your investigation will turn up much." Skinner stopped and bowed his head, his arms folded across his chest. "You know what you're up against," he said softly. I nodded. "Yes. I can only hope that Mulder will be successful, and that we can force the consortium to give William back after they've healed him." Skinner shook his head slowly. "Well, I'll put Mulder on indefinite leave for the time being. And who knows? Maybe we'll turn up something. November 15, 2000 I am returning to work on Monday, medical leave or not. There's been no word from Mulder since he ducked out of my hospital room. He hasn't come home and nobody has seen him. Mom is staying with me for the time being. The official reason is so that she can care for me after the hospital. The true reason? I can't stand to be alone. I'm worried about Mulder and the baby. I've been having that nightmare this week; I'm sure it's only a reflection of my worry but still it unnerves me. MULDER'S JOURNAL November 12, 2000 They're letting me have my notebook and pen; I don't think they're very worried that this will ever see the light of day. I've done some stupid things in my life, but running out on Scully has to be one of the biggest. I couldn't face her. The guilt I felt at William's abduction just overpowered me. And it's an inescapable fact that had Scully been partnered elsewhere in the Bureau, she would never have suffered all the pain she's been through ever since. Now because she's the mother of my child, she gets.....this. But I digress. I sit in a room, no windows, linoleum floor, 10 feet by 10 feet without furniture. It has a urinal and a water tap on one wall, recessed lighting and a door with a hatch in it for my meals. It's amazing how palatable Army C-Rations can get when you're hungry. I knew that my 'father' had taken my son. I hoped that the old man hadn't moved since the last time I'd threatened him with a gun, and sought him out at home. He was waiting for me. "Fox, how nice of you to visit. Care for a drink?" The old bastard was sitting in an easy chair smoking and drinking Scotch. He gestured toward the bottle. I shook my head and drew my gun. "You knew, dammit! You knew what was going to happen all the time but you never told us." He took a drag on the cigarette. "Of course I did. And I did warn you, or I tried to. You were not very receptive." "Where is my son?" I pointed the gun at his heart. "What have you done with him?" He looked at me calmly, then smiled. "My grandson is well and is being given excellent care. He will be returned to you when he is healthy." "Just like you returned Samantha? I want to see my son. Now!" He just looked at me. He knew I didn't dare shoot him; he was the only link to my child. "Now!" I could hear my voice rise in anger and hysteria. Sam is gone and I may never see her again. I couldn't let that happen to William. He put the cigarette out in the ashtray. "I think you should see how young William is doing in my care. Alex!" I heard footsteps behind me and saw Alex Krycek and two other goons grinning at me. All were armed, of course. They wrestled my gun away and while the goons held me down, Krycek's needle to my bicep put me out. I woke up here on a hard linoleum floor. They'd taken my clothes and left me dressed in denim jeans and t-shirt but no shoes or socks. I have nothing that can be used as a weapon, not even an ugly tie to use as a garrote. Shortly after I woke, the goons arrived with Old Smokey. "Fox, I hope you slept well. I'm here to grant your wish. Come, we'll visit my grandchild now." He led the way and I followed, the goons taking up the rear. I was confident that the slightest wrong move on my part would land me back on that linoleum floor with a new set of bruises. "Why? Why are you doing this?" "Doing what?" He stopped and dropped his Morley on the floor, grinding the butt with this heel. "Stealing my boy? Tormenting Scully and me? Abducting Samantha? Why? What am I to you that you do these things?" So many years and this man's shadow has darkened all of them. He looked vulnerable for a moment, then his face hardened into its familiar smirk. "I already told you, Fox. I'm your father. I've done my best to protect you over the years from my colleagues who would have killed you. It's because of me that you are still alive. I don't mean you or your wife any harm; far from it. You refused my help, so I took a grandfather's prerogative and intervened. Come." He walked up a hallway and opened a door that led into a huge room. Like an earlier warehouse I'd seen, it was full of tanks with green liquid and moving bodies in them. He stopped in front of another tank, where a small form moved freely. William. "What are you doing to him, you bastard? You're making him one of your damned hybrids!" He put his hand gently against the glass. Propped against the base of the tank I could see a small blue plush teddy bear. "I don't have to transform him into something he is already. He gets that heritage from you, Fox. I've told you already, you're immune to the Black Oil and the other alien plagues. So is he." I ran my finger down the cold glass and saw William's eyes open and meet mine. His soft baby-hair floated in the liquid. He looked bigger than he had only the day before. "Why the tank, then? What are you doing?" "We are giving him the time and growth he wasn't able to gain in his mother's womb. He's already progressed to the stage of a 25 week fetus in the twenty-four hours he's been here. He should be fully developed in a week." "You're accelerating his growth? What else are you doing?" I looked this man in the eye, hoping for truth from a consummate liar. "Nothing more. He has already inherited the most important qualities from you. He'll have an eidetic memory, genius level IQ, your resistance to alien diseases..." He turned to me. "Possibly even your taste in ties, but one must take the good with the bad." "And then you'll let me take him home?" It couldn't be this easy. There must be a price, a catch. "When he's ready, he can go home. It was never my intention to steal your child from you. A son should be with his father." He turned and watched my son for a while, smiling a bit. "He's a handsome boy. I look forward to watching him grow." I barely controlled my shudder and my knee-jerk impulse to choke the life out of that bastard. He goes near my son over my dead body. However, looking at the firepower this old coot can muster, I have to admit that this is a possibility. And so here I have resided. I get visitation with my son, of course. I just knock on the door and they'll let me sit with him. I've sat for hours, hand pressed against the glass, watching him grow. It's almost palpable how quickly he's changing. It's frightening. But considering that the alternative is death, I have to accept this. They won't let me communicate with the outside world. The old man doesn't trust me, and rightly so. I'd have Scully and a horde of Agents down on this place like the wrath of God if I knew where it was. So I bide my time and wait for the promised day when I take my son and leave this place. And the first thing we'll do when we get him home is test his blood, see if it's red and make sure he's ours and not some hybrid changeling. November 15, 2000 Cancerman approached me this morning looking nervous--unusual for him. "So what's wrong? Run out of widows and orphans to victimize?" I put down this journal and sat on the linoleum, watching him. He puffed away at the ever-present cigarette. "I'm afraid we've run into a bit of a crisis here and I'll have to ask your assistance." I got up and dusted the seat of my jeans. "*You* need *my* help? That's rich. With what? And why should I help you out?" "The alien rebels were able to sabotage one of our recent drug cultures, causing it to run loose in one of our labs. As a result we've been forced to shut down the lab, making the remaining samples stored inside unobtainable. This particular bug has a habit of...er...eating through haz-mat suits and we need somebody to go inside and retrieve the samples." I looked at him. "So? Why me?" He became, if possible, even more uncomfortable. "The mutated virus is alien in origin. We have a reasonable belief that you are immune to it. You are the only person on the premises who can enter that lab safely and perform necessary decontamination procedures. We need you to enter the lab, retrieve the samples and then decontaminate the area." "Let me get this straight. One of your genocidal diseases is loose on the premises and you *think* I'm immune to it. So you want me to go in, retrieve other samples of the same genocidal disease, decontam the lab for you and give you the samples so that you can turn them loose on a helpless humanity. Is that a good summation?" I folded my arms over my chest and gave him a glare. He glared back. "If somebody doesn't decontaminate that lab, and fast, it'll leak into the environment and kill millions before we have a hope of stopping it. One of those samples you'll be retrieving is a counter-agent which will kill the virus. I might remind you that your wife and her family are residents of the greater D.C. area and would be immediately affected by this virus if it becomes airborne." He took a drag on his cigarette. "As you already know, we hope never to deploy these diseases because we want to find a counter to them first. We haven't stopped trying to save everybody, as Bill Mulder planned." He played his last card. "William is out of the tank and breathing freely on his own. Apgar score of 9, I'm told. After you've accomplished this small task, we'll deposit you both back home." As a result I am suited up in a haz-mat suit. (Okay, so it eats through these things. It makes me *feel* better). They took me to see William and, my God he looks great. He looks like a normal newborn. He has green eyes and a full head of red hair. It looks like he got my nose, though, poor kid. They took me to the lab, handed me a tank of decontamination fluid with spray nozzle and a carry-case for the samples. Then they all scurried away. I guess I'll leave the notebook here and will finish this entry when I'm done. I hope the old man keeps his word. DANA SCULLY'S JOURNAL November 20, 2000 I got a call from Skinner this morning. Mulder and William both turned up at Georgetown Memorial this morning. "Where's Mulder? Why isn't he on the line?" I asked anxiously. "And how is William?" "Agent Scully, we think that the baby might be William, although this child looks and weighs like a full term infant. Still, he bears a marked resemblance to Agent Mulder and the baby's footprint matches the print taken at birth. Regarding Agent Mulder...." I rushed to the hospital, not believing what Skinner had told me. But there he was, silent and still in a hospital bed. He was on a ventilator with an IV in his arm and an ng tube. I met Mulder's physician at the bedside. "You mean to tell me that nobody remembers him being admitted? There's no paperwork at all?" Dr. Scott shook his head. "I'm sorry Dr. Scully, but we're stumped. There is no paperwork on Mr. Mulder at all. We identified him by a wallet left sitting on the bedside table. He had been washed and cared for before he was left here. We have no idea where he could have come from." I walked over to Mulder and looked at his vitals. "What's wrong with him? Do you have a diagnosis?" "That's another strange thing. We believe that he was exposed to some unknown type of virus. It's had the effect of progressively shutting down the major organs of the body. We don't believe it's contagious. Basically the virus does its damage, then dies within its host." "A bio-weapon," I muttered. "Something that would be immediately effective on deployment, then die after it's caused its havoc. Have you tried any treatment?" I ran my hand through Mulder's hair, then down across his quiet skin. Even Mulder asleep is more animated than this. Dr. Scott presented me with the chart. They'd tried the standard anti-virals to no effect. And at this point the damage was done, the virus was gone leaving Mulder's body ravaged. He is dying and it's only a matter of time now. "Let me see the baby." I was taken to the nursery where I found a bright-eyed, full term infant waiting for me. He has Mulder's face and my hair. Still, I looked over the charts. Blood test--human. He bleeds red, thank God. I ordered a DNA test against Mulder's and my blood just the same, but I know that this is my child. I returned to Mulder and sat by his bedside. I know that he did a deal with the devil to get our son back. Now I need to find just what that devil did to him and if it can be reversed. Title: Seeds (7 of ?) SCULLY'S JOURNAL Author's Note: This takes place in the Abattoir universe, following Wedding From Hell and Honeymoon. To read the other Abattoir Stories, the website is at : http://members.xoom.com/Xenith0/abattoir.html To read Honeymoon by TBishop, go to http://tbishop.freeservers.com Author's Thanks: Many and generous thanks to Dr. David, my medical consultant for the gritty details and thank you to TBishop for loaning him to the cause. And thanks to Spygirl and Wylfcynne for the encouragement and inspiration, and to Paige Caldwell for begging me not to kill Mulder. DANA SCULLY'S JOURNAL November 20, 2000 I have examined Mulder thoroughly myself. I found old bruising to his jaw, mostly healed. He probably got that 5 to 7 days ago. Other than that, he has no suspicious wounds or marks. He has a number of puncture wounds to his arms, but that would be consistent with the IV's, both here and wherever he was treated before. And I know that he was treated before. His blood shows none of the branched DNA that mine did after I was abducted, so they didn't try to modify his genetics. I think they already did that, many years ago. So what *did* they do to him? Why did they decide to kill you now, Mulder, and then return you and my son to me? And why return you now, dying? Easier to just dump your body somewhere. "Penny for your thoughts," a familiar voice grated and I smelled a familiar odor of old nicotine. I turned around and saw him, lounging nonchalantly in the doorway. "Murderer," I hissed. "Now, now, that's a bit strong." He puffed his cigarette, then at my glare stubbed it out. "How is my grandson?" I turned my face back at Mulder's still form. "You're still trying to claim a relationship to which you have no claim. Mulder was right. You do kill your children." I held my fury inside with all my strength of will. I had to know what he'd done to Mulder. I turned to face him. "What did you do to him?" I asked steadily, watching his face for any change. He looked vulnerable for a moment. Almost guilty. "Our scientists had been working on a virus, known to digest plastics, lethal to humans. We...failed to neutralize a bit of sabotage by the alien rebels in time and the virus was released into one of our priority labs, killing all personnel inside. We believed that the virus was not lethal to anyone possessing alien DNA; it's based on a harmless virus commonly found among the colonists. It was on the verge of being released into the general atmosphere, causing a considerable amount of havoc and destruction in the D.C. area." He fumbled in his pocket and pulled out a pack of cigarettes, his eyes focused on Mulder's blanket-draped body. "So you sent Mulder in. Why?" "He was the only one who could decontaminate the lab. Only a true alien-human hybrid would be immune to this 'harmless' virus. Or so we thought. He went in and succeeded in decontaminating the lab, retrieving several valuable samples before he collapsed outside the lab door." He pulled a cigarette from the pack and lit it up with a gold lighter. His fingers seemed to tremble just a bit. He finally looked me in the face. "Imagine our surprise when we discovered that we had so modified this virus that it is lethal to those carrying alien genes as well. The genes provide resistance, but do not protect. We've unwittingly created an effective bio-weapon against the colonists." I shook my head and folded my arms across my chest, suddenly chilled. "But your weapon would decimate millions of humans, just to kill a few thousand aliens." A sudden suspicion hit me. "You sent him in on purpose. You knew what you had created, but you had to be sure. So you sent in the only alien-human hybrid you had. He's redundant now that William's been born....." I stopped and just looked at this man, unable to fathom what I'd just concluded. "Please....please," my voice trembled. "I...I'm begging you, please let him live. I'll make whatever deal you need, just heal him. You have to heal him..." I scrubbed at my eyes with the back of my hand, which came back smudged with eye makeup and mascara. "You don't need him any more, but surely he still has some value to you...." I looked up at his old, wicked eyes and pled, "Please..." "Agent Scully, believe what you like about me, but you're wrong," he said angrily. "My best doctors worked on him for *five* days, trying to kill the virus and repair the damage. They were only partially successful." He gave a long look at Mulder and his head bowed. "We could only prolong his life, not save it. I elected to return him to you; my organization owes him that at least." "And my son?" Dana, keep the voice steady. Don't let this old demon know you're ready to wail hysterically with grief...."Why not keep him?" "He belongs with his mother. And I *am* his grandfather. Is it so strange that I might care for his welfare? Or for that of his father?" He gave me a rueful little smile, put the cigarette to his lips and left the room. Now, as I sit here beside Mulder, I ponder the inevitability of my widowhood, and the strange relationships he has brought into my life. What to believe....this old man who lies and lies and lies and, sometimes, tells a little truth. How can you tell? Oh Mulder, you were right. You are doomed by your heritage. November 21, 2000 Mom came to sit with me. She's asleep in the other chair. Skinner stopped by, and so did Father McCue. Even though Mulder isn't Catholic he said a prayer and blessed him. I will turn away nothing that might help this man. He needs a miracle now. Miracle. I think I might know where to find one, maybe. ---Later--- I've pulled every bit of data we collected on the Basileus file. I located five of her 'patients' and will re-interview each of them. I have to find the commonalities, figure out how this woman found them. Then maybe I can find her. Please God, let me find her. November 23, 2000 Thanksgiving I told Mom not to expect me; she understands although Bill made a squawk. Mom just glared at him. I've been sleeping in the office. William is still in the hospital nursery, undergoing tests and waiting on DNA confirmation that I am his parent. After what happened before, they have him locked down tighter than the Pentagon. Not that it would prevent his 'grandfather' from taking him again. I want to know the identity of every chemical in this child's bloodstream, know every procedure they performed on him. If Mulder...if he doesn't....I need to know how best to protect my son, need to know what value he holds for them. So far no viable leads in the Basileus case. I am cross checking nursing and medical staff involved with each patient, friends, family, anything. So far, nothing. The Gunmen are pulling all nighters in the same quest. They visited Mulder yesterday. Frohike broke down in the hospital room and Byers had to drive him home. Langly keeps me updated on their progress. Unfortunately their progress is as poor as mine. He's been in danger before, I've had to search for answers, search for him before but I always had a clear path. There was something I could *do* to help him, whether it be cajoling a flight to Alaska on a military plane or deciphering a Navajo alphabet. Now, I have reached a dead end. There is *nothing* I can think to do that will save him. On this day of thanks, I cannot find it in my heart to feel grateful for this terrible pain in my soul. November 24, 2000 5:00 a.m. I just had the strangest meeting--visitation? I was asleep with my head on my desk, here at the Hoover Building when I felt a hand on the crown of my head. I woke up and there stood a woman, thin with golden brown hair that curled wildly. She wore a floral dress that smelled of roses. She smiled at me with deep brown eyes. "Hello, Dana. I'm sorry it took me so long to get to you." "Uh...excuse me?" I just looked at her. No I.D. badge. "How did you get in here?" She just smiled warmly at me. "I knew that you needed me, Dana. You want to save your beloved, don't you?" This conversation couldn't be happening. This must be the Basileus woman..."Excuse me, but are you Kora Basileus?" Her smile brightened. "My friends call me Kory. Do you want to save him?" I nodded. "Yes. Oh yes. Is there...anything that you could do?" She looked at me speculatively. "How much do you want to save him? Would you risk death for it?" "Yes, of course," I answered steadily. What a silly question; as though Mulder and I hadn't spent the last 7 years doing just that for each other. "Please, would you come with me to the hospital? Right now?" I got up and approached her. She shook her head. "No, I can't come with you; I'm expected elsewhere. But take this.." She pulled a gold chain from around her neck and handed me a battered looking bronze coin. I recognized the markings--a quartered circle on both sides. "Hold this against his skin and desire his health and wholeness and, short of death it shall be done." I took the coin into my hand, studying it carefully. It tingled as it hit my palm and felt warm to the touch. "But how...?" I started to ask, but she was gone. I hadn't heard the door open or footsteps. I moved to the doorway and found nobody there. Security hadn't seen her, entering or leaving. Not for the first time in my career, I set aside my questions and went forward. My car wouldn't start. Thirty minutes and some jumper cables later, I drove to the hospital at breakneck pace, cursing the early morning traffic with all my heart. I tried to call ahead, but I'd left my cell phone at my desk. Two accidents on the way, and roadwork left traffic at a crawl. All I knew was that I needed to hurry. Finally, finally I parked in the red zone and ran to the elevator, sprinting from it to Mulder's room. I found my mother and Skinner standing just outside the door. "Dana, we've been trying to reach you! Dana... Oh honey I'm so sorry...." Mom reached out to me and hugged me close. Skinner stood behind her with a grim look on his face. Was that a tear in the corner of his eye? "What? What is it? What happened? Mulder? Mom, let me go!" I pulled myself away and ran into Mulder's room. They'd disconnected the heart monitor and he lay quietly in bed. Too quiet. I walked up to him and held a hand against his neck. No pulse. None at the wrists either. His skin was cooling to the touch. No breath, no sound.... Mulder... Mom came up behind me, and I felt Skinner's hand on my shoulder. "They tried, Dana. They tried to resuscitate him but they couldn't. His body was just too damaged to survive. We couldn't reach you, but we know that the doctors tried. Dana, they tried..." "What time? When?" I asked numbly. Skinner said softly, "Fox Mulder was pronounced dead ten minutes ago, at 6:20 a.m. I'm so sorry, Dana." Title: Seeds (8 of ?) DANA SCULLY'S JOURNAL (undated) I just stood there, holding that useless damned coin in my hands. I reached out and stroked Mulder's face, trying to catch any feeling, motion, breath. Nothing. Nothing. He was gone. Oh Mulder, I got you your miracle...why couldn't you wait for me? I heard rustling sounds behind me. "Dana, honey, we'll be right outside if you need us..." I heard Mom and Skinner leave the room. That damned coin still tingled in my hand. Why not? I pressed it against Mulder's pale forehead and wished with all my heart. Nothing happened. I could feel the sobs building up inside, struggling to be released. No good. I was too damned late; this stupid hunk of metal was no good at all for all it's legendary powers. Wait a minute. What had she said? That, short of death, the coin would respond to a wish. But there was more to the legend, wasn't there? All those legends that Mulder was so fond of quoting, about Orpheus and Heracles, retrieving friends from the clutches of death. I studied the coin more closely. No special markings, no secret lettering. Maybe the difference was in the user's intention. I couldn't wish Mulder back to life. But, could I follow him and bring him back? I said a brief prayer and put the coin back on Mulder's forehead, then rested the palms of both hands on top. And I wished, wished so hard that I could feel a tightness in my chest and a tingling in my limbs. I prayed and begged the universe to let me in...let me follow him to Hades and bring him back......I never felt it when my body collapsed and fell across Mulder's dead form. I found myself in a twilit place, standing on a path running through a dense forest. Cypress and hemlock trees, I thought, and maybe a laurel or two. I looked around and saw nothing but more forest behind me. The coin was in my hands and I was dressed as I had been, pantsuit and trenchcoat. I'd forgotten my maglite, although I wondered if it would work here. In Hell. I shrugged and began to walk forward along the path, my feet crunching in the surface. What was that? I reached down and picked up a pinch of the substance---fine ash I thought. It was black and powdery and sifted through my fingers like no other substance I'd ever felt. I shivered and kept walking. Before long I began to see tiny white flowers dotting the edges of the path. They seemed to glow with their own light; could this asphodel? Interesting. I soon came to a large river. The water ran black and cold and deep. I was thirsty and reached out a hand to scoop some up when I heard a voice behind me. "I wouldn't do that if I were you," said a gravelly voice. I looked up and saw a short, gnomish man standing next to a boat. His grizzled beard and hair hung low over his t-shirt and leather leggings. He looked for all the world like a medieval version of Frohike. With a Grateful Dead t-shirt and tattoos. "What?" I just stared at him. I don't know what I'd expected, but a rock fan in Hell was a bit much. "You don't want to drink the water, or ingest any of the local food. Unless you want to forget who you are and stay forever, that is. The river Lethe runs into the Styx here, and one sip of that water your amnesia is total." He gestured at the river, then toward his boat. "You need to cross the river?" "Thanks for the warning. Yes, I do. I...I need to find someone." His eyes went to the coin and widened. "Oh, so you're one of those, huh? Trying to harrow Hell for somebody you love? Good luck. There's not many who succeed. Now, what'll you give for the toll?" He stuck his hand out, palm up. Toll? "Oh yes, Charon charges two gold pieces for passage..." I looked blankly around and began to offer him the coin. "Oh no, I don't want that. It isn't gold, and besides that's your token that you have a right to be here. Lose that and you're our guest forever." He grinned and I could see the stumps of rotten teeth in his mouth. "Does it have to be a coin? Will you take other gold?" I asked reluctantly. "Yeah, as long as it's gold." He eyed my wedding and engagement rings avidly. And so did I. Mulder gave me those rings to symbolize our love. The engagement ring was his grandmother's, the wedding ring--with it's silly "x" designs--Mulder had chosen himself without any input (or approval) from me. Between them, those rings symbolized our partnership: classic, unconventional, golden. No. I began to reach for the necklace I'd worn since I was a teenager. I unfastened the cross from my neck and pooled it in my hand. "Will this do?" I said softly, holding it out in my hand. He watched me closely and gingerly picked it up, the cross dangling from its chain. "It's light, very light. Barely enough there to give you passage...but yes. It's an acceptable price." He gestured toward the boat, and I got in. Then he began poling us across the river. Charon was chatty as we crossed. "So, you're going to ask Hades to release a soul? Whose?" I eyed the shore. "My husband." "Your true love, huh? Good luck, you'll need it. Hades has his issues about romance and marriage." He shook his head and poled the boat in to shore, then helped me onto the beach. "Well, I hope you're successful. Just don't forget about the important things..." He went back to the boat and began poling it away from shore. "What important things?" I called to him. "Trust...and faith!" His voice faded in the distance as he rapidly drew away. I pondered that while I faced inland. Another path began off the beach and I followed it. More trees, more dim twilight, still more white flowers clustered tightly together in clumps of glowing light. At last the path narrowed, passing between two huge boulders. I squeezed between them and saw, past the boulders, a bright green meadow crowded with poppies and anemones. The path changed from cindery black to soft moss, light clouds floated in a brilliant sky. Feeling lighter I began to make my way past the stones, I heard a growl and a huge, doglike creature jumped in front of me growling and barking....and it had three heads. It wouldn't let me through the narrow pass. Cerberus, the 3 headed dog of Hell. This was getting ridiculous. I edged to one side, the dog paced me. I saw that it was chained. If I could get far enough past it, the dog couldn't pursue. I pulled my gun and decided to try firing over it's head to frighten it. I aimed and pressed the trigger. Nothing. Damn. I tried again, but again failure. Guns don't work here. What else? It was starting to lick its chops, all three heads. Hungry? Great. Just great. And I'm fresh out of dog food. Or am I? I rummaged in my pocket for the last vestiges of my pregnancy cravings...Yes it was still there. A full bag of salt-water taffy. I tore open the plastic and began tossing candies into its gaping mouths. Once it tasted pure sugar, the beast was hooked and began chewing enthusiastically. I kept tossing candy at it as I scooted past. I fired off the last taffy just as the dog reached the end of its chain. By then it was wagging its tail at me happily and barking with happiness. I was past it. I walked for hours down the path, through a near eden of tall trees, flowery meadows and crystal streams. These must be the Elysian Fields, I thought. But no people that I could see. Finally I could see a building ahead. It looked like....no...it couldn't be. I walked up to the front door of Versailles and knocked. A very formal looking butler let me in and guided me to a large office without saying a word. I sat nervously and looked around me. I faced a truly huge mahogany desk, bare of paper or decoration. No phones or office machines. I hadn't expected this, but then this isn't the sort of visit you have expectations about. I guess. The double doors opened and two people came in. The first was a tall man, just out of middle age with striking features and black hair. He was well dressed in an Italian suit that Mulder would salivate over, gold cufflinks, polished shoes, tasteful tie. He sat down behind the desk. A woman followed him in. In her own way she was as striking as he was. She was tall and thin with curling golden brown hair and deep brown eyes. She seemed to be wearing a dress of flowers, that wove and twined across her body. As she passed me, I smelled roses. Where had I smelled that perfume...then I looked at her more closely. Darken the hair, make it frizzier, substitute a cotton dress... "Kora Basileus," I blurted. "Kory, please," she smiled and took a chair next to the man. "Dana Scully, may I introduce my husband Hades,"basileus morou" as the ancient Greeks called him, the Lord of Death." Hades simply looked at me with deep eyes. I found myself caught in their pull until he moved and the spell was broken. "And why are you troubling my day, Dana Scully? I am already aware of your errand and I do not favor it." He looked at the coin I still held with some distaste. "Kory, are you still allowing that talisman to circulate among the humans? These things wouldn't happen if you let them lock it up in a museum." Kory shrugged and looked at me with compassion. "I hate suffering. And we both know that my work prevents those whose time has not arrived yet to prolong their stay upon earth. You yourself admit that the talisman is useful." "Well, I suppose it is. Keeps the population down only to those who belong here. Except when we have living visitors like *her*." He pointed at me and suddenly I found my voice. "You know why I'm here, then?" "Of course," he said with a bored look. "Your husband has died and you want me to allow him to leave with you. The answer is 'no'." I began to feel a spark of temper. "Why? Why can't he go? You know that it can't be his time. Korey gave me the talisman to heal him! But I was too late..." He just stared at me and my voice dropped to a whisper. I had the sudden conviction that I could have been there faster, if I'd just tried harder. "Why should I give him back to you? You didn't appreciate him while he was yours." Hades leaned forward and fixed his stare on me. "It took you seven years to acknowledge his love for you. How many times did he show you how he felt? You constantly questioned his theories, quashed his arguments, admitted that your sole joy in life was proving him wrong. He would have thrown himself in front of a speeding train for you, but you pushed him away." "I...I was his only friend. I lied for him, many times. I protected him, covered for him when he was following clues..." Oh, this wasn't going well. "I was never sure how he felt...He never said..." "He told you that he loved you and your reply was, and I quote 'Oh brother'". "I thought he was drugged, on painkillers...none of the other things he was saying made sense..." My voice began to get thick with tears, and tremble. "Nothing Mulder has ever said have you accepted on first hearing. Even when he's right, you will not allow yourself to believe him; to believe *in* him. How little faith you have in this man you say that you love..." Hades looked away from me in disgust and glanced at Kory, sitting quietly by his side. "I know what it's like to love and love someone who is unobtainable. It's like a burning pain inside, which no water can quench. To wait for a glance, a word of approval and to cherish every look." He sighed. "And to feel pain with every rebuff, no matter how gentle." "I never rebuffed him..." "'If it rains sleeping bags you might get lucky...'" Hades drawled. "'It must be fate, Mulder, iced tea..'" "Stop...please...just stop," I whispered. "Yes, I didn't appreciate him enough, I argue with him and disagree with him. But I love him; he's my husband and the only man I'll ever love. We didn't have enough time together, not enough. We have a child, a newborn son that Mulder will never see grow. And I do believe in Mulder, I've followed him across the earth, on countless senseless roadtrips because I trust him, even where I don't believe. I love him. Please...please give him back to me. He loves me, so very much, he would want to be with me. Let him go with me." "There is a precedent," murmured Kory. "And she's right, she has the talisman. It wasn't his time." Hades looked at her, his face softening. "And you think that we should release this man to her?" Kory smiled into his eyes and nodded. "Hades, you and I both know that relationships go their own way. Mother disapproved when I married you, but I did it anyway because I believe in your work, as dark as it is." She reached out her hand and he took it. "Justice is important, but so is mercy. And faith." He shook his head. "She has shown so little faith in him. She believes more strongly in her science than in the man she's chosen to spend her life with. How can she possibly succeed?" "I think she can. And she can't stay here; her son needs her. Besides, her time here is getting short." "All right. Under the usual conditions, she can have him. But because I still have my doubts, I impose my own conditions as well." He turned to me. "Dana Scully, spouse of Fox Mulder, you may have your husband's soul back and return with it to the living world. If you succeed in returning together, he will be alive, well and whole again, as he was before his sickness." My face lit. "Thank you. Oh thank you so much.." He held up a hand. "I'm not finished. There will be conditions. First, you must persuade Mulder to go with you. He will not remember you, believing that he has not died and that he has worked alone on the X Files for the past 7 years. He will not know any Dana Scully. " Hades paused to make sure that his words were taking effect. They were; I was worried. "Secondly, he must follow you of his own free will, and go into the world of the living. If you persuade him to go, he will walk behind you, but will not be able to speak to you. You may speak to him, but you must not look behind, not even once. If you look behind you, even a single glance, he will be drawn back into death, irrevocably. This time, Dana Scully, your faith in him must be absolute; you must believe in this love of yours. If not, he will remain here, forever." Title: Seeds (9 of ?) DANA SCULLY'S JOURNAL ....continued...... The room fell silent. I have to admit that I was afraid of this man, so terrible in his judgment of me. "Take me to him," I said simply. Kory moved from her chair and walked toward me. "One warning more, Dana. Your time here is limited. If you stay too long, the body you left in the living world will die and I will not release your soul to return to it. And for your journey back, be warned. The passage to life is much longer and harder than the road into death. But believe this, I hope that you will succeed, for if you do then your husband has a love that the gods would envy." Kory flashed him a glance, then led me out the door. We walked down a long hallway and suddenly we were in the Hoover Building. Nobody seemed to notice us as we got into the elevator and rode to the basement. Kory left me at the door of the basement office. She plucked a white flower from her hair and handed it to me. It was one of the little glowing blossoms I'd seen in the meadows here. "Take this, Dana. The asphodel will tell you how much time you have left. For as long as it is healthy and glowing with light you may remain here. But when it begins to fade, your time is running out. You must be out of this realm by the time it withers, or you will remain here forever. Your spiritual forms can be hurt while you are here, just as though they were your bodies. And so, should you or Mulder 'die' on the pathway back, you have failed and must remain here. Good luck, and remember to trust in your love." She smiled at me, then turned and vanished. I stood there stupidly, holding the flower in one hand, then shook myself and tucked it into my coat pocket. I opened the office door and went in. The office looked so familiar it gave me a feeling of unreality. Surely all this had been a hallucination, or a dream. None of this could be real... I entered and hung my coat on its usual hook, then took the seat in front of Mulder's desk. Then I picked up a file and began reading through it. Yes, I remembered these cases, hastily set aside because of my pregnancy crisis. I heard the door open behind me and a familiar footstep. I stood up and turned around as Mulder walked into the room. He looked...wonderful. He was wearing his black Armani suit with an ugly tie I didn't buy him. He smiled at me politely. I just beamed at him. My Mulder was alive again. "Hello. Is there something I can do for you?" He waited in silence while I gaped at him. He was alive. And more...something indefinable had changed about him. He wasn't driven, angst-ridden as I had always known him. He seemed to be almost at peace. The lines that had begun to form on his face were smoothed and he looked younger. "Excuse me, but was there something you wanted?" He eyed me curiously and hung his coat up next to mine, eyeing my trenchcoat on its hook. "Mulder, I'm Scully!" How could he not know me? I know that Hades said he wouldn't, but we've been partners for 7 years and married for another year... "Scully? Scully who? Have we met?" Mulder came around and sat behind his desk, his eyes narrowing with impatience. "I'm Dana Scully, I'm...a pathologist with the Bureau..." He stretched his hand out to shake mine. "Glad to meet you. You must be new here, I don't think I've seen you before." I felt like crying. He really didn't recognize me. The look he gave me was admiring and friendly, though. Nice to know he likes me for more than my mind. "Mulder, I know that you work on the X files, and that you have a reputation for being...um..open to extreme possibilities. I've come to you today with some vital information that you need to know, and what I am about to tell you may strike you as a little strange." He leaned forward, a lock of hair falling across his forehead. "Really? And what would that be?" How on earth do I tell him this? "Mulder, what would you say if I told you that what you believe to be real, actually isn't and that the memories you have of the past 7 years are false?" He leaned back with a grin. "Frohike put you up to this, didn't he? Where did he hire you? And how did you get into the building? Is Skinner in on this?" "Mulder, I've never been more serious about anything in my life. Frohike isn't involved, and I'm telling you the truth. What you don't remember is that I've been your partner for 7 years. You call me 'Scully', not 'Dana'. We were married last December and I'm wearing your grandmother's engagement ring to prove it. We have a newborn son called William." I pulled off the rings and handed them to Mulder. "You gave me your grandmother's ring when you proposed to me. And the wedding ring you picked out as well. You didn't get the ones we agreed on, you liked the "X" motif on this set so you bought them instead." I grinned, remembering. "I was a bit put out, but they grow on you." He scrutinized the engagement ring. "This does look a lot like my grandmother's ring, and it's an unusual piece of jewelry. But it could be a fake...." He paused, deep in thought. I stopped to let him digest this. If the roles were reversed and Mulder had tried to convince me of these things, I'd be on the phone for security to escort my visitor out. To Mulder's credit, he merely looked interested. Mulder handed the rings back. "The last partner I almost had was Jeffrey Spender, but I talked Skinner out of assigning him to me. And the one before that was Alex Krycek, ace consortium spy." His eyes narrowed. "How do I know you aren't one of Alex's buddies, trying to gain my trust?" I leaned back in my chair, feeling on almost familiar ground. "Now Mulder, would the consortium string together a set of facts this inherently fantastic and unbelievable? If they were trying to gain your trust they could come up with a more plausible lie." He grinned. "So you're saying that this story of yours must be the truth because it sounds so crazy. That sounds like something I'd say." I smiled. "It's an argument you've made to me a time or two." "Okay, let's say... hypothetically...that what you say is true. Why don't I remember you? And why are you here now?" Mulder leaned back in his chair and I could see his eyes scanning my body. Checking me out. Mulder, you weren't this blatant when we first met. Maybe not all the memories are gone; the body has memories too. "I'm here to save your life. Mulder...." I struggled to find a way to explain this. "Mulder, you died today, in the hospital from some virus that the smoking man gave you. We were investigating a case involving a miraculous medal." I held it up. "I got there too late to heal you, but it took me here instead. This is the underworld, Mulder. You're dead." He just looked at me, his face immobile. After a moment he asked "Then why don't I feel dead?" I shook my head. "I don't know how dead feels. I suppose you feel great because all the troubles of the body are behind you." He examined the medallion closely then handed it back. "That's a nice fairytale, SCULLY, or whatever your name is. So who persuaded you to give old Spooky a thrill? Colton? Evans?" "Mulder, you have to believe me. I'm your wife. We got married a year ago. I love you; that's why I came..." Mulder got up from the desk and began moving me toward the doorway. "That's very nice, but I have to do my work now. Please leave and tell whoever it is that sent you that it didn't work." He chivvied me toward the door until, in desperation I froze and faced him. "Mulder, I don't want to live without you. I don't want our son to grow up without knowing you. I...love you so much...so much..please..." Tears began to run down my cheeks and my voice was trembling. Mulder stopped and looked at me more closely. I cupped his cheeks in both my hands and pulled his face down and I kissed him. The kiss deepened as he bent in toward me and began kissing back. At last we stood, forehead to forehead, his eyes closed and his lips slightly parted. He took a deep, shaky breath. "Scully...."he whispered, then opened his eyes with recognition in them. "Scully, what....what happened? What's happening? I was in a lab and then I couldn't breathe and everything went dark..." He looked around him. "Then I woke up in my apartment and went to work, like always. Except I didn't remember you." He looked into my eyes and frowned. "How could I forget you?" I beamed at him. "I don't know how. Just don't forget me again, okay?" He still looked confused. "And you really mean it? I'm dead? We're in the underworld?" I nodded. "Oh yes. That medallion got me here and I've persuaded Hades to release you, with some conditions." Quickly I explained them. "They told me that you would be unable to talk to me on the trip back. And I can't look behind to make sure you're following, or you're lost forever." Mulder nodded. "Okay. We can do this. So how do we get out of here?" I shrugged. "Through the door?" But before I opened it, I grabbed his head and pulled him in close. "One for the road, " I grinned and pressed my lips against his, first lightly and then harder. His lips parted and let me in and I knew that he remembered me. After a short time we had to stop to breathe, and just smiled at each other. "You ready to go?" I asked. "You lead, I'll follow. Wherever you go," I nodded and led him out the door. I took the stairs to the lobby level, just to be safe and began heading for the main entrance, working my way through the usual crowd of people. Then I saw a familiar face moving towards me. Tall, dark hair, boobs. God, I still feel threatened by Diana Fowley. "Fox! How are you?" She ignored me completely and rushed over to greet Mulder, somewhere behind me. "Hey, Diana. How ya doin'?" I could hear Mulder's cordial tones, but I couldn't look back. I daren't look back. "Mulder, you look great. This place is really agreeing with you. Say, I've got a new bottle of French wine at my place. Would you like to share it with me over dinner tonight?" I heard a smacking sound, like kissing noises. She was kissing him. I felt my suddenly tiny hands bunch into fists of outrage. That bitch was kissing my husband. "He's married, Agent Fowley. Don't forget that." "Oh, is he Dana? Last I heard, death breaks all marriage bonds. He's single, now. How 'bout it, Fox? You know how you love my chicken cacciatore...and other things." More smoochy sounds. God, she must be cleaning his face with her tongue. The picture of what she must be doing infuriated me. Oh this was too much. I longed to turn around and slap her silly. I caught myself in time. "I don't know about you two, but I'd like to go home. And I am. Mulder, if you're still my husband, follow me. If you aren't...." Damn, my voice was quivering again. I didn't finish the sentence but walked forward, straining my ears for the sound of him behind me. I heard Diana call from the distance. "He's staying here with me, Agent Scully! You're going back alone, because he's here---where he wants to be." I heard nothing. No voice, no footsteps. No sound behind me. Don't turn. Don't check. Was he there? Or was I fooling myself? I let myself out the front door and found myself back on the cindery path, except that there were no meadows. I walked across a barren rocky field where nothing grew. The light grew dimmer until it seemed a perpetual twilight. And the only sound I heard was the crunch of my feet in the soil and the whistle of the quiet wind. No other footsteps but mine in the stillness. I kept walking, even though every cell in my body wanted to stop and turn around, make sure he was there behind me. No. Don't turn. Instead, I began to talk. "Mulder, I know you can't answer me but that's okay. I mean, when do I ever get the chance to make you listen to me without argument? This is great. I think...." I crunched forward into the twilight. "Mulder, I hope and trust that you chose to follow me, not Diana. I know you. You're loyal and would never betray a friend; you've never betrayed me by look, or word. I guess that's the first thing I ever learned about you...that you're true. When you told me that you were still looking for Samantha, hadn't given up for all those years, at first I felt pity for you. Then I realized how noble it was, and began to wish that somebody loved me as much." I paused, then went on. "Then, when I realized, really knew that you loved me that way I was afraid. When I had the cancer, and you went out there determined to find my cure, I knew how much you loved me. I couldn't tell you how much I loved you then, because I was leaving you soon. I knew that I would soon be dead, and I couldn't leave you that way." I paused and listened to the silence. No footsteps, no breaths beside my own. God, let him be there. Let me not be talking only to myself.... "Then after, I could never tell you. I suppose I hoped that you'd just take it as understood, the way you understand the minds of criminals." I laughed a bit. "Yeah, here I was, the champion skeptic depending on you to be telepathic for me. And then you turned telepathic." Silence. Crunch crunch went my shoes. More rocks. Nothing. "I was afraid, so afraid of losing you. I knew the pain you were in, and I knew that you were close to death. I wouldn't have blamed you for seeking the peace of death; but it would have left me so terribly bereft. And I couldn't tell you. I still couldn't tell you." No sound, just wind. No shadows here, twilight only. Oh Mulder, are you there? Please? "Then, the warehouse happened. And I knew that if you died it would be because I wasn't there to guard your back. And I'd never told you how I felt. But I knew that if I ever saw you again, I still couldn't tell you, that you'd never forgive me for abandoning you to that sadistic killer......" I walked quietly, remembering those terrible days. "And I knew this time that I not only loved you, I hungered for you. There was nothing to be done about it, but my body was aching for you. And then I found you, alive but so hurt....." Move the feet, Dana. Don't look back.... "Being able to love you, and see you every day is a never ending source of wonder for me. I found out how much you loved me too. I still kick myself that I let you worry for an entire day before I accepted your marriage proposal. But you've got to admit, your first orgasmic proposal was a bit hard to take seriously...." I snorted. "It is nice to know that I'm that good. You know, Mom repainted the room and had to replaster the dry wall. Did you notice that the last time we visited her, she gave us the other room? The one that's down the hall and not over her bedroom? I still think she heard us." The flat plain had given way to a valley filled with sheer cliffs. The path led along a narrow and crumbling cliff edge. I paused and listened again. Nothing. "Okay Mulder, it looks like we take this way. Please be careful. I don't want to leave you behind." I carefully stepped out onto the pathway and began to walk. I had gone maybe twenty yards when I heard a cracking noise behind me. I looked to my right and watched the dust from a landslide erupt from the cliff. Part of the cliff face I'd just walked had broken away and slid into the ravine. Mulder? Title: Seeds (10 of 10) DANA SCULLY'S JOURNAL ....continued...... I just stood there and watched the dust slowly rise in the air. I heard nothing....no sound, no voice, no Mulder calling to me "Hey Scully, I'm fine; let's blow this pop stand!" Nothing. I stood and fought with myself. I had to turn around, had to help him.......no...no don't turn around. Can't turn around. I pulled my trenchcoat tighter around myself and shivered. Had he gone over the edge? Was he in pain somewhere, unable to tell me because he couldn't talk to me by Hades' rule? What should I do? If I turned around, I doomed him to death. But how could I leave him there? If he was in pain, who knew how long he would be trapped there like that... I pulled the asphodel flower from my pocket and found, to my dismay, brown lines forming on the white petals. It was dying. The glow was fading fast. My time was short. Keep walking? Leave Mulder behind? How could I leave him behind? Whenever I'm not there he gets hurt. I *have* to be there, if not to save him then to comfort him in his pain. And I left him before....I can't. I can't leave him. If he went over that cliff.... If I stay here we both die. Mulder loses any chance at life he might have. I don't know that Mulder went over that cliff. I don't know that he didn't. What can I do? I squatted down and wrapped my arms around my chest, tucking my head down into the closest thing to fetal position I could. Mulder....what do I do? How can I save you? The answer slowly came to me. Believe that Mulder wasn't on that cliff face. He's still there, he has to still be there. He'd fight all the powers of heaven and earth to be there; I know him. Keep walking... I took a breath and spoke,"Mulder, I'm going to keep walking. I have faith and believe that you're still behind me. Please...please be there behind me." I began walking forward again and soon left the cliffs behind. The landscape soon flattened out to white sand, although the path remained dusty cinders. I felt like I'd been walking for hours, although I didn't feel physical fatigue. I could see some hills approaching, dark as the charcoal of my pathway. At last we walked through a ravine, close on both sides. I say "we" although I still heard no sound behind me. The ravine grew dimmer and dimmer as I moved forward. Then suddenly I had to stop. Facing me was a rock wall. The path had led me into a box canyon, closed by rock on all three sides. My journey was over. There was no place to go. Turn back? Then I doom Mulder. Unfair! This test was rigged from the start. Hades never intended to let either of us go, damn him! I wanted to cry with rage. "Mulder--he's led us to a dead end." I snorted. "Funny, huh? It looks like I may be joining you in your apartment down here soon unless I can think of something. I would be grateful for your input." I listened to the silence for a bit, then pulled the flower from my coat. Not good. The glow was all but gone and the flower itself had brown streaks running through the petals, which were beginning to shrivel a bit. "Why impose a test that cannot be passed?" I mused aloud for Mulder's benefit and my own. I pressed my hand against the wall. Solid rock. Solid matter, except nothing here was matter really. My body and Mulder's were elsewhere. Yet this rock face was real and solid. Just like a gunshot wound in a haunted house one Christmas. Charon said that faith was important and Mulder has always lived by it as I put my faith in objective facts. But here I'm in the realm of subjective, aren't I Mulder? "Mulder, I don't think that wall can be real. It's an illusion put up to turn us back. I refuse to believe that it's real. There's nothing here at all, just air. Nothing here....Follow me, Mulder." I closed my eyes and walked forward, doing my best to believe that nothing but air awaited me. I felt an elastic resistance, then a release as though a bubble had popped. I opened my eyes to the brightest sky I'd seen since we left the Hades version of the Hoover Building. We were surrounded by meadowland with a few of the white flowers growing there. The asphodels here looked much healthier than the one I carried. Walk faster, Dana. I began to jog. "It's okay if you outpace me, Mulder. You always were the faster runner." I waited and nothing happened. As I jogged along, I began to see dark shapes flitting through the meadow grasses, first only one or two and then one more. Wolves. I eyed them warily and began to look for a weapon. We'd left the stones behind and there were no trees to drop nice heavy branches to use for clubs. I had only a gun that wouldn't fire. I drew it and tried again. No. Still out of commission. Suddenly the biggest one sprang at me, its teeth snapping at my throat. I went down and began to struggle with it. Soon a second began attacking me, then a third. I felt the teeth of two wolves sink into my ankle and shin, as the first wolf began savaging my right hand. I screamed and struggled harder. As the first wolf drew blood, it began to howl in glee and they all redoubled the attack. They knew that I was a living creature and they wanted that life for themselves. I fought back desperately, but I knew I had no chance. Then I heard the sound of fists against flesh and first one wolf, then a second was ripped away from me and tossed onto the ground. Then I watched as Mulder threw the last wolf, the one at my throat, into the meadow grasses. It ran away, yelping and whining, with its companions. I felt warm hands caressing my cheeks as Mulder anxiously searched me for wounds. "Scully are you okay?" He found my hand and pulled out his handkerchief to bind it, then noticed my calf and winced. "Mulder, I'll be okay. Just help me take a look at this wound." Mulder bent to rip my pants leg, then stopped and grinned. "Hey Scully, you heard me! I've been talking to you all day but I figured that you couldn't hear me. Either that or you were ignoring me." I grinned back. "I'd never ignore you, Mulder, and I can only imagine what you were saying when you knew I couldn't hear you. How much of it was printable?" "Not much. The libido survives after death, you know, and that was an almighty long pregnancy...Jesus..." Mulder had bared my leg and was pulling the wreckage of my slacks away from the hamburger that remained. My achilles tendon had been severed and I could see the bone, so much flesh had been taken from my shin. When I saw the wound, the pain hit me suddenly and I felt woozy. I came to with my head in Mulder's lap and his jacket draped over me. I could see the tears in his eyes. "Scully, wake up. Please Scully, your time is almost up. Please," he was murmuring softly. I opened my eyes and followed his glance to the flower which lay brown and nearly shriveled by my hand. Only a little bit of white remained. "Mulder, I can't make it. There's too far to go...The muscles are severed, and I can't walk..." "Then let me help you. I can carry you." I touched Mulder's cheek with my hand. "Love, it's over. I've lost, but you haven't yet. Go ahead and follow the path. It'll take you home." Mulder shook his head. "Home is where you are. You stay, I stay." "Mulder, you have a living and healthy son up there. He's in the hospital nursery and looks just like you. He needs at least one parent. Otherwise, his grandfather will steal him back and...and he'll end up like Emily. You have to leave me here." "Scully, you've seen me and spoken with me now, against Hades' rules. Do you think he'll let me go now?" "He has to. You're the reason I'm here, dammit." I struggled to sit up. "Mulder....go! Please." Mulder just stubborned his mouth and began wrapping my ankle and shin with pieces of his shirt. When he was done, still wordless, he lifted me up until I was standing on my good leg. "Scully, we go together. Believe." I gave up; at a certain point arguing with Mulder is pointless. During that long, painful hike I had to ask Mulder to carry me a few times. He always did it, graciously and happily, knowing how much it hurt me to ask. But it felt good, leaning on Mulder and being carried by him. I fought against shock. I'd lost a lot of blood with the wolf attack and was still losing it. Twice more Mulder had to fight off wolf attacks. They never attacked him, just me. They wanted the living one. We limped along until we came to the banks of a broad river. Charon sat there, next to his boat. "Well hello, there young lady. And who's that with you?" By this time Mulder was carrying me. I woozily introduced them. "Charon, this is my husband Mulder." They shook hands and Mulder noticed the t-shirt. "So, did you ferry Jerry Garcia over?" He inquired, only half-seriously. "Yeah, and was that the trip of a lifetime! I even got him to sign my shirt. See?" Charon turned and showed us a sprawling autograph on his back. "I didn't even charge him a toll." Toll. "What does it cost for a trip back?" I snuggled against Mulder and fingered my wedding ring. They would be the next to go, I supposed. "No charge. This direction has so little traffic I never charge. Figure anybody that *he* decides to set free deserves it. Hop in." We didn't exactly hop. Mulder picked me up and deposited me gently in the boat. I was in and out of consciousness, although I was vaguely away of Mulder throwing up over the side once or twice. Some things never change. On the other shore, Mulder picked me up and held me in his arms. I could hear Charon's voice rumble, "Good luck on the journey back. Hope I don't see you again for a few years yet." I heard Mulder's reply and felt him shake Charon's hand. "Yeah, me too. Give my best to the King and Jerry Garcia, wouldja?" "You know it!" With that, Mulder began walking up the path. This time I could hear the crunch of his feet, through the haze of my pain. We were going home. Then suddenly Mulder stopped. I opened my eyes and saw Hades, standing there in the middle of the path. "Stop. You go no farther." "Mulder, put me down..." I whispered, and he set me on my good leg. I swayed but remained upright, Mulder supporting me. "I've done as you asked. I brought him up the path and I never looked back." I glared at Hades, who looked calmly back at me. "Another complication has arisen. You may leave, but he may not." "Why?" I shouted. "We answered all your conditions! We did what you told us. You're breaking your word." Hades held out his closed hand and opened it, palm up. In it were the husks of perhaps 20 sunflower seeds. "I'm afraid not. We have a rule here; those who eat the food of the dead must remain here." I turned to my partner. "Mulder?" Mulder's eyes grew deep and still. "Yeah, Scully. I was eating seeds just before you arrived. There was a bag in my desk I thought I'd forgotten about. I guess I know who put it there." I turned a look of scorn back at Hades. "That's an old trick of yours and ill becomes you, Hades. You trapped your wife here by convincing her to eat the seeds of the pomegranate, and now she's forced to spend one month here for each seed she ate. You never let go of the things you get, do you? Grasping, stingy and cruel..." Hades said nothing, just turned over his palm and let the husks drift in the sterile wind of Hell. "Scully, you have to go back. Your time is almost up." Mulder's voice was calm, as ever, but I could see his 'panic face'. "No. Mulder I won't leave you here. I'm staying with you." I turned to him and gently ran my fingers against his lips. He shook his head and gave me a sad smile. "Scully, you said it yourself. We have a son to protect. Go and live a long and happy life. Marry again. I'll be here, waiting for you. At least, this time we get to say good-bye." He drew me into a long embrace and I sank into him, trying to burrow into his soul. "It's time. If you are going to return, you must leave now." I heard the rumble of Hades' voice and reluctantly withdrew from Mulder's arms, thinking hard. But before I pulled away from him, I reached my hand into his pocket and found what I expected: sunflower seeds. As I turned around, I grabbed some, stuffed them into my mouth, chewed and swallowed. The look on Hades face was priceless. "I'm staying with my husband. Or I'm leaving with him." "Dammit Scully, why did you do that?" Mulder whirled me around to face him. "Scully, do you know what you just did?" "Yes. I called his bluff. I don't believe that a handful of sunflower seeds or pomegranate seeds or any other kind of food has the power to keep us here. It isn't my time, and it isn't yours either Mulder. Kory stayed here because she loved him enough to defy her mother to do it, not because of anything she ate. Stand aside, Hades. We're leaving." Just then I suddenly realized. I was standing, alone and unassisted. No pain, no wounds. Hades stood there smiling. "I hoped you'd understand; Kory thought you would. Go back to the sunlit lands and live well there. I will see you again, many many years from now." Hades paused, then rubbed his nose thoughtfully. "I'd also like to know what it is that you fed my dog. He's been in an uncommonly good mood since you arrived..." I just gaped. Mulder grinned and gave my hand a tug, then we both began jogging up the path. Soon we were running through the trees and the path was lit by little white flowers. Then the world darkened and turned sideways. I awoke to a crushing feeling in my chest and a voice in the background... "I've got a rhythm.." I took a gasping breath and realized that there was an oxygen mask over my nose. I opened my eyes to see my mother and a frightened looking Skinner standing behind a crowd of medical personnel. A doctor peered down at me. "Dana, have you taken any drugs or medications of any kind?" "No.." I whispered back from a dry throat, then remembered. "Mulder, where's Mulder?" I struggled to sit up, fighting against all the hands that wanted me to lie back down. "Dana, he's dead...Mulder's dead, remember?" Mom was on the edge of tears. "No he isn't. He's alive. Where is he?" I got up, forcibly detaching IVs and lead wires and stumbled over to Mulder's room. It was empty. My voice was a wail, now. "Where is he? Where have you taken him?" "Dana, honey, they took the body to the morgue..." Mom held out her hand to me. I just looked at her. After all this, Hades promised. Mulder couldn't still be dead, he couldn't. "No. No, he can't be dead. Take me to him. I have to get to him...please." Mom looked at the doctor, who stared just as helplessly back. Finally he nodded. "Okay, take her to the morgue." Mom and Skinner walked me downstairs to the basement morgue. Mom and Skinner both tried to convince me that I was irrational, that Mulder was irretrievably dead. I said nothing. What was there to say? Either everything I had experienced truly had occurred and Mulder was alive, or I grief had driven me mad. We got to the morgue, where a bored attendant took us into the back and to the drawer where Mulder's body lay. I had more than half expected to hear a commotion, Mulder pounding to be let out...but all was silent. Skinner and Mom both eyed me closely as I slowly pulled open the drawer. I could see his face, pale and calm, almost waxen. His eyes were closed, lashes brushing against his cheeks. So still. No breathing. Dead. The tears came, then. Hades lied. He hadn't released Mulder. He lied. I grabbed the side of the drawer and bowed my head in grief. "Wait for me, love. I'll be along; just wait for me," I murmured to him, then gently pressed my lips to his. And felt them move under mine. His cold skin began to warm, then I heard him gasp in a massive gulp of air and release it. As I drew back, his eyes opened and found mine. "Hey.." he rasped. "Am I late?" Skinner and Mom were floored. The morgue attendants scurried. I just grinned and wouldn't let go of Mulder's hand as they removed him from the drawer and loaded him onto a gurney for a thorough battery of medical tests. Of course, much the same thing happened to me. It seems that the instant I joined Mulder in the underworld, my heart stopped. Mom heard the 'thud' as my body collapsed over Mulder's. She and Skinner found my, dead, lying across my husband's body. They called the medical staff and began attempts to resuscitate me. What felt like an entire day to me was, in reality, not more than a few minutes. The doctors had to admit, finally, that both Mulder and I were healthy enough to be released from the hospital. They never explained my clinical death, nor Mulder's revival. That doesn't matter. They wouldn't believe our explanation, even if we offered it. The medallion of Orpheus has disappeared again. It wasn't on me, nor was it found in the hospital room. I can guess who has it, and have no intention of trying to retrieve it for the museum. It does more good in Kory's hands. And my cross? I wear it now. When they found me, the cross was missing. But it turned up later, around Mulder's neck. It is appropriate that my faith should be found where my love is. I write this now in the evening. Both Mulder and I are on parental leave. I'm in my housecoat and just checked on Mulder and the baby. When I peeked into our jonquil-colored nursery, I found father and son, asleep in the rocker. William is snuggled up against Mulder's shoulder, and Mulder's face has a look of peace on it that I rarely see. I just smiled and quietly closed the door. Then I went to my computer to finish this entry. I have learned much about faith and love, and perhaps the most about gratitude for the little things life has brought me. Life is good.